wookinpanub Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 It goes against everything I believe in. I hate it. I hate the idea of it. No. I loath it. I would rather kill myself than go to a shrink... but I need it. My girlfriend broke up with me and said she can't be with me if I can't trust her. She said there were three choices: 1)She accepts that I can't trust and deal with it forever. 2)She break up with me til I get help. 3)She breaks up with me for good. She decided on #2... OK, she called between when I am writing this and what I wrote before and there is no way we are getting back together, but I think she may have been right about the help. How can I go about getting it? I'm a Sophomore in college, are there psychologists on campus's or anything? I would really rather not tell my mom about it just cuz i don't feel like dealing with that.
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Um...why don't you trust her? Have you a good reason to not trust her or others, or are you just paranoid or something? Trust issues at your age may be your own insecurities surfacing. Do you have a good self-image?
Tony T Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 There's nothing at all wrong with going to a psychologist and most colleges and universities of any size provide their services to students at affordable prices or no charge at all. However, don't expect that they will enable you to trust your ex girlfriend or anybody else. That's a decision you have to make. On the other hand, if you have difficulties trusting anybody you can get a lot of help from a counsellor. As a matter of fact, you may find that a handful of visits could be an amazing experience for you. Of course, you MUST trust your therapist and you must open up tp him or her. But there is no better feeling in the entire universe than opening up to someone who is trained to help you deal with whatever comes out...when you open up. Good luck and please look forward to this grand experience of a lifetime. You might just get hooked!!!
Author wookinpanub Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 Um...why don't you trust her? Have you a good reason to not trust her or others, or are you just paranoid or something? Trust issues at your age may be your own insecurities surfacing. Do you have a good self-image? I don't know. I got screwed over a lot in the past, and the group of friends I used to be in didn't exactly represent the most morally upstanding or honest of people. I know none of those are a good excuse, but I guess it has just made me wary of trusting people. I guess I'm just paranoid or something like that. I mean, I get really worried or suspisious and like I tell myself that I'm being stupid and that after this long, I should be able to trust her, but it just nags nags nags until I say something or ask her about something. And then i sit there and dissect her response and read into it and her tone and everything and gah! I should trust her, and I have to. Thats why I need to talk to someone. Not for my sake, I hate talking to "professionals" but for hers. I drive her crazy with this, as if she isn't stressed enough over school and I just add to it.
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I got screwed over a lot in the past, and the group of friends I used to be in didn't exactly represent the most morally upstanding or honest of people. I know none of those are a good excuse, but I guess it has just made me wary of trusting people. You have very good reasons not to trust others, primarily because you have shown lack of good judgment when choosing others to be close with in the past. But it's not fair to make your GF pay for this. Go to a psychologist. They are there to help you with whatever life-skills you find difficult to handle. Do it for yourself though. Trust yourself to know it's the right thing to do. To get past this so you won't have to deal with this baggage anymore. We've all got problems...and many of us have sought help from the pros when they were too much for us to handle on our own. Don't feel bad about it. You're certainly not alone.
Author wookinpanub Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 OK, update on the situation. Basically, this break up is permanent, not until I get help and get my stuff straightened out. I guess she just didn't have the heart to tell me at first that it was permanent so she gave it a justifiable reason. Whatever. You have very good reasons not to trust others, primarily because you have shown lack of good judgment when choosing others to be close with in the past. I don't know though. To me they are good reasons when I am worrying but as soon as I realize that my worrying is stupid, I kick myself and tell myself that I have been with her for a year and a half, that I should trust her. And that my former group of friends represent a small portion of the population, that most people out there aren't sheisty like that. I dunno.
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Wook, I empathize with you as I have been in the exact same situation with my ex-wife. I would like to give you a bit of friendly advice. Until you have reached the point where you know you need a shrink and are seeing one because you truly want to improve yourself for you and you alone, it will be like spinning your wheels in soft sand. I have recently started seeing a shrink (again), and for the first time in my life, I have accepted that I need professional help (that just sounds so bad ). It has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life. For the first time in my life, I feel genuinely happy and normal. I am no longer a prisoner in my own body and all I can see right now is hope and promise of a better life. So ultimately the decision is up to you, do it for yourself alone, not for your gf, parents, friends etc. Best of luck to you
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 . And that my former group of friends represent a small portion of the population, that most people out there aren't sheisty like that. I dunno. I think it comes from the lack of judgment you've displayed in the past...if you can't trust yourself to make a good choice, how can you trust others? You doom them. Even if they do nothing wrong, you have doubts, because 'hey, you chose them'! You have yet to learn to trust your own instinctive voice. The one that's deep in the pit of your stomach. A psychologist will help you make sense of it all, truly. You say "it's stupid". You know something is making you feel like this. And you know it's damaging to yourself and those close to you. Why wouldn't you want to be rid of this thinking?
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