Am I just being Paranoid?

[Thieves1011]

I know it's long but please take the time.

 

I have been with my now fiancée for over a year now. She is from another country as this is a long distance relationship. We have spent several months together, her here in the states and me in her country. My fiancée is 20 years old and has a lot of growing up to do. She has never had a real boyfriend and has a lot to learn in dealing with relationships. I have also noticed that she has never gotten affectionate love from her parents, they just don’t show affection; they are very hard and demanding

 

When my then girlfriend went back to her country she started bartending. She was drinking a lot and partying a lot. She had some real bad days and wasn’t dealing with the distance too well. Our relationship cooled, the e-mails slowed, the talking was dull, and she just wasn’t around. After she had a moment of clarity our relationship picked up again. She later admitted that she had cheated on me by kissing some guy when she was drunk

 

I let it go and chalked it up to immaturity, being young and dumb, finding that attention she needed, and falling into drunken temptation

 

Later in our relationship I proposed and she said yes. She was still saying she was sorry for doing what she did and it would never happen again. She said she feels different about our relationship now that we are engaged and feels a lot closer to me. She is a strong Catholic girl. She saved herself for me and we indeed made love after all of this. She said she is committed, that being engaged means the world to her. That she knows how to handle herself now.

 

I came home from my visit to her country and we both made promised not to get drunk so we wouldn’t do something stupid. After a couple of months being apart she was going crazy being stuck in the house. She had previously quit the bartending job when I came to visit but decided she needed to do something to help pass the time. She started bartending again. She has been doing it for about a month now. The promise not to drink was already agreed to be broken by this time due to sheer boredom. I noticed she was starting to hang out more with friends. She was telling me she had gotten too drunk a couple of times. I noticed the e-mails slowing, the talking slowing, and a lack of interest or effort to communicate in the past couple of weeks.

 

This past weekend she took a day off of work to go to the city to party with a girlfriend of hers. The city is an hour bus ride away, neither of them drives. She had called me last night to tell me that she did this and that on Saturday, and then her and her friend were picked up to go to the city.

 

I talked with her the following day and she said she was so tired. That she was really feeling bad. She said she told her job that Friday was going to be her last day. She told me that the job was not good for her. She was partying too much because of it and she needed to get away from it

 

All this has me very suspicious that she might have cheated on me this night. She never takes days off of work. She said she was dancing with some English guys and previously in the week she had mentioned some English guys coming into her work. I’m wondering if they were the guys who picked them up and took them to the city. Maybe the girlfriend had interest in one of the guys and my fiancée went along. I don’t really know. The fact that she is quiting her job makes me think she might have done something, or realized she was putting herself in bad situations

 

I want to confront her about this and ask questions. I think I have good reason because it follows the pattern of the time I know she cheated on me. I want to ask her but I don’t want to break any lines of new trust that have been built. I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid. She could have done nothing. She is always telling me how proud she is to tell everyone that she is engaged. She is always saying she tells this to every guy. She tells me I don’t need to worry. She always reassures me that nothing is going to happen. I just have that gut feeling that something might have. I need to put my suspicions to rest. But I don’t want to always show jealousy and distrust. We are engaged now and I don’t want to break the trust bond that’s between us because of that

 

Should I pry and ask questions?

 

Should I confront her on this?

[norajane]

Yes, ask her. You need to know the truth.