NoIDidn't Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Oh, Most smart men don't put themselves in a situation where that could happen. They avoid it at ALL costs...Honourable men do that, ones who stick to their vows and committments.... He was pretty bad, he had me in his bed almost every day, while his wife was working, pregnant with their first child... Ariadne And that's why is wasn't true. You were more than friends. In fact, you did it to cover your own a$$ as much as his. Its really disgusting that he had you in a bed that he shared with her. Please note, that I am not calling you disgusting. And while she was pregnant!! But this isn't about him. Maybe its better that she didn't know you had been in her bed. That's a detail that you could have kept to yourself. It shows a huge lack of respect for her on both of your parts, though. How would you feel if your man, H or BF, brought another woman into the bed that you shared with him? Don't answer that, its a rhetorical question.
will2power Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You are kidding, right? What do you mean, "everyone" has to have some hurt? Did his wife twist your arm and force you to enter into a relationship that had "wrong" written ALL over it from the get go? Was it your neighbor's fault that you entered the affair? Perhaps it was your doctor's fault? You act as though YOUR bad choice is everyone ELSE'S cross to bear. Are you so self-absorbed that validating YOUR feelings is the ONLY important issue in this triangle? Guess what? No one FORCED you to step over the line and enter enter into this mess. I repeat - NO ONE. You made your OWN decision to get involved with a married man. You paid for your ticket and you're taking your ride. It's obviously all about you, isn't it? Why should I be surprised. I guess you haven't seen it all yet then... lol. There are some really disturbed people out there. My sMM and I have been honest with our BSs. We would prefer that they hear the news from us than to be surprised by someone crazy like 'Guest'. 1. I would never feel the need 2. therefore, I wouldn't have anything to say. Had BS confronted me, I would have told her to talk to her H and not to me.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi, And that's why is wasn't true. You were more than friends. In fact, you did it to cover your own a$$ as much as his. Oh, we were lovers for a year. And yes, I didn't want to lose him, so I wasn't going to go against him. Its really disgusting that he had you in a bed that he shared with her. Yep, and after she had the daughter I told him I'd be her mom when she wasn't there. He said ok... I loved that baby. Such a cute little thing, she looked like him Ariadne
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Oh, He was pretty bad, he had me in his bed almost every day, while his wife was working, pregnant with their first child... Ariadne IS right. I'm quite speechless right now. Hi, Oh, we were lovers for a year. And yes, I didn't want to lose him, so I wasn't going to go against him. Yep, and after she had the daughter I told him I'd be her mom when she wasn't there. He said ok... I loved that baby. Such a cute little thing, she looked like him Ariadne Are you for real?
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hahaha Now that I remember, one time we met at the park and I had the baby in my arms and people came to look at her and congratulate us on our beautiful baby. We just laughed it off. Ariadne
IzzyisDizzy001 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Yep, and after she had the daughter I told him I'd be her mom when she wasn't there. He said ok... I loved that baby. Such a cute little thing, she looked like him Ariadne There are some lines that should never be crossed. Imposing yourself on another woman's child in such a manner is one of them. In another thread, you claimed your MM stated he loved his wife, Well if robbing a spouse of their dignity as a parent is love, I think I'd rather pass.....
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Well, Imposing yourself on another woman's child in such a manner is one of them. If I loved the guy, how could I not love his daughter? Especially if she looked so much like him. Someone had to give her the bottle and stuff like that when I was with him... The baby liked me a whole lot. Ariadne
IzzyisDizzy001 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Well, Imposing yourself on another woman's child in such a manner is one of them. If I loved the guy, how could I not love his daughter? Especially if she looked so much like him. Someone had to give her the bottle and stuff like that when I was with him... The baby liked me a whole lot. Ariadne Yes well, a baby before it reaches that stage where it is afraid of strangers will like anyone who feeds it, at least if it's anything like my daughter. (heh) but I am sure her father could of fed her if he wanted to. It's simply not your place to try and create a parental bond with a child that is not yours behind the mother's back. I practice polyamory but my husband would be in traction if he ever were to have someone else play mommy with our kids. We deal with other people's children and yes you come to love them but it's not ok to behave as though you're the mom. Being a friend or even auntie, that's different. Mommy is a role that should be hers and hers alone. Every mother deserves that much.
lovernotafighter Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I sometimes think my MM will tell his wife,mostly because he has serious guilt pangs but in the same token he doesn't know how to leave (either of us really). and hopes she will pull the trigger. that being said,I would never tell her, I can't do that..I knew going in this what this would end up like, and showing up on her door step and throwing this in her face would be a terrible mistake..I think I have hurt her to much as it is. however, that being said if she found out somehow and confronted me I would be honest with her...but one shot is all she gets...because she isn't gonna believe me anyway and will believe what she wants and needs to to stay married and I won't be giving her more salt for her wounds. my MM will have to protect himself, not that I want to leave him for the wolves but I am not gonna dismiss our affair as it was nothing when it comes to the mat..I have maintained that with him and he knows it. I don't want to hurt her and told him he better cover his tracks because she never needs to know about this...deal with his demons with out hurting her more, we messed up in a big way, but that doesn't mean we should take everyone down with us...
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi, I am sure her father could of fed her if he wanted to. Oh, he didn't mind me doing that. Btw, we weren't with the baby all the time, only when he had to babysit on some special occasion. Usually it was just the two of us . Ariadne
Adunaphel Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I've often seen postings here from OW/OM saying that they feel they should let the BS know about the affair - even after it's over. My question is two-fold. #1. What on earth would you say? Would you prefer to say it in person, or e-mail, or snail-mail, or what? #2. If you feel the need, why do you feel the need to do so? Is it in effect purging yourself of the situation? Or is it more anger at the MM/MW to not let them get away with what they've done? In other words, more internal, or more external motivation? I was tempted to let his wife know. Well, actually it's more like I was fantasizing to let his wife know - just fiddling with the idea. So we are talking hypothetically. Said that... #1) I'd ask someone to tell her about the fling MM had with me or about the fact that he is generally chasing other girls. or I'd send him a possibly anonymous email with evidence that he had a fling with me, or that he is hitting on other girls. Or with anything that might make her suspect so - open her eyes, so to speak. or I'd leave physical evidence *on him* where she'd probably see it. I once got actually very close to do this. (No, I didn't. I'm a liar. I just told him that I should have in a specific occasion) #2) I'd do it out of pure selfishness. By letting his wife know about him, I'd make sure he wouldn't have affairs/flings with other girls for at least a while. What kept (keeps?) getting me in trouble with him is the fact that I'm awfully jealous of the other women...or potential other women... expecially of those whom I know personally... A month ago I was considering sleeping with him on a particular occasion *just because* that way I'd have lessened the chances to see him with (or get to know he had been with) someone else on that same occasion. And I wouldn't have spent that time thinking "is he with this girl, or this other girl right now?" - painful, painful, painful. At least the more I get jealous, the more I think about his wife. ("if I feel this way(and I'm really nothing to him) how would **she** feel????????") Which again, is one of the reasons I don't think I'd ever actually tell her. Expecially since I'm not sure that if his wife found out he'd stop cheating on her... so I'd probably not help her in any way...just make her life hell.
Author silktricks Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 This is what scares me in reading some responses (maybe I just hung up on language, but)phrases like; take responsiblity for your own actions and you choose to be with a mm, bother me. It insinuates it's ok for a mm to have a girlfriend, it insinuates the man has an option. Butafly, I honestly think that you are misinterpreting what is being said. It is a GIVEN that it is not OK for a married person to be having a relationship, it is not OK for a MP to be flirting and coming on to anyone other than their spouse. That's so completely obvious, that often no one feels the need to say it. But, it is also most important for ALL of us to take responsibility for their own actions. The BS needs to take responsibility for the actions that many times drove their spouse away. The OW/OM must also take responsibility for THEIR actions. Each person who has an affair with a MP at some time is fully aware that the other person is married. Some are not aware of the fact before they are in a relationship, but most have the knowledge that the object of their affections is not a person who is truly available. At that point they have a responsibility as a grown human with a conscience to distance themselves and make THEMSELVES unavailable. If they don't do so, then they have made the conscious choice themselves to be in an affair. At that point any pain they experience is just as much on them as it is on the MP.
PoshPrincess Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Yep, and after she had the daughter I told him I'd be her mom when she wasn't there. He said ok... I loved that baby. Such a cute little thing, she looked like him Ariadne V scary. Bordering on obsessive?
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi, I am sure her father could of fed her if he wanted to. Oh, he didn't mind me doing that. Btw, we weren't with the baby all the time, only when he had to babysit on some special occasion. Usually it was just the two of us . Ariadne Are you still seeing this guy? He (and you) are really unbelievably disgusting!! I really hope you are jerking our chain. If that was MY baby and I found out about that happening, I would gladly spend time in jail for whatever I was able to do to you. Somethings you just ought not do. Are you 16 or something?
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi, V scary. Bordering on obsessive? Yeah, I tend to get very obsessive with the guys I love. I don't know why that is. Ariadne
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi, Are you still seeing this guy? Oh no, that was a while back. I ended it after a year because it turned out to be more bad than good. Are you 16 or something? No, I'm 39. Ariadne
NoIDidn't Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi, Are you still seeing this guy? Oh no, that was a while back. I ended it after a year because it turned out to be more bad than good. Are you 16 or something? No, I'm 39. Ariadne You'll have to excuse the hit-and-runs. Glad you are not seeing him anymore, though. I know about the obsessing, I did it before I started getting help. I learned how to stop obsessing about people years ago, events.....now that's another story. In retrospect, looking at what you have said here, I agree with you not telling her anything. She would have blamed you, and missed the lying idiot that was right in front on her. And he would have gladly let her, while he moved on to his next "victim". Using his child as a hook. That's just....ugh!
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hey, Glad you are not seeing him anymore, though. Yeah, it was good. But it caused a lot of pain, too. while he moved on to his next "victim". Using his child as a hook. Nah, I don't think he used his child as a hook. Is just that the wife was taking Saturday courses (for the whole day sometimes), so he had to babysit. But he did have another lover prior to me. I wonder if they are still married. I believe he had another daughter too (he wrote something online). I saw him recently at the gym (after several years). I totally freaked out and avoided that gym from that on (till this day he makes me really nervous and I can feel his presence, like I'd walk in the gym and know he was inside). Ariadne
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hahaha Now that I remember, one time we met at the park and I had the baby in my arms and people came to look at her and congratulate us on our beautiful baby. We just laughed it off. Ariadne Well, Imposing yourself on another woman's child in such a manner is one of them. If I loved the guy, how could I not love his daughter? Especially if she looked so much like him. Someone had to give her the bottle and stuff like that when I was with him... The baby liked me a whole lot. Ariadne Hi, I am sure her father could of fed her if he wanted to. Oh, he didn't mind me doing that. Btw, we weren't with the baby all the time, only when he had to babysit on some special occasion. Usually it was just the two of us . Ariadne Hi, V scary. Bordering on obsessive? Yeah, I tend to get very obsessive with the guys I love. I don't know why that is. Ariadne Have you considered some therapy? You seem like you have no self confidence, no respect for anybody, including no respect for yourself. It's actually very sad.
Ariadne Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hi, Have you considered some therapy? Nah, therapy doesn't work with me. I find it stupid for some reason. But I know it helps a lot of people. You seem like you have no self confidence, no respect for anybody, including no respect for yourself. It's actually very sad. Haha... Everybody tells me that (in the other forums). Ariadne
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Maybe you should start listening to them! You probably find therapy stupid because you don't seem to get what your problems are. And ofcourse, fear of changing and actually working hard to become the person you really should be. I just don't think you're a happy person in general.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hi, Are you still seeing this guy? Oh no, that was a while back. I ended it after a year because it turned out to be more bad than good. Are you 16 or something? No, I'm 39. Ariadne You're too much. I love you Araidne
Ariadne Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hi, Maybe you should start listening to them! Oh, I listen. You probably find therapy stupid because you don't seem to get what your problems are. Well, my problem at the moment is that I don't have a job and I have a 16 year old son to support. And the fact that the guy I love is not talking to me because he is engaged to someone else. Other than that, I'm cool And ofcourse, fear of changing and actually working hard to become the person you really should be. Oh, I don't believe in working hard to become anything else, I believe you already are what you are. But that's just a theory of mine. I just don't think you're a happy person in general. Ok. Ariadne
Ariadne Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hey burning, You're too much. I love you Araidne (that was the one of the blood ) Ariadne
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