Lost Girl Next Door Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 I posted the "wondering why" segment earlier this week in hopes of trying to figure out why I am still crying over my ex. We will have been broken up a year next month and I guess I am hurt again because he has moved on. Does it get any better? Will I eventually just be over this? I have dated several guys in the past year and have one really interested in me that I am talking to. I just feel so lost. I am not at a point to really want to seriously date I guess. But everyone seems to say that this is the way to move on. I have started the NC with the ex who wanted to remain friends despite everything. But after using me as his back-up plan, I just can't do that anymore. (i broke up with him because i wanted more than he wants - he claims the door is still open though) Anyone have any ideals to get this crap out of my head? Should I write him and tell him the door is closed?
shawn_68 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 I have started the NC with the ex who wanted to remain friends despite everything. But after using me as his back-up plan, I just can't do that anymore. (i broke up with him because i wanted more than he wants - he claims the door is still open though) Anyone have any ideals to get this crap out of my head? Should I write him and tell him the door is closed? If you REALLY want to move on from this ... I would suggest 1. Send one last communication stating to leave you alone and that you will no longer accept communication in any form. After this, cut him off completely. No replies and no looking back. 2. Make a list of all the hurtful things he has said and done to you. Keep this list handy. Every time you feel the urge to contact him ... read the list. This will tell you everything you need to know. We tend to remember all the good times that were shared. It's human nature. But the truth is he is unwilling to give you what you want. And so there's no point in further communication. It only brings hurt to you. Leave him alone, continue to heal, and find someone when you're ready.
the_alchemyst Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 I posted the "wondering why" segment earlier this week in hopes of trying to figure out why I am still crying over my ex. We will have been broken up a year next month and I guess I am hurt again because he has moved on. Does it get any better? Will I eventually just be over this? I have dated several guys in the past year and have one really interested in me that I am talking to. I just feel so lost. I am not at a point to really want to seriously date I guess. But everyone seems to say that this is the way to move on. I have started the NC with the ex who wanted to remain friends despite everything. But after using me as his back-up plan, I just can't do that anymore. (i broke up with him because i wanted more than he wants - he claims the door is still open though) Anyone have any ideals to get this crap out of my head? Should I write him and tell him the door is closed? I have a feeling that it is going to take me a very long time to get over my exbf. I'm the type of person who has real difficulties forming any kinds of relationships, but when I do, it is really hard for me to leave them. I would not be surprised if come a year I am still sad over the break-up; I wouldn't be surprised at all. I suggest that you stop dating if you are feeling uncomfortable for two reasons: 1.) It doesn't seem to be helping you and 2.) It's unfair for the guys if they are looking for something serious, when you are not. (Unless you tell them up-front of course.) Actually, I strongly advice against dating as a method to get over someone because I don't really think if gives you the proper amount of time to get over someone. Rather, I think it only prolongs the hurt for an indetermined amount of time. If you're not happy dating, then by all means don't do it: it doesn't matter what everyone else says--at this point, what only matters is what you think and feel. I would also recommend that you do nothing more. It's over and so leave it like that. If he is not trying to communicate with you, then you should do the same. Sending him that last letter will only recreate the old feelings of hurt and add them onto these fresh ones, and you don't need that. Just let it be. The wound will heal less quickly if you are constantly picking at the scab. My break-up hurt me so very much, and it still does--just like the very first day. However, I have decided that I will not call, email, or look for him or anything anymore because it only ends up hurting me, and I don't need any more of that. And neither do you.
Author Lost Girl Next Door Posted September 25, 2006 Author Posted September 25, 2006 I wanted to thank you both Shawn and Alchemyst for your suggestions. I am especially thankful for your comments Alchemyst. It really helps to know that someone else understands the pain that I am going thru right now. I was doing a lot better at one point, but then my ex started acting like he wanted to come back. That got me hopeful and well, here I stand alone yet again. I don't feel really ready at this point to start dating someone else. I am glad that someone says "then don't". Everyone else has suggested that moving on to someone else is the main way to heal. But I am not comfortable with the thought of me blaming someone else for the misdeeds of my ex and I just don't feel ready. I am continuing the NC despite my wishes of reaching out to him. Thanks again for the words of wisdom - Good luck to you too Alchemyst -
KittenMoon Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Everyone else has suggested that moving on to someone else is the main way to heal. Those are generally the same folks that tout "You don't need someone!" whenever someone says they're lonely. There's no rule in life that says you have to be with someone, or even looking. You should really WANT to, or it will just end up a mess anyways.
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