ImmaBeAlright Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 My ex and I have been back in contact for the last month, sporadically though (he has been initiating it). We want to be friends and would not like to lose the friendship that we initially had. We speak from time to time, we broke up 3 months ago. My ex is not over me and neither am I but circumstances dictated that we part. We were both talking about our individual dating futures and he told me that he cannot stand the thought of me with someone else, and neither can I the other way round, at least not at this point. We both agreed that it probably will be difficult to be friends if we can't be real friends, as in talk about everything. he told me he has no interest or urge to date anyone else, he is in no hurry. I also heard that he talked to someone else about how difficult the whole thing is for him. Apparently, I still have his heart and he loves me, so do I. So we joked alot about stuff yesterday. Bottom line being, lets not date anyone else in the meantime and see what happens. We will be meeting again in a month and a half and he told me he would find it weird if I told him I had been dating or was seeing someone. Not gonna happen. As I said before, am not planning on dating anyone else for a long while. He told me that he has thought of getting back together but is afraid of being hurt again, it was my fault that we broke up. I have issues that I am in the process of sorting out. He told me that the thought of not having me in his life, even as a friend is not pleasant for him. He is hoping to get over his resentments through a genuine friendship, restore the trust he once had in me and then see what happens. Anyway, it goes on and on. Now I am confused, to me, it looks like there is still a chance there and there definately is still something there. I also do not want to get myself back there when I am hoping. I also would like to be his friend even if there was no possibility of getting back together. When I spoke to my friend, she told me that it looks like he, after he gets over some things, wants to work it out. What is going on? What should I be thinking? And please, don't tell me NO CONTACT!
bluechocolate Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I think you two need to $h!t or get off the pot. You don't like the wishy-washy status of your relationship as it is? Then do something about it - either you're together or you're not. And if you're not together then what is this garbage about not dating other people? I would never NOT date someone to spare the feelings of an ex who wants to be a friend and if I was still in contact with said ex then I wouldn't talk about the dates with them either.
Author ImmaBeAlright Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 I think you two need to $h!t or get off the pot. You don't like the wishy-washy status of your relationship as it is? Then do something about it - either you're together or you're not. And if you're not together then what is this garbage about not dating other people? I would never NOT date someone to spare the feelings of an ex who wants to be a friend and if I was still in contact with said ex then I wouldn't talk about the dates with them either. I am not NOT dating other people to spare my Ex's feelings, neither is he. We are not dating other people because we are not ready. Maybe you missed the point where I talked about issues taht led to our breakup and we feel that making a decision to jump back in at this point would be not be a good idea. My question was: Is there any hope should we manage to sort out our issues? Thank you.
bluechocolate Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Maybe you missed the point where I talked about issues that led to our breakup and we feel that making a decision to jump back in at this point would be not be a good idea. No I didn't miss that. I guess what I was saying was that you should both establish, one way or the other, what is happening in your relationship. My question was: Is there any hope should we manage to sort out our issues? It certainly sounds that way. I just don't think you're necessarily going to get there with your relationship in some kind of limbo. At least that wouldn't work for me. Either we're together, in which case we work on our problems as a couple, or we're apart. And if we're apart (even for a short period), then I wouldn't be having conversations about feeling ready to date other people & I would be staying away from any pretense of a platonic "friendship" while emotions were still running high.
Author ImmaBeAlright Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 Maybe you missed the point where I talked about issues that led to our breakup and we feel that making a decision to jump back in at this point would be not be a good idea. No I didn't miss that. I guess what I was saying was that you should both establish, one way or the other, what is happening in your relationship. My question was: Is there any hope should we manage to sort out our issues? It certainly sounds that way. I just don't think you're necessarily going to get there with your relationship in some kind of limbo. At least that wouldn't work for me. Either we're together, in which case we work on our problems as a couple, or we're apart. And if we're apart (even for a short period), then I wouldn't be having conversations about feeling ready to date other people & I would be staying away from any pretense of a platonic "friendship" while emotions were still running high. I hear you and I agree. I will think about it. Thanks.
AriaIncognito Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 It sounds to me like you both still have feelings for/love each other, so my question would be, why couldn't you be in a relationship with each other while trying to fix the issues you both are aware of? What is stopping that from occurring? It seems to me like you are both stringing yourselves along with the "i wont date anyone else" stuff. I realize you're not ready, I wouldn't be ready either, but if you're not in a committed relationship, then either way you are both FREE to do whatever you like, and well if he were to one day tell you he met someone, you'd be crushed. I'm not sure if that's what you want to happen in this scenario. Personally, I'd give serious consideration to returning to the relationship and working on whatever issues you felt you had, together. If the relationship is meant to be or strong, it'll survive it. Good luck, Jennifer
Author ImmaBeAlright Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 It sounds to me like you both still have feelings for/love each other, so my question would be, why couldn't you be in a relationship with each other while trying to fix the issues you both are aware of? What is stopping that from occurring? The issues are the kind that only the individual with the issues can sort out by him/herself because doing so as a couple contaminates the relationship. We tried sorting out the issues together but it didn't work which led to the breaking point in the relationship. It seems to me like you are both stringing yourselves along with the "i wont date anyone else" stuff. I realize you're not ready, I wouldn't be ready either, but if you're not in a committed relationship, then either way you are both FREE to do whatever you like, Yes, indeed we are free to do whatever we want. But, from when we talked from time to time, I felt that there was a need, from his side, to mention the fact that he wasn't looking to date anyone else. And I have told him that neither was I, as I am not in 'new relationship' mode. and well if he were to one day tell you he met someone, you'd be crushed. I'm not sure if that's what you want to happen in this scenario. Absolutely not but you must consider another thing. I love him, but I am not stupid. I am not going to hold off for months or even years waiting for him to come around. What I don't want is to go: bugger him! and forget about it when there is actually a chance. I have set myself a time frame, you will hear in the next paragraph. Personally, I'd give serious consideration to returning to the relationship and working on whatever issues you felt you had, together. If the relationship is meant to be or strong, it'll survive it. I mentioned that he will be here in a month and a half. He called me earlier to confirm the dates and asked if it was possible for me to spare a weekend and go with him to a place over here that he has been dying to see. A place, btw, that we were to go together pre-breakup. He mentioned that it would be strange being there without me as I know the place very well (huh?). He was all reassuring and said I can think about it and confirm closer to the time. So I said I will think about it. Of course, I am soooooooo going . So, I think that when he is here, it will be the right time to see if we can work it out, a time to reconnect if possible. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be, I will just chuck the hope and close the lid on the chapter. But at least I will then know for sure. Good luck, Thank you
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