Guest Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Me and my husband have been separated for 4 months now.. Our marriage mainly consisted of me giving and him taking... I got tired of it, it made me very angry all the time, he just didnt understand what was expected of him. When he left, deep down I really didnt want him to go, but I thought if I let him go just maybe he might appreciate me, and maybe realize he had something special. We talk every week since he has been gone, its like we are long distanced boyfriend and girlfriend all over again.. I dont know if it is a good thing or bad thing.. It just doesnt feel right, here we are married, living apart, every time I leave him I feel so empty, at times I just want him to come home, the other times I feel like nothing has changed, so why would I want that again. It is making me so confused... A male friend of mine is going thur something similar, so we both have been leaning on each other for support... The only difference is that he and his wife are still living together. It has been so nice to have someone to talk to for a change.. The hard part is that I am starting to have feelings for this friend... The other day I told him I wanted to kiss him, but he said no, I just wanted to hide after that... We get along, we have a great time, we both seem to need each other, the time just felt right. I know I was wrong to even ask, I really dont know what came over me. Back to the h, I love my h, but he really doesnt show me any attention, sometimes I wonder if he really cares at all, days can go by and he doesnt seem to care to call and see how I am, if I need something, and so yes, I end up calling him... Then here is my friend, he calls almost everyday, he makes me laugh, something I havent done in awhile.. I know this is why I am finding myself attracted to him... The other day, I got the kiss..... It was nice, I actually got the goose bumps and so did he... I dont know now what to expect, or if I should expect anything... I enjoyed it, I actually wanted more of it. I dont know if it is because I am lonely, or that I am trying to get over my h, I just dont know why. Trust me when I say, I would never do anything like this, but it happened.. Now life for me is so confused.. Is it wrong to say, I didnt have any regrets kissing my friend.. Since my husband left me, is this signs of affair in progress.. I know my friend still has his wife at home, he tells me he doesnt love her like man should love a wife, he isnt attracted to her sexually... They both dont wear their rings, they took them off months ago.. She talks about moving out, but hasnt, he says the house is his so he isnt moving... How wrong am I to have these feelings, is this just a rebound thing??? so confused..................
Sup Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Me and my husband have been separated for 4 months now.. Our marriage mainly consisted of me giving and him taking... I got tired of it, it made me very angry all the time, he just didnt understand what was expected of him. When he left, deep down I really didnt want him to go, but I thought if I let him go just maybe he might appreciate me, and maybe realize he had something special. We talk every week since he has been gone, its like we are long distanced boyfriend and girlfriend all over again.. I dont know if it is a good thing or bad thing.. It just doesnt feel right, here we are married, living apart, every time I leave him I feel so empty, at times I just want him to come home, the other times I feel like nothing has changed, so why would I want that again. It is making me so confused... A male friend of mine is going thur something similar, so we both have been leaning on each other for support... The only difference is that he and his wife are still living together. It has been so nice to have someone to talk to for a change.. The hard part is that I am starting to have feelings for this friend... The other day I told him I wanted to kiss him, but he said no, I just wanted to hide after that... We get along, we have a great time, we both seem to need each other, the time just felt right. I know I was wrong to even ask, I really dont know what came over me. Back to the h, I love my h, but he really doesnt show me any attention, sometimes I wonder if he really cares at all, days can go by and he doesnt seem to care to call and see how I am, if I need something, and so yes, I end up calling him... Then here is my friend, he calls almost everyday, he makes me laugh, something I havent done in awhile.. I know this is why I am finding myself attracted to him... The other day, I got the kiss..... It was nice, I actually got the goose bumps and so did he... I dont know now what to expect, or if I should expect anything... I enjoyed it, I actually wanted more of it. I dont know if it is because I am lonely, or that I am trying to get over my h, I just dont know why. Trust me when I say, I would never do anything like this, but it happened.. Now life for me is so confused.. Is it wrong to say, I didnt have any regrets kissing my friend.. Since my husband left me, is this signs of affair in progress.. I know my friend still has his wife at home, he tells me he doesnt love her like man should love a wife, he isnt attracted to her sexually... They both dont wear their rings, they took them off months ago.. She talks about moving out, but hasnt, he says the house is his so he isnt moving... How wrong am I to have these feelings, is this just a rebound thing??? so confused.................. Have you talked to your husband about what's going on? I would if I were you. Stop messin around with some elses husband.
Gunny376 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 .........................is this just a rebound thing??? Yep! Originally Posted By Island Girl on another thread Found this written by Anna Glendenning There are many reason why a second marriage has a bigger risk of failure then the first. Often, divorced people remarry quickly and find themselves living with the rebound or transitional person. Sometimes, the second marriage was entered into for emotional or security reasons following a divorce. Many times during a second divorce a person will admit they remarried for the wrong reasons, or too quickly. It could be like riding a bike--once you know how to get a divorce you may never forget. Some divorced people rush into a second marriage because they are not equipped to live life in solitude or they feel they are incomplete without a mate. My ex-husband remarried a week after our divorce was final stating that he could not live without a woman to share his life with. My mother remarried quickly because she was not able to accept her role as a single woman alone after 25 years of marriage. When there are children involved a second marriage is far more stressful then the first. Parents have to balance what is right for their children while building a relationship with their new spouse. Loyalties and interferences from the ex spouse can add dynamics a first marriage never encounters. Child support obligations can affect a second marriage financially and add another dynamic for dispute. The best advice I had following my failed 14-year marriage was to give myself time before dating again. During my divorce, I found a counselor to help me sort my feelings out and make better choices for my future. I was advised to wait at least two months for each year of my divorced relationship, to allow myself to heal and think clearly. By the time my waiting period passed, I found I was over the majority of the pain and guilt I felt for having a failed marriage. Of course, I had a series of dates with men who could be classified as the rebound relationship but I was more emotionally able to recognize when a relationship was flawed. The second marriage does not have to be another divorce for someone who is able to take time and find happiness as a single person. Focusing on making your own life stable and finding out what your personal priorities are can be the key to being a whole person when you do re-enter the dating scene. Understanding who you are and what it was that caused a first marriage to fail will make you a better spouse the second time around and will also allow you to choose better in the future
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Great post Gunny! I think it's not really a rebound thing, per se, but more that you are taken by this guy because he is so unlike your husband. He is meeting needs that haven't been met in a while. You are doing the same thing for him as well. You guys are both married...what are you thinking? I always think it's probably best to close one chapter in your life before entering another. Keeps things a whole lot simpler. Or do you find that you need drama to feel alive or something?
Gunny376 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 There are many reason why a second marriage has a bigger risk of failure then the first. Often, divorced people remarry quickly and find themselves living with the rebound or transitional person. I got caught in this one, after my divorce ~ a lot of people do. My self esteem was in the ditch, life was gloom and doom ~ it was on thing after another that kept rolling over me ~ I called them "The Storms of Life" It just got ridiculious and absurd. This was back before the Internet ~ and so my azz was left haning in the wind ~ all by myself. I suspect that a lot of people find themselves isolated and alone. Because I had four years left to complete my twenty ~ I got divorced and had to report into a new duty station where I virutally knew hardly anyone. You think going from a home to an empty apartment, try moving into a BEQ (Bachelor Enlisted Quarters ~ about like a motel room. At any rate I ended up getting into what turned out to be a transistional relationship that lasted for six and half years. "Relationships? Easy to get into, but hard to maintain and not always easy to get out of!" ~ Chris Rock. Because, I had gone through the "Light Her Fire" book, (not the CD's ~ currently available) the year that I was separated, in an effort to save my marriage, and then applied what I had learned to my then GF, well lets just say I put some things on her that she never had experienced. It got so bad that her friends were calling XMAS morning to see what I had done. After she and I broke up, I decided to give this dating/mating business a rest. 12 years married, and six-and a half with anohter one ~ and here I didn't have a whole lot of anything to show for it. I post this to say, that its easy to get yourself into something such as a relationship, but its not so easy to always get yourself out of it. I look back on it, and if I hadn't been so damned weak minded, if I had did my last four years in the barracks at the height of my carrer, I could have lived rent and utility free, (except for the phone and baisc cable plus) and ate meals fit for a king in the chow hall for $2-3. Missed opportunity ~ that you can't and won't see until you put your hindsight 20/20 glasses.
amaysngrace Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Often, divorced people remarry quickly and find themselves living with the rebound or transitional person. What really constitutes a rebound or transitional relationship anyway? Is it the amount of time in between partners? Or is it an attitude? Does it matter if many months have passed since the separation from your spouse? Or are all next relationships destined to be a rebound??
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