Guest Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Here are the basics of this situation: I'm married and just had a short-term affair with a married man. I really only wanted to be friends with him at first, but we found ourselves alone (and I allowed us to be alone so I can't say I totally DIDN'T want it) and things happened. He was attracted to me and I to him. I liked his kiss. I liked his touch. I liked the companionship. I might have said "no" the first two times, but I still didn't walk out. I kept going back. After five torrid sessions of passionate sex I decided I couldn't do that to my husband anymore (or my lover's wife, who I see occasionally and who is very, very nice to me) and sought out members of the church who supported me in taking the initiative of ending it with this man. I thought he would be pissed. He wasn't. He said he had been thinking, as well, and that he thought it was best for his wife, his daughter, and me and my life if we stopped what we were doing and just remained friends. He said my husband is a very nice guy (they know each other) and told me to take care of him. We only had this conversation on Friday night. We talked again about it on Saturday when I was able to get away for a bit and he thought it was still the best thing to do. He said he is sad but that he feels better at the same time. It's the same with me. We smoked a few cigarettes together, had a little coffee, and just kind of sadly smiled up at each other. I started to feel an urgency to leave and I didn't stay long. The whole situation is just...sad. Now, I don't know what to do regarding him. He owns a local business down the road and I used to frequent it daily just to see and talk to him...I'd study my school work there. Actually, that's how it all started and that relationship is what I am most concerned about losing, not the sex we had. Should I be looking at no contact at this point? Should I just be friends with him and see him as I did BEFORE it turned physical? Is it too early to decide ANYTHING and should I just forget any course of action outside of affair-proofing my marriage from this point out? He will be at his business in a little over two hours and I want so much to take my studies and for it to be as innocent as it once was... For anyone considering crossing that boundary from friends to lovers...it's almost impossible to go back...especially if any party is married. An affair is just not worth a marriage AND a friendship! Anon.
riobikini Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 If you want to keep what (who) you say you value most in your life, No Contact is the best route with this. -Rio
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