Stomach Sick Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 My apologies if it's too long. Background story starting my ex-boyfriend: Our relationship started in middle school. It was completely stupid but somehow I can't get over how stupid it was. I had a crush on him the whoole school year and finally on my birthday party after my best friend told him that I liked it. I guess he "liked" me back. I found hard to believe because he had a crush on this one girl since 5th grade. but, i was so overexcited about finally having a boyfriend. I said yes. Now, there was no affection and he barely hung out with me. We made small talk and laughed a few times. but, he hung out more with his friends than spend time with me. And when he was affectionate, I denied it. I didn't like it, only because I was embaressed, he was very stupid. So, a couple days before our 2 months. HE came up to me and asked me if I wanted to break up with him. I told him I did and he was "Are you sure?" I told him I was positive and then he started playing a game out of it. I finally told him my finally yes and he left me alone in our end-of-the-year class party to go flirt with girls. He was very flirtacious and most of his girlfriends were girls he all had crushes on. Pretty much tramatized me. I'm not sure if he would have asked me to break up with him because I was moving to New York that year. So, yeah. I moved to NY and came back. Meet a really really really sweet guy in high school. Unlike my boyfriend, i was a bit paranoid because he had lots of friends who were girls but never really flirted with them at all. Plus, he was friends with his ex (but, i found out later that he deeply disliked her and only pretended to be nice). Three months into this new relationship, I heard from his best friend that his last relationships after me were failures and was thinking about me. I lguhed, he should have really looked into what he did when we "went out". One of them lied to him telling him she was a lesbian and left him and he was all alone. So, he called me - I didn't know it was his number, I gave his best friend my number because we had the same class, you know for homework- and towards the end of the call after all the laughs and catching-up (Which I think I overanalyzed, tell later.) he said he was going to make a poem for me. I thought was sweet and I thought he only did it to be a friend, I did remind him that I had a boyfriend. To everyone, I'm known to be really nice, so it's hard for me to be like "NOO, DON"T DO THAT!!?!?". The next night he called again, while I was talking to my boyfriend - I told him my ex was calling and he was fine with it. So I spoke to him and he tells me that he thinks he loves me after he reads me the poem..which I forgot if he even told me the poem. I told him that he didn't and straight out told him all the things he did wrong and how he expected too much (he was my first boyfriend). And he started crying. I sat there on the phone listening to him crying. He did it the two times we talked on the phone, I forgot what the first time was. It was really sad. After that i told his best friend to tell him to stop calling me. And he did. i bumped into him at Wal-mart and he bothered me the whole time, following me and making the "attempt" to talk to me. He spoke more to my brother than me. And I didn't care, I just wanted him to leave me alone. Then after that GONE, he was out of my mind, he was just the loser who was an idiot. My current boyfriend and I story: A year and 7 months now. I'm 16 now and he's 18. I met him when I was 14 dn he was 17, but it was like a month before I turned 15. We spent a lot of time together during school a few weeks into our relationship he I love you. I really did love him a lot becuse he wasn't like anyone else. he called me beautiful, was protective, he was funny, and like anycouple we were awkward in our conversation but when we got comfortable we could never stop talking. Then, during our first summer I broke down because we didn't have a lot of good communication skills. he didn't give me much space and I did some things that bothered him. I "broke" up with him for that weekend and worried myself over him. I made my brother call him numerous of times because I didn't want him to hate me, he was a REALLY sweet guy. Then we spoke and told each other everything on our mind. First time, I felt like I could breath. He really was a great guy and everything was perfectly fine. Sophomore year came and went and it was his last year. Unaware that I would barely see him as much as before but, I didn't notice until the end of summer. Before that, summer began and he got REALLY sick. he worried himself over graduation and had stomach aches. He was sick for two weeks with stomach aches, they got worse.The night he went to the ER, we were on the phone he was on the verge of crying because he was in so much pain. I told him to get off and tell his mom to take him to the hospital. He did. So, I stood up until 4 waiting for some news. His father called and told me he was diagnosed with colitis. He fought with his life because his colon was badly inflammed while I was worrying myself like crazy. I cried everytime I thought about him in pain, i mean THE HOSPITAL, someone you love with your life. I wished I was in the hospital instead of him. So, I stood by him and didn't run away from the problem. I made sure I came to the hospital and much as possible. Which really showed our strength. He got better and I felt better knowing he was fine. I found out that my boyfriend is my true true best friend. I told him things that no one has ever know- and more- and he never judged me. It was my junior year and it was the first week of school was depressing. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying because he was there. I was scared I might lose him to someone else or I might do something really stupid. he kept telling me that he wouldn't because he laoved me. And if I decided to start dating around he would wait. But, I didn't want to date. I was happy with him. That all went away until he did something my ex would do. I freaked out and now all i think about is my ex. And I'm starting to think..does this mean I love him? I don't really like my ex anymore. He was very childish. But, now I can't help but remember something bad. And I overanalyze all the things in the past. We didn't get to know each other and I thought "Well, why can't you start now?" I don't want to. And the last phone calls I laughed and talked with him and I start to wonder "Does that mean I still have feelings for him?" I don't. I called him to jsut be friends and I asked him if he wanted to come to my birthday party, i remember I was calling him and got all nervous. Don't you get nervous if you like someone? Well, he said no and I was pretty much relieved. Everytime I think about getting together with my ex, my stomach hurts soo much, I'd have to run to the bathroom bad. (sorry) But, I can't help but think that and it gets me frustrated. I just start crying. I don't want to think about my ex boyfriend and I want him to just disappear. It's worse because I never see my boyfriend as much as before. I became extremely clingy -which is just the funniest thing because I wanted space at the beginning- and everytime he does something I think he's neglecting me and I sometimes think about breaking up with him. I really really don't want to. I don't see the point of doing that when I care and love him. I'm still very very happy, I'm just upset over the fact that i barely see as much as before. Most of the time I'm overreacting and I apologize to him. The relationship now is like a LDR, he lives an hour away and we see each other once a week. I just miss him and everything seems so different that it makes me think ALOT of really stupid crap. Everytime I try to be happy and not depend on my boyfriend I always have a problem and start questioning our relationship. I'm slowly accepting that we could possibly grow apart and not last forever. And that stuff happens, but, we always thought stuff happens if you let it happen. That's usually why I'm worried about the two of us, just breaing apart and not being close. But, I'm trying to accept it. Just let me know if this means I love my ex boyfriend (or still have feelings for him), if it's normal for people to remember their ex's this way and if it will eventually goo away. Thanks for all the help.
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