What would you do?

[D-Lish]

Armour,

 

I don't know if I would mention "good luck with new bf" in your text.

Nor would I apologize for anything you have done. Maybe just a "I agree with your decision and I just want to move on with no hard feelings" would be better. Being aloof will have more of a desired effect.

 

Any chance you guys could do this in person? If you could do it in person- you will have a chance to be more sincere about things.

 

D

[Island Girl]

Good thing you haven't sent this yet. -- Sorry but I'd read it and think...'sucker'

 

I wouldn't send her a text at all. Examine your reasons for doing so.

 

Probably to let her know - "I am fine!" But that is not the way it will come across. If you are "fine" than you wouldn't be thinking of her, contacting her, or trying to let her know you're "fine".

 

You don't owe her an apology. She cheated on you and treated you like crap. Why do you owe her an apology?

 

The best revenge is living well. To me that means getting your head on straight, getting your self-worth back (cheating can make you feel like 'why wasn't I enough' and those feeling need to be worked out) and moving on to a mature mutually respectful relationship.

 

She jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. No separation between the two of you. 99.9% of the time, the rebound relationship doesn't last. It is just a matter of time before it falls apart. So don't worry she'll get hers.

[Amour77]

Never sent the text message....

[D-Lish]

Good man!

 

Let her come to you.

Create those feelings of longing in her mind.

Let her believe that you are moving on and rejecting her.

 

Is she back from her trip?

 

Remember- you don't need to apologize to her for anything.

She was the one who cheated- you're entitled to you anger over that.

 

:-)

D

[Amour77]

However....

 

I saw her today, she came "home". She is just back from her trip abroad to visit a friend....

 

I asked her how she got on... she said: "oh, it was alright, a good laugh..." "You should go there one day, you would love it... There are plenty of things you would like to do there... I thought about you and thought it was a shame you missed that...."

 

So then, I went on about telling her she was a nice person, etc... as I had planned to, and that I wished her all the happiness in the world with her new boyfriend... She quickly started to cry and I said that I was sincere.... She said it was a shame for us and it was not about having someone else or not.... She just wanted to be by herself, that I was not too keen on partying while she is, etc.... random stuff.... She also said that she was not making me happy, so I asked her why, she did not really answer...

 

She kept on crying for at least 5-10 minutes and I gave her a cuddle to comfort her, to try to show her I had no hard feelings and I was treating her like a friend. I did not attempt any kisses or anything of that kind...Although we were close, I kept my distances, so to speak, and never mentioned our relationship or me wanting to go back with her. She also said that she really wanted us to be friends, to stay in touch, that everybody around her was asking about me and stuff...

 

I let her know I had another interview for a really famous company and she was delighted. I told her I was very excited and it was a good opportunity for me... She seemed very pleased. She saw that I had been to work, etc... and seemed happy.

 

At some point, she mentionned her going with another guy because I had said it was over, which is not correct 'cause she had met that guy already and had started to see him.

 

We kept on talking for a while, about various news involving, amongst other things, my hobby....She also noticed that I had started to put some of my stuff away, ready to be packed in...

 

Then, she asked me if I was seeing someone. Again! I said it was none of her business. Then, she heard the neighbor next door going out (a female) and said: "Is that her you shag?" So I played it cool and I said "I don't want to talk about it". So she then went in a huff and said that I had been nice to her today because I was playing games and was up to something, and what I told her tonight was a lie... I retracted myself a little bit and let her understand that if I was shagging someone else, it was not the neighbor....

She then felt better and accepted a goodbye cuddle before leaving.... On her way out, she pointed at the neighbor's flat and winked at me, mimicking shagging.... What a non sense....!

 

She was to go for her gym session, but our discussion took longer so she was late....

 

 

I really do not understand what happened tonight.... She came to see me, started basically to tell me that she had thought about me during her holiday, and then started to cry when I told her that I wanted her to be happy....

I am happy because we are now in better terms and have cleared the air a little bit....I handled it well enough, I think.... I am really confused about her behavior though, more than ever... We broke up about 7 weeks ago, and she comes today and starts crying... She then is jealous (again!) and ask me about seeing someone...

I think it might be an act though, I don't think she cried for the good reasons....

What is she thinking? That is the question....

 

PS: An hour after leaving, she texted me. Will post the contents later on.

Let me know what you think of what happened first.

[D-Lish]

The girl is confused obviously.

And being very unfair to you I might add.

 

She is not ready to be with you right now- but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else. That's so unfair. Just let her keep thinking that you're moving on, that you're happy for her and happy without her.

 

You guys spent 6 years together. It's impossible for either of you to walk away without second thoughts or regrets.

 

What's up with her jealousy? She's confused. She's torn between the safety and stability that a long term relationship offers and the prospects of a new life and facing it alone. It's scary to face the unknown alone.

 

Does she still love you? Probably she does yes. But for some reason she feels she can't be with you at the moment.

 

You are doing the right thing by letting her go. I think that on some levels she thinks that if she catches you shagging someone else that it will give her a reason to be angry at you- and therefore help to diminish some of her own guilt.

 

It's wrong for her to tell you she wants to break up and then continue to pull on your heart strings with the hang ups and texts and visits.

 

Try and continue with the NC with her. Don't reach out to her- let her come to you.

 

Man, I hope you get out of your living situation soon- you'll feel so much better without the constant everyday reminders of the life you guys shared together all around you.

 

Have you confronted her about her irrational need to know if you're seeing someone? Like, come on girl "YOU BROKE UP WITH ME, YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE ELSE...AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO GET PISSY OVER THE POSSIBILITY OF ME BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE??? MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND GIRL....ENOUGH OF THE GAMES".

 

D

[Island Girl]

However....

 

I saw her today, she came "home". She is just back from her trip abroad to visit a friend....

 

I asked her how she got on... she said: "oh, it was alright, a good laugh..." "You should go there one day, you would love it... There are plenty of things you would like to do there... I thought about you and thought it was a shame you missed that...."

 

This was perfect - keep it light-hearted nothing to do with her relationship, how she is feeling (who CARES) and just fluff really.

 

So then, I went on about telling her she was a nice person, etc... as I had planned to, and that I wished her all the happiness in the world with her new boyfriend... She quickly started to cry and I said that I was sincere.... She said it was a shame for us and it was not about having someone else or not.... She just wanted to be by herself, that I was not too keen on partying while she is, etc.... random stuff.... She also said that she was not making me happy, so I asked her why, she did not really answer...

 

Would not have EVEN gone there and I hope you don't again. When you are "fine" about something you don't bring it up - you don't care. And about her being happy -- I know you sounded sincere but you really DON'T want her to be happy without you so why even bring it up.

 

The excuses with the random stuff about why she thought she wasn't making you happy were excuses because she is a flake and totally had her own agenda.

 

When she said she wasn't making you happy, blah blah blah, if it comes up next time -- please just tell her "there is no point in going into this" and be dismissive of anything that is too deep. Think about talking to a new co-worker or a new neighbor and keep the conversation on that level.

 

She kept on crying for at least 5-10 minutes and I gave her a cuddle to comfort her, to try to show her I had no hard feelings and I was treating her like a friend. I did not attempt any kisses or anything of that kind...Although we were close, I kept my distances, so to speak, and never mentioned our relationship or me wanting to go back with her. She also said that she really wanted us to be friends, to stay in touch, that everybody around her was asking about me and stuff...

 

Great that you didn't mention getting back with her, etc. But next time she doesn't get comfort. She made her bed. If she is unhappy about her decisions or feels guilty -- LET HER.

She should feel guilty. And YOU are the only person who can make her feel better about what she did. She knows that. And she shouldn't feel better. She should swim in the guilt.

 

At some point, she mentioned her going with another guy because I had said it was over, which is not correct 'cause she had met that guy already and had started to see him.

 

She is still lying. Still trying to come off better than her actual deeds.

 

That is why you shouldn't make her feel better. She is still trying to find excuses for making sleazy decisions.

 

She is wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Then, she asked me if I was seeing someone. Again! I said it was none of her business. Then, she heard the neighbor next door going out (a female) and said: "Is that her you shag?" So I played it cool and I said "I don't want to talk about it". So she then went in a huff and said that I had been nice to her today because I was playing games and was up to something,

 

You should have said, "I don't have time for this. Don't project your insecurities and lies on me. I have always been honest with you and if you can't accept that there are parts of my life that are non of your business anymore that is your problem, not mine." --- and then get the heck out of there.

 

Let her get huffy. She wants you to be clinging to her and wants to be your special someone while she has someone else.

 

Exactly as D-Lish said - she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She wants you pining away, rocking in a corner, crying... Typical of a selfish cheating lying snake.

 

 

and what I told her tonight was a lie... I retracted myself a little bit and let her understand that if I was shagging someone else, it was not the neighbor....

 

Who cares if it IS lie? She is a liar. So she is a liar who demands the truth - sheesh that is rich.

 

Let her think what she wants next time. The neighbor, some girl at the grocery store, the hot model on the front of a magazine -- it is NONE of her business. Let her think it's true. She is getting a kick out of the fact et and wants to make she is not so easily replaced. Let her believe the opposite.

 

She is having moments of regret. She wants to make sure the door is still open for her IF she wanted to come back.

 

She does this by seeing if she'll get a comforting reaction to her crying AND if you'll alleviate her jealousy as you would if you were still together. Your reaction to these things give her reason to think "still gotcha" even if she doesn't want you.

 

It is all part of her getting an ego boost at your expense. Because when you do this for her she loses respect for you as a man.

 

So what do you do? You don't make her feel better. You let her think you are moving on to greener patures with whomever you want and all of it is NONE of her business anymore.

 

Of course if you run into her - you behave as if you are happy, everything is working in your favor and you are not even thinking of her because that would be the past and with such a bright present and future WHY in the world would you do that?

 

Kepp everything on a light level talking about work, etc. is good. Don't ask about her love life (you really don't want to hear it - if it is good - you especially don't want to hear it; and if it is bad, you want to give her the impression you don't give a f***). If she brings it up - tell her I really don't want to her about this - it really is none of my business. Or if she mentions something about it being bad - you got a juicy tid-bit - but you still say "yeah, that sucks. Anyway...<change the subject or stop the conversation>"

[Amour77]

This is what she texted, about one hour after leaving the house....

 

"I really do hope that you WILL be happy :-) I am pleased about your ***** interview! Sounds good! This is about ME&YOU though Amour77, not anyone else (neighbors or otherwise!!!) I am not trying to screw you over and obviously would prefer to not argue, lie or be nasty to each other from now on."

 

Exactly like this....

 

I find it hard to understand, above all the second part.... She still mentions the neighbor. She does not want to argue, etc.... anymore, but there is not much left to argue about: the only thing left is the house, really....

 

What is she on about?

 

Should I challenge her on the meaning of this text and on her jealousy? Say something like D-Lish suggested: "Make up your mind!!!"

 

I am also thinking about going to have a chat with her mum, just to tell her what happened yesterday and tell her that her daughter is confused (I won't criticize her or anything).

[Island Girl]

"I really do hope that you WILL be happy :-) I am pleased about your ***** interview! Sounds good! This is about ME&YOU though Amour77, not anyone else (neighbors or otherwise!!!)

 

She is not hoping for your happiness or demise --- she is too self centered and self absorbed to really care about anything to do with you.

 

--- The neighbor comment and her false statements about your happiness are to try to insure that you don't bounce any idea off anyone else -- or run anything she says by anyone else. She is counting on the fact that because she is putting it like this you'll see divulging information as a betrayal and won't do it.

Although I guarantee she is talking to whomever will listen!

 

I am not trying to screw you over and obviously would prefer to not argue, lie or be nasty to each other from now on."

 

This is a disclaimer because it is exactly what she intends to do.

 

Notice she says she does not want to argue (she is in the wrong, not you) she does not want to lie (she is the only one lying - still is lying too) or be nasty to eachother (she is the one who has done the unthinkable - still has left you with no closure - and continues to try to manipulate YOU) but what she means is that she doesn't want you to do these things to HER.

 

Do as I say not as I do. Pfffft!!!!

 

Say something like D-Lish suggested: "Make up your mind!!!"

 

No --- "make up your mind" comments. That implies you are still waiting around for her -- she's still "Gotcha" -- that implies she still has all the power, etc. And you are prime for more game playing.

 

I would send her a text - "nothing to be bent about. Selling the house is just business. All we have to discuss is business." And have that be your response to her no matter how emotional or wigged out she wants to get. You want to come across as a person staring at an exhibit in the zoo. Not attached -- no feeling -- no connection. Just watching the "Whack-O" and thinking - "Wow. That Whack-O sure is bizarre."

 

"I am also thinking about going to have a chat with her mum, just to tell her what happened yesterday and tell her that her daughter is confused (I won't criticize her or anything).

 

NO CHAT WITH MUM OR ANYONE ELSE WHO KNOWS HER. That comes across loud and clear to her as, "I still care! I still care! You can still torment me and hurt me. You can still lie to me and manipulate me."

 

Only talk about her to people you KNOW will never say anything to her, preferably to people who don't know her.

[Amour77]

Like always, thank you for your replies.

 

I don't know why, but I have these silly ideas to go and speak to her mum.... I know it is useless

 

The big question is about this jealousy business....! Is she playing with me or is she jealous because she still has feelings?

As a bit of background, I can say she always has been jealous. Right from the time we started to date!

I had told her that I had had quite a few girlfriends before (around my early 20's), etc...., she never took that very well and thought at the start that I was only with her to sleep with her.

I remember once going to the movies and saying that the actress was cute, she went mad at me.

Everytime there was a new woman in my life (a work collegue, a friend, a neighbor, etc....) she always said something like "Do you fancy her? Do you want to sleep with her?" I never cheated on her so she did not have to have such doubts.

 

Anyway, I have never replied to her text message.

 

Island Girl, thank you for your interpretation. At the end of the day, the more I read this text message, the more I think it is like a coded message.

[D-Lish]

I completely agree with Island Girl about going into Business Mode- it should be all business from here on out.

 

And no- don't talk to her mum...no, no, no!

 

:-)

D

[Amour77]

Like always, thank you for your replies.

 

I don't know why, but I have these silly ideas to go and speak to her mum.... I know it is useless

 

The big question is about this jealousy business....! Is she playing with me or is she jealous because she still has feelings?

As a bit of background, I can say she always has been jealous. Right from the time we started to date!

I had told her that I had had quite a few girlfriends before (around my early 20's), etc...., she never took that very well and thought at the start that I was only with her to sleep with her.

I remember once going to the movies and saying that the actress was cute, she went mad at me.

Everytime there was a new woman in my life (a work collegue, a friend, a neighbor, etc....) she always said something like "Do you fancy her? Do you want to sleep with her?" I never cheated on her so she did not have to have such doubts.

 

Anyway, I have never replied to her text message.

 

Island Girl, thank you for your interpretation. At the end of the day, the more I read this text message, the more I think it is like a coded message.

 

I wanted to edit my post, but it did not work....

 

Just wanted to add that once, to show the extent of her jealousy, she told me that if I cheated on her, she would be totally devastated and she would kill me. "Don't ever do that!" This was at least a year ago, if not more.

[Moai]

Oh man! Why did it even occur to you to talk to her mom? If I were you I would seriously think about where your head is at.

 

You are getting great advice so far, but I would add this--forget about this chick and get teh hell out of there!

 

She cheated on you. Done right there. She decided that all of the history you guys had together was not worth one night with some random guy who happened to be dreamy. And then you would actually consdier apologizing for being angry???? WTF???? I would have set her stuff on fire in the front yard.

 

It isn't your fault, but over the course of this relationship this whacko of a chick has gotten your mind so twisted it is unbelievable! I am sure it didn't happen all at once, but damn, you are in a really bad headspace.

 

Island Girl is right about what her text message. All of the thing sthat she said only apply to you, not her. She sucks, man. I am sure that she is not without her positive qualities, but I assure you almost every other woman has those, too.

 

When she asked if you were sleeping with your neighbor and she freaked, you should have let her. Never make her ok about her feelings--or yours--ever again! She lost that when she cheated. End of story.

 

If she wigs out, who cares. If she cries at night, who cares. If she can't bear the idea of not having you in her life--tough. Should've thought about that before you got team nude with another man.

 

Do you really want to be with such a self-centered, evil, emotionally manipulative snake? Do you even want someone like this in your life AT ALL? Is it really important that someone like this has a good opinion of you? If I were you I'd cut her off forever, and if you saw her out walk by as if you don't even know who she is.

 

You know that any assurance you give her will make her respect you less than she does now (if that is even possible), and rewards her for bad behavior. I would bail regardless, but after she cheated if she was frank about it and really wanted to work on your relationship that would be one thing, but the way she is no f'ing way!

 

Let some other poor bastard take your place. There are hundreds of them lining up, sadly. Don't be one of them.

[Amour77]

I completely agree with Island Girl about going into Business Mode- it should be all business from here on out.

 

And no- don't talk to her mum...no, no, no!

 

:-)

D

 

No, I won't talk to her mum. As I said in my previous post (the jealousy one), I don't know why I sometimes think about doing that! I won't do it!

 

I got in touch with the ex to let her know a similar house to ours got sold in the neighborhood for "xyz". She thinks ours is not worth "xyz" and is hoping to buy me out on the cheapest deal as possible.... She is going to have a surprise!

[rosybifocals]

One of the reasons she gave me is that I was not making her happy because I was not happy myself in my life. Fair point, I do recognize that... I am doing a job that I hate and I ended up feeling moody, moany, etc...., above all this past year. As the saying goes, to make someone happy, you need to be happy. I was not, I admit it, and I know why.

She feels that she needs to live her own life and make herself happy. She does not want to have me as a negative thing in her life.

Was this the primary reason? I understand her position on not being happy...I am in a similar position myself in a relationship, however she cannot blame you for your own unhappiness. It is obvious that is not want you want, and it seems kind of unfair to blame the end of the relationship on the fact that you were unhappy. You should have seen a therapist and look into the possibility that you may be suffering from a slight depression. Anti-depression medicine could have boosted your mood, and posssibly helped your relationship a lot.

 

The living together situation seems really tough. I go to the same university as my boyfriend, and in times when I am trying to seperate from him and give space, it is so hard just walking past his room...I cannot imagine living together and feeling you couldnt just have them.

 

It's a really weird situation, and it is possible it could work out in the end. You guys should really decide what you want...despite all the complications, what do you WANT. It seems to me like you still love and want to be with her, and if she is going to miss you when you leave, she may have similar feelings. Couples therapy is really beneficial when trying to organize how to work out both of your wants and needs to work out for the both of you.

 

I do hope you feel better though, it must be extremely hard seeing her everyday.

good luck:)

[Island Girl]

I got in touch with the ex to let her know a similar house to ours got sold in the neighborhood for "xyz". She thinks ours is not worth "xyz" and is hoping to buy me out on the cheapest deal as possible.... She is going to have a surprise!

 

Good for YOU!

 

After everything that has happened do not allow your heart to interfere IN ANY WAY and end up getting screwed financially.

 

It is a business relationship at this point and that's all it is.

 

She has another shoulder to cry on and another man to manipulate. If she is unhappy it is of her own doing.

 

She should have been honest with you. You deserve that but, even now, she wants to paint a rosey picture on her misdeeds and depends on you to bend for her wants. Selfish just doesn't seem a strong enough word.

 

Perhaps her concern with the neighbor is that you would talk about values of property, etc. and she wants you kept in the dark.

 

You CAN use her outrageous "jealousy" to your advantage. She wants to believe (we all do to some degree) that we are the most special & no one can take our place with a significant other. Maturity allows us to put that in perspective, feel happy if the other has moved on and wishing the other person WILL find happiness.

 

She doesn't. She wants you to mourn her and stay hanging in limbo unable to move on because you want her while she keeps company with a man she cheated on you with. Completely unfair, and in light of how you have handled the whole situation, irrational.

 

As gentlemanly as you have been throughout this drama (I am IMPRESSED to say the least) you deserve the best life and love has to offer.

 

The only thing a rotten girl does well is keep the good ones away. Get her out of your mind and life so you can find someone truly worthy of you.

[D-Lish]

Well said Island Girl.

 

Armour... you do deserve better- and you truly have handled things well.

I would have blown a gasket if I was in your current situation...

 

Once you get things put back together with the job and you get out of the house situation- you'll feel A LOT better.

 

Get a real estate agent in to do a market evaluation for you. Forward her the evaluation via courier...talk to a lawyer about making sure you get a fair return from her if she wants to buy you out.

 

It's amazing the things people will do to deflect blame from themselves. She seems good at making you feel guilty for her mistreatment of you.

Time to get the ball rolling and move forward.....all business.

 

Good luck!

Dee

[Amour77]

I saw her today... Started with small talk..... Then I asked her about her text message and its meaning. She was in a huff 'cause I did not reply. Tough! Who cares anyway? I am not gonna even reply to a lying bit**. She then argued I had sent her, as a reply, a message about the house the following day....Yes, I told her, just wanted to inform you. "I am not here to argue", she said. Oh well... who cares?

 

Then, she realised I had opened a letter that we received today. She said: "This has nothing to do with you, it was sent to me, it is my name.... It is illegal to do that". I told her I had recognised the envelope and knew it was about the house, so I was totally entitled to open the letter and find out what it was about. It is my house too, she seems to forget it, but I strongly reminded her the facts. Anyway, it was nothing exceptional, just the conditions surrounding the evaluation. She started to threaten me, then stopped. She thinks she is just gonna buy the house, but she forgets I have my say and that she would buy it ONLY IF I was willing to sell it to her! She was quite aggressive and clueless!

 

Apparently, the text message was about me and her being friends, and she mentionned something about the neighbor, but it did not make sense to me. I just thought, "you are talking nonsense here".

Then, I talked to her about the jealousy thing, I know I should not have done so, but I also wanted her to know that it was unacceptable for her to tell me what I should do or not do. I made a big stance for myself there!

"At the end of the day, you are the one who left me, cheated on me when I was away from home, slept with another guy..., so stick to your guns and leave me live my life now. We are NOT together anymore. I won't accept these remarks anymore." I was very firm!

 

She then explained all her crying: "It is very emotional, it is sad to break up after 5 years, to realise it is over, I don't want to make you sad, I know you don't believe me", etc....

 

She also kinda apologised for the jealousy thing and said it was none of her business, she should not have done it. She wants me to be happy, etc.... which I AM I told her.

She then mentioned again that if I had slept with the neighbor, first, she is not nice, second, it would put her and the neighbor in an awkward situation in the future. I don't see why, but hey, that is her latest twist! She asked again: "Did you?" I said "nothing to do with you"! She left in a huff saying have a nice weekend!

 

I am going to have a nice weekend to myself, thanks. I have met a nice lady, we are starting to date and get to know each other, and, you know what.... The ex can get to fu*k !!!! Good riddance! I am just realising how bad she is and how someone else can be closer to what I am really looking for in a lady.

 

The future is bright, whatever happens!

[D-Lish]

Good Armour... very good.

 

It sounds like you are entering the angry phase. That's a good sign believe it or not - it will help you put things into perspective. And moving on by dating will help you heal as well.

 

Make sure you get your fair share out of the house!

 

D

[Island Girl]

Then, she realised I had opened a letter that we received today. She said: "This has nothing to do with you, it was sent to me, it is my name.... It is illegal to do that". I told her I had recognised the envelope and knew it was about the house, so I was totally entitled to open the letter and find out what it was about.

 

Soooo -- here in the US, she is right. And I wouldn't open her mail., I would immediately call the company that sent the letter and ask for a duplicate copy to be sent to your name. You are on the title correct?

 

If she is no longer living at the house, you could be really nasty and start returning her mail "not at this residence". I wouldn't. You've been a gentleman up until now. I would immediately call the company that sent the letter and ask for a duplicate copy to be sent to your name. You are on the title correct?

 

It is my house too, she seems to forget it, but I strongly reminded her the facts. Anyway, it was nothing exceptional, just the conditions surrounding the evaluation. She started to threaten me, then stopped. She thinks she is just gonna buy the house, but she forgets I have my say and that she would buy it ONLY IF I was willing to sell it to her! She was quite aggressive and clueless!

 

Of course. She was - and is still counting on the fact that you have been understanding and comforting to her this whole time. (WHY you have been up until now? You were confused hurt and jilted. WHY you aren't anymore? You have now seen that she craeted this situation and you DON'T have to remain a victim in this. You can pick yourself up, smarter and stronger, and move on to a better relationship).

 

 

Then, I talked to her about the jealousy thing, I know I should not have done so, but I also wanted her to know that it was unacceptable for her to tell me what I should do or not do. I made a big stance for myself there!

"At the end of the day, you are the one who left me, cheated on me when I was away from home, slept with another guy..., so stick to your guns and leave me live my life now. We are NOT together anymore. I won't accept these remarks anymore." I was very firm!

 

Fantastic. Really Amour! Great and how do you feel about standing up for yourself?! I bet you feel better about yourself than you have in a long time. Feel it. Know it. That is the attractive quality that you have not been displaying. Get ready for a lot of female attention!

 

She then explained all her crying: "It is very emotional, it is sad to break up after 5 years, to realise it is over, I don't want to make you sad, I know you don't believe me", etc....

 

SHe doesn't want to make you sad? Sheesh. Really! Save the waterworks. She doesn't care if you are sad or not. She has her own agenda. She is hoping to get over on you for sure. I hope you are on the paperwork for the house because that is her ultimate goal.

 

She then mentioned again that if I had slept with the neighbor, first, she is not nice, second, it would put her and the neighbor in an awkward situation in the future. I don't see why, but hey, that is her latest twist! She asked again: "Did you?" I said "nothing to do with you"! She left in a huff saying have a nice weekend!

 

DO YOU SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL? She is concerned that if you sleep with the neighbor it will put HER in an awkward situation in the future. She is planning on getting the house, no two ways about it. She is planning on you being OUT. I hope you have consulted with an attorney just so you are informed of what your rights are and what she can and can't do. Information is POWER!

 

I am going to have a nice weekend to myself, thanks. I have met a nice lady, we are starting to date and get to know each other, and, you know what.... The ex can get to fu*k !!!! Good riddance! I am just realising how bad she is and how someone else can be closer to what I am really looking for in a lady.

 

The future is bright, whatever happens!

 

I am so excited for you. Here you are embarking on a fresh start. You are sooooo far ahead of the game right now. I am so HAPPY for you.

[D-Lish]

I can't stress enough- just get out of the living situation. Whether you sell the house or have her buy you out... it doesn't matter. Everything around you reminds you of your relationship. The sooner you are out and on your own- the better.

 

I am speaking from experience on this matter. You're in limbo right now- in transition, and that is a strange time.

 

I bet you do feel better having gained some semblence of control back.

You needed to do that.

 

She seems to want to push the fighting...don't engage in this. She just wants an excuse to make you out to be an ass-h&le... so she doesn't feel bad about herself and what she has done.

 

You truly are being a gentleman though all of this. It must be hard.

Commendable though- how you are conducting yourself.

 

D-Lish

[Amour77]

After more than a month of no contact or very little contact, we saw each other today to discuss "business" as I would call it, but to cut a story short, we both ended crying when we mentionned things we used to do, etc....

I do not know if this is normal or not, I thought I was over her, and I thought she was definitely over me too, but it just happened, after all this time.

I do not know what this means and I do not want to look into it too much. However, we were both very upset and we can't deny it.

 

Why?

[D-Lish]

Why? Cuz you loved each other and spent 6 years of your lives together. It's normal, and even healthy.

 

Feelings just don't go away, and whether you choose to believe it or not, it's still fresh for both of you. I suspect there is still a whole lot of unresolved pain on both your ends.

 

You okay?

D

[Amour77]

Thank you D,

 

I am okay and am not okay at the same time, if you see what I mean.

 

It was weird because I really felt I was over her and seeing her today just questionned the whole thing. I thought she was so beautiful and she looked better than never. I wanted to tell her that, but I never.

 

At this stage of the game, when all has been said and done, it is really puzzling me to see what happened. During the breakup, I was thinking that she was trying to lead me on, etc... to get what she wanted, ie house, etc...but now that everything is truly over, I really do not see why she would do that.

 

She mentionned so many things about us. She even analyzed a few things/factors that contributed to our downfall and we both agreed these had played a role in it. I tried to remain business like, but we spoke for about an hour and the last 15-20 minutes were very emotional, something we both did not want to happen.

 

She again said all the things she said during the break up, saying she would miss me, she wanted us to remain friends if I wanted to (but she would respect my choice if I did not want to), that she would miss our times together, the place we were going on holiday together, etc... She also noticed that I was not home very often lately and that I was "probably seeing someone else" and did the whole jealousy thing again.

Behaving this way makes me think (unless I am totally stupid) that she still has feelings for me.

 

So I really do not know what to think. We have spent some time apart now, and the break up is following its course. We have experienced the world by ourselves, have had different experiences...

However, something makes me think that there is still a spark between us, however dimmed it might be at the moment. And I don't know if I want to let that spark die forever....I truly do not know!

[D-Lish]

I think you guys would have to be robots to walk away from one another after all this time without harbouring any feelings for one another. There's no doubt in my mind there is still a spark on her side too- and some regrets and confusion as well.

 

I wish I was a robot. My ex is a freakin robot.

 

I think what you and your ex experienced was a little bit of closure. At the very least, it's closure on that particular chapter. It doesn't mean it has to stay closed for good.... but who knows, you may find happiness elsewhere in the meantime.

 

How are things going with the new girl?