Fell in love while he was engaged

[BESTFRIENDS]

hello everyone, i just read so many different postings and I am really confused about what to do, so here we go, I am in love with a married man.but it didnt start that way. when i met him he's just got engaged,however he was never thrilled about it,he did it because it was the thing left to do.anyway,we met and right away we hit it off. we became BEST friends....for real.we hanged out everyday almost 24/7.at the time,i was single,i had broken up with my boyfriend and he would give me advice on how to cope with dating.

 

After four months of knowing him, I got back with my boyfriend but still hanged out with Best friend.anyway, after hanging out and confiding and teasing/flirting with each other for over a year, we started fooling around.he would questioned whether he should get married, but at the time we both thought it couldnt be avoided. As time went on,we developed feelings for each other,he started to realized that his fiance and him were totally diff people with very litttle in common.Over the time that they had been together he never really confided in her, he told me stuff and did stuff with me that anyother couple that was getting married would do with each other....he was himself with me....and with her like he said, he had to put on an act.We are very similar in character,goals,interests etc.Even the persons that we were dating, my boyfriend and his fiance were so similar that at times it was unbelievable.We told each other we loved each other.

 

His mom even saw the fact that his heart wasnt in the wedding and the day before she asked him whether he wanted....he felt trapped. At this point we had already 2 years of knowing and being with each other everyday.The day of the wedding, i was heartbroken and so was he.He didnt look happy and during the reception he would come to talk to me and be around me...the day after his wedding day,he came to see me before leaving to his honeymoon.In his honeymoon,he never became intimate with her because he couldnt do it(believe me...he didnt...I know for sure).Him and his wife,have ever since been having problems and he told her that he didnt love her.It has been already three years and they have been married for 5 months and all these months they both have been unhappy because he doesnt show her affection.

 

At this point, they are talking about divorce. I love him very much, but I am still with my boyfriend because I know that he's a good guy,but I am not IN LOVE with him.We tell each other to get out of the situation but I am afraid that things will change.that i'll get hurt or that he'll resent me.Someone said that after a divorce things get so out whack that a person changes and our relationship might fail.But the fact is,that he has realized that even if I was not in the picture,he knows that he shouldnt be with his wife.....what do I do

[GreenEyedLady]

You can do nothing about him...you need to focus on YOU...why would you be with your boyfriend when you have intense feelings for someone else? You are not M to your boyfriend, you can get out with relatively little hassle...

 

There are MAJOR red flags that go up from your story: he's only married 5 months and involved with you (I'm not sure of the extent from your post)...contrary to what I've read in a couple posts lately, it takes ALOT for a man to get married in the first place...they don't just do it on a whim...

 

I'm also a little perplexed with the fact that you knew he was getting married and that you didn't step back and give he and his fiancee a chance...

 

As for him not consummating his marriage, don't kid yourself...unless he has erectile dysfunction, IT happened...the thing about being an OW is being real with what's going on and coming to terms with it...

 

I'm not one to try and tell people what to do, but you seem young...do what you need to do to be happy...from your post your best bet is going it alone for awhile, out of both situations...but that's just my opinion...

 

good luck...I know it's hard when you're in the middle of it...

[HoldOn]

Hi, I have just a couple things to say.

 

First, it is not fair or nice to continue dating your boyfriend when you are not IN love with him and you are in love with someone else. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is he like your backup plan? I think you should considering breaking it off with him and give him a chance to find someone who would love him.

 

Second, it is very strange that your Best friend went through with the wedding even though he didn't want to. He's either very very weak or actually in love with his wife. Either way, it doesn't bode well for you.

 

Third, I agree with above poster that you really need to be alone for a while. Once you are single and don't talk to Best friend for a while, you can consider what is actually best for you.

[Seen_It_All]

When i met him he's just got engaged,however he was never thrilled about it,he did it because it was the thing left to do.

 

And why was it the 'thing to do?' Because he just felt like ruining some woman's life because it was 'the thing to do?' What a ball-less wonder.

 

at the time,i was single,i had broken up with my boyfriend and he would give me advice on how to cope with dating.

 

LOL, this guy shouldn't be giving advice to ANYONE about dating or relationships. He can't even conduct his own personal life in a mature or honorable manner. Please.

 

he would questioned whether he should get married, but at the time we both thought it couldnt be avoided.

 

And why is that? The wedding was months and months off. So what was the criteria for this oh-so-intelligent decision to carry on with the wedding while he's already screwing around on her?

 

he was himself with me....and with her like he said, he had to put on an act.

 

And YET, he still wanted to go ahead with the wedding. Even though being with her was pure he*ll. Hmm.

 

he felt trapped.

 

Now why is that? You'd both decided that he would go on with the wedding. Apparently, he'd bought his ticket and decided to go for the ride - of course, keeping you his little secret on the side the entire time.

 

In his honeymoon,he never became intimate with her because he couldnt do it(believe me...he didnt...I know for sure).

 

I didn't know you went on their honeymoon with them and slept in the same bed the night of their wedding. Because unless you DID, you DON'T know the truth. Period.

 

he told her that he didnt love her.It has been already three years and they have been married for 5 months and all these months they both have been unhappy because he doesnt show her affection.

 

What a prince. What a stand up guy. He dragged this women into this marriage with his LIES and was a cheating dog the entire time they were engaged. Is he happy with his low life behavior? Did he accomplish what he set out to do? Make this woman miserable?

 

I am still with my boyfriend because I know that he's a good guy,but I am not IN LOVE with him.

 

Ahhh, so your boyfriend is Plan B in case Mr. Ball-less Wonder fails to continue being the shining example of humanity he's been so far, and gets flaky after his divorce, eh? Good plan. I can't see how it could fail.

 

I've seen nothing but selfishness and self-centered behavior in this post from the very first word. The two of you - you and your MM - have done nothing but use and abuse the people who love you.

 

You both deserve each other. I hope you win your 'prize.'

[HeyYouGuys]

What a sad sad story.

 

 

OK, from what you've written I gather this guy

 

* has no balls

 

* can't make a decision to save his life

 

* is a liar

 

* is incredibly immature

 

 

You've known each other PLENTY of time for him to get off the pot, end things with this other woman and be available to you.

 

Instead, he let things drag on.....drag on....drag on....the whole while complaining that his 'heart' wasn't in it?

 

 

COME ON!!!!!

 

 

A real man would have broken things off with his fiancee, knowing that this marriage wasn't the right thing to do.

 

And you would have ended things with your BF, knowing that your feelings weren't there for him.

 

 

Instead, the two of you carried on this 'friendship' (with some fooling around thrown in for good measure) while the two duped souls involved with the both of you went along thinking they were in 'real' relationships with you.

 

What a mess!

 

 

You both need to stop being drama queens here.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but there is no reason for this situation to even exist.

[BUTAFLY]

Your story is similar to mine. I fell in love with an engaged man, granted he hid that fact from me. A week before the wedding he confessed. We stopped sleeping together but we still taked everyday for hours and talked at work every chance we got. He told me his heart wasn't in it, him and his fiance were completely different, he can be himself and open with me ect ect... I told him,"You asked her to marry you for a reason you love her." He replys I thought I was the next step to do in life,I didn't know I was going to find you." I told him he has two options- Marry her or call it off. He was afraid of the disappointment he would cause, he would look like a failure (2nd marriage) So he chose to marry. I was hurt ,devestated ,shocked, mad, depressed,, every emotion you can think of because he never told me of his decission he just left.

 

He called me while on his honeymoon to appologize, he called me when he got back from the honeymoon. but I never answered his calls. A month later after he leave from work he corners me and appologizes for leaving that way and continues to tell me I'm the one he should have married and that he made a mistake...he couldn't sleep with her on the honeymoon because they argued most of the time.

 

When I look back on the situation I realize what man who has the chance to be with someone they love will turn it down, especailly before its too late. He took the plung because he wanted to, because he loves her, or else he would have never asked her to marry him. If they get divorced perhaps you will be there waiting but don't hold your breath.