NeverLate Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Hey Lizad. Well things are weird right now. Her H has been out of town so shes been alone for a few days. During that time we havent been together but we have talked on the phone a million times and emailed even more. She seems to be going out of her way to be platonic with me. I sent her an emial telling her that I love her she blew it off completely. its so frustrating but she tells me that Im just pissed that I dont get the response from her that I want. Well shes right! She talks with me 10 times as much as she talks with her H. She comunicates with me in a way I know she cant with her H. Yet she treats me like this!??? I just want to tell her to go fly a kite sometimes. I mean we talked by phone at least 4 times yesterday and exchanged dozens of emails. i know how she feels and she knows I know but she wont admit it to me or to herself. Anyway, help me Lizad help me! NL
plexus Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Hi there, Well I have to tell you that I ended the A........... I have been going back and forth with this countless times over the duration of the A. I really never planned on leaving my H and family but deep down maybe I have wondered what it would be like to be with my MM. My relationship at home has been a constant to his insane ups and downs. Everyday, it would change with him.....they hate each other, they are getting along, he's leaving, he's staying etc etc.....which always made me question his integrity and never trust what he has said. Truthfully, I dont think he knows what he is doing and the type of person he is, he overreacts.....the one think that he swore on his children is that they have not slept together...... really makes no diff. b/ I really dont believe that anyway...... I have no doubt that he loves me and that he has never met anyone like me but I am a fantasy for him. and yes, the chemistry could knock your socks off but that's what happens when you live a fantasy life with someone. Anyway, I met with him today and we had a long talk b/c we have not been getting along that great the last few weeks and the fact that the stress of this relationship has really been affecting me physically....... What It came down to is that if he had a choice, it would be her and his family..... not that my choice wouldnt be mine however the risk I take having this A is huge.......and the fact that if something happened here or if I wanted him, I know now that he can't say he would be there... remember you kept asking why she can have all of you but really cant b.c you are unavailable.......well maybe she feels the way I do. my MM had many an opportunity to leave, he even moves out for 2 months last year only to go back. he is never leaving and even know I dont know you, my guess is that you couldn't either. I guess the fact that over the last year, he has said that if I were out there, he's walk.......and now I know in my heart of heart that he wouldn't be made me make the decision I have made today........ I am sad, I do love him, not sure how I am going to do this except take one day at a time. I blocked him from e-mailing me so that I wont hear as well as not get upset if I dont...... I think that in an A situation, people get hurt no matter what or which party. I am hurting for the loss of someone I shared so much with over 2 plus years....... I wrote him the goodbye letter, he called and I didntpick up.......then he called me at work and it's funny b/c I said even knowit hurt hearing that I really am not number one, I was glad he was honest and he said "yea, well look at where that got me" which leads me to believe that he prob. has said many things that he thought I wanted to hear just to have me still be with him........ well if you have any comments.......I'd sure love to hear them.
NeverLate Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Wow, sounds like youve made some major strides Lizad. I'm proud of you! I would like to believe that we could continue our love affairs forever as long as both parties understand the nature of this type of relationship. That is, it comes second to W/H and family. It is based on opportunity rather than making a concerted effort to be together. i think if both parties recognize these limitations then I do think its possible. The one thing I'm missing with my A is my OW doesnt recognize the connection we have. She ignores it and runs from it. Why, she does I havent a clue but she does. Maybe if I break it off with her all together (NC hasnt worked so far BTW) we can both move on. I mean she and I both put so much energy into this relationship but we are always dancing around the truth of how we feel about each other. She thinks that if we ignore that part, the rest of our relationship is okay. Now would she tell her H about the friendship she and I share? I dont think so. So why then does she run from the obvious truth that we are truly in love with each other? To me she and I should embrace that fact and then work to find the balance that allows us to enjoy each other when possible and the rest of the time enjoy our wonderful connection. It just doesnt make any sense to me. Anyway, I think you have taken a major step and its just too bad you and your OM cant just enjoy what you have without all of the baggage. Just my opinion. NL
plexus Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 well that's just it......there is always BAGGAGE.......so it sounds to me like you want your cake and eat it too...lol that;s ok if you and the OW are on the same page..... Unfortunately emotions and all get in the way of that sometimes on both sides. maybe that is exactly what your OW worries about. she doesnt want to profess her undying love for you and get caught up b/c she knows seep down that you will not leave.......I think most of the time it''s harder for the OW than the OM b/c we get very emotional and maybe just maybe have a little more guilt???? If she said she wanted you, would you leave for her? TRUTH?????
NeverLate Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 No I dont guess I would. You know how to get to the heart of the matter dont you... I wish I could figure out how to email you....
plexus Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 so why are you unhappy with the situation that you have with your OW???? She is not asking anything of you..... do u want to give me your e-mail address?
NeverLate Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 So Plexus, what do you do with two people who know that what they are doing is wrong, they make multiple attempts to end their relationship start NC and fail miserably almost immediately, and then start all over again. I swear now I know how Bill Murray felt in the movie Groundhogs day! I need your help!!!!!!!! NL
plexus Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I got the same problem........AA.........affairs anonymous
NeverLate Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Hi Plexus, havent heard from you is everything ok? let me know NL
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