jimmy20013 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 My GF of 18 months broke up with me on the 20th of May. It has almost been 5 months and I am still hurting. I dont know what to do and I think about her all the time. I am in NC with her and I havent seen her in almost 2 months. I really loved her and I didnt wanna break up. I really dont know what to do. My world has come to an end and I wish I was dead. Can someone please tell me what to do? The agony is too much for me to bear.
moman Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Come to the realization that she is gone and is not coming back. When you accept that as fact you will have no other choice but to move on. It seems hard, but you were single before her and you will have a better life in the future without her and you will always have the memories. Good luck.
Shattered Heart Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 To be perfectly honest, I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. My ex broke up with me last Halloween, and do you know something? Not ONE DAY has gone by that I haven't thought about her. I mean, here it is almost a year later, and she still consumes my thoughts. Now, don't get me wrong. The pain you're feeling now is excruciatingly agonizing. I've been there. Now, what I have done for myself, as an indicator of my progress in terms of healing, is to separate time periods and compare them with earlier periods. For example, since it usually takes a long time to get over an ex whom you truly loved, I've basically been using three-month (quarter) intervals since the breakup date. For me, since it'll be a year in October, I'm now in my 4th quarter. Looking back, all I have to do is compare the earlier quarters with each succeeding quarter. I know that my first quarter was absolutely heart-wrenching. But if I compare it to the next three months (second quarter), I noticed some very slight improvement in the second quarter. Moving on to the third quarter, even more improvement. Now fourth quarter...better than the third. For those who feel that they are not getting any better, using this simple method to track your progress could really help. I know it sounds cheesy, but it has definitely helped me to step back and look at the big picture, and that's often difficult to do because that picture has had daily modifications for almost a year now. In your case, you've been broken up for five months, but haven't had contact for two months. So, depending on how you want to look at it, you're in your first or second quarter, which is still very fresh. Granted, you will be going through many more months of pain, and that's normal. I went through it, and am still going through it, but to a lesser extent. Because you have to heal on your own, as there's nothing I can do to ease your pain, I hope, if nothing else, that I have given you something to look forward to as time goes by. You sound a lot like me, and if you want to get a feel for what I've been going through, you can read some of my threads. Good luck, be strong, but ALLOW yourself to grieve. It's the best thing for you.
Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I think you have to start letting go of her. You sound like you are still in love with her. Your quote “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” is all wrong and I think it might be reflecting your current thought process. If you love until it hurts, you are setting yourself up for mega hurt especially with love that is no longer giving back. Stop loving her so that you can start healing and meet someone who will love you back.
Author jimmy20013 Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 Shattered Heart thanks for your encouragement. I will try following your advice. Fun2Bme, you are right. I still love her. I dont know how to stop loving her. How do you stop loving somebody you were ready to spend your life with? I know have to stop loving her but I dont know how.She was my baby and I dont even know why she left me. But I know I have to stop loving her. The hurt is so much that sometimes I wish I would just die in my sleep.
Island Girl Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 The hurt is so much that sometimes I wish I would just die in my sleep. Gosh that wrenches me. Are you getting out at all? With friends who can be supportive of what you are going through right now? -- They don't have to have gone through it to understand you are in pain and being alone with your own thoughts may be your worst enemy right now. Time heals all wounds. It doesn't seem like it at times but it is true. Sometimes people torture themselves during that time by thinking of nothing else. I hope you try to occupy your mind with other things too even though it may be difficult. I wish the best for you. You obviously have a great capacity to love someone. I hope you find someone who can return love to that capacity as well.
Guest Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Talk to your close friends & then get busy. I mean tiring busy. Thoughts will still be there from time to time. Man do they ever rise up out of nowhere. After you are really tired of being so busy, find those friends & try to have some fun. Then get busy again - keep the cycle going. After a while, relaxing with friends will be a treat! "Now, what I have done for myself, as an indicator of my progress in terms of healing, is to separate time periods and compare them with earlier periods." This has helped me too. I used to really sob. Crying is becoming so much less frequent that if I feel a sniffle coming on, that I can clear my throat & force my mind in other places. A friend called me other day because she knew I was working so hard. Then she caringly asked about how I was doing emotionaly. I was proud to report the tears are gone. I know they might be conjured up at any moment, but am determined to keep them at bay. The human side of me is actually working towards forgiveness now. This is a tough step too. There will be a day when I run into my ex. I do not want it to be a dramatic encounter when it happens. I think if you loved your ex, you would want them to be happy. (Swallow/Clear throat) Even if that means without you! That is stretch from where I am now. Like I said I am working on it. I want my ex to be well, but am not ready to see happiness with another. It will come in time. We have to accept the things we can not change.
Author jimmy20013 Posted September 27, 2006 Author Posted September 27, 2006 Gosh that wrenches me. Are you getting out at all? With friends who can be supportive of what you are going through right now? -- They don't have to have gone through it to understand you are in pain and being alone with your own thoughts may be your worst enemy right now. I moved here around 2 years ago and really dont have a lot of friends. I finished school last October and all my friends moved to different states after that. So I dont have a lot of friends. I know a couple of people and thats all. I am so afraid of trusting people now that I cant even make new friends. I try to keep myself busy though. I am a pilot so I go flying when things get really bad and I am fond of computers, so I tinker with them when I feel I am hurting too much but still it hurts. Believe me I want to get over this but I am having a hard time because I loved her so much and she was my first gf. We really planned to spend our life together but...... I know I have to give it time and let myself grieve. Hopefully one day I can look back and say, I got over it.
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