Crazy!

[Still Beautiful]

I know what I have to do but I need some support. My ex and I broke up in April. We had a pretty rocky relationship (due to insecurities) but no cheating, and we were together for 2 yrs. One of which he was away in school. Well the whole summer he was home and we were still seeing one another. I thought I could make things work even though I knew I shouldnt be seeing him.

 

Well some weeks he would go back to school for training (he plays sports) and come to find out he had someone out there he was seeing. I still continued to see him in the hopes we would get back together. But it soon became apparent that we weren't. So i went into no contact. It hurt but I did well. Well about 3 weeks later he is conacting me telling me he made a mistake with this girl and how Im the one he wants to be with, marry etc, all that good stuff. So I agree to see him, we spend 3 days together filled with promises that I believed. He told me when he was gonna end things with her and we would be together. he never said when but just that he would. Well he went b to school and I saw pics of them (the happy couple, they even took a trip to Miami) and then I put the no contact into effect again. He still called and said he repsected my wishes.

 

Then I got the feeling that if I wasnt in contact with him that he would start to fall for her. SO i re-established contact and became like a friend. And we began to spend alot of time talking on the phone. Like 6 hrs at a time and I got caught up and believeing him and how if he wanted to break up with her but in the coward way which was to get her to leave him cause he felt she was a little off and thought if he told her she would go beserk. Well I went back on myspace yesterday and saw some notes form her about loving im and all that sappy stuff. None from him but from her. and I saw RED!!!!! The devil in me said oh hell no he is mine. and I did someting stupid. Made a comment for her to see so that she would be guessing. Now in order for to see my comment he had to approve it. SO i sent him a message saying u better approve my comment or Im gonna kick your ass (so manipulative, I know) And as soon as I did I wished I hadnt but my emtions got the better of me.

 

Anyway the next day he calls me not sounding angry or anything, calling me big head and laughing saying why did I do that. I said b/c I felt like it. He said well I put it up and this girl saw it and she got mad. He said I took it down now but now she is thinking things. And im like yea so what. U said u wanted to break up with he ranyway so y do u care. He says b/c now Im dealing with extra drama that I did not want to be bothered with. And that he never thought I could do something out of spite. And I got pissed and was like u know what just forget this, forget everything b/c Im tired of this.

 

I dont want to be number 2 to anybody and act like Im cool with it. and yea I did and it was stupid but Im hurting. And u cant even imagine how I hurt. This is all a game for u. It aint for me and I dont want to do it no more. I said have your girl work things out and be happy and maybe one day in the future we can be friends. He starts getting mad saying I cant believe u r saying these things and I had something I wanted to tell ut oday and I cant believe u r acting like this and I cant believe u did what u did. I'm liek whatever.

 

I'm so hurt but so thru at the same time. I cant live like this, this is pure bulls&*t. What really hurts me tho is that I thought he truly loved me. I thought his love for me would force him to leave her. And never mind the fact that he even got involved with someone else so quickly. Talking about he felt bad for her, she got alot of emotional issues. Well too bad Ghandi now u r stuck with this "alleged" basket case and I hope u r happy. But u wont jerk me around anymore. Funny thing is, I still love him and want to be with him. Can u believe it!!!!

[bluechocolate]

Crazy? Perhaps. Childish? Absolutely.

 

You were played & for a little while there you seemed to happily join in the game. Good for you for getting out.