Guest Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I like this guy who is younger than me age wise but he is very mature for his age. I am in a relationship with another guy, but it's not exclusive. Anyway, this younger guy is very sweet (he jokes alot with me and we have inside jokes between us that we laugh about privately between us), we get together once a week to "hang out" but it's always in a group of friends. I have to call him to talk to him, but when we talk it's always for at least an hour. I try to create (platonic) things that we can do together, and he says yes and goes with me. But never invites me anywhere. But when we arfe together we have great time and talk for hours. He did take me to lunch once. (we've been knowing each other for about 6 months) He has said how happy is is to have met me. I seem to interest him but I am tired of doing the chasing. I would tell him how I feel, but I value or current friendship and would be devestated if it ended. I am unsure if it's his age, his interest level in me, his personality, or he is confused about my other relationship. What do I do from here?
Cheshire Cat Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Is he aware that your relationship is not exclusive? I would tell him how I feel, but I value or current friendship and would be devestated if it ended. My advice would be: Tell him how you feel. Add that it took you a while to decide whether to let him know about your feelings, since you value your current friendship and you would be devestated if it ended, but you felt that being honest with him about it was the right thing to do.
superconductor Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I try to create (platonic) things that we can do together, and he says yes and goes with me. But never invites me anywhere. He's assumed, and you've confirmed the assumption, that you've put him in the friend zone. Since there is rarely any escape from that quagmire, he's withdrawn.
Guest Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Is he aware that your relationship is not exclusive? I'm concerned if I just come out and tell him that out of the blue, he'll be able to read b/w the lines and if he doesn't feel the same he'll freak. and superconductor, I didn't think I was sending out the "we're just friends" vibe, even if we are friends now, why can't it progress. What am I doing wrong?
Flicker Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I definately agree with Cheshire. It seems to me that he is interested in you but hasn't made a move because he doesn't know if you feel the same. Tell him how you feel. Don't put any pressure on though.
kleeka Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 if your'e more than just a few years older, then he's looking to follow your cues. he sounds very interested in you but if he knows you have a bf he is definitely trying to gauge your interest in him as you continue with the bf. if he's so mature, give him a chance to offer you some insight. have an open, honest discussion with him about how you're not sure what direction to go with your casual bf (ie: not fulfilling you enough, etc..) and see how he responds, ask him what he would do. I'm in a similar sit. the past month i've really been enjoying the company of this younger guy - during the workweek, we've been out to dinner and lunch and share lots of common ground and we find each other interesting. we've also gone quite beyond just shallow conversation as we've both talked about pain and loss in our lives. he's very good at reading me and my moods and will often ask if I'm ok or if everything's good. i always say hi to him at work, we chat some and I always make sure to give him my best smile etc. and vice versa. we talk at work or when we've gone out to eat, but we don't talk on the phone. we have text messaged quite a bit and it is here that he has shown his very caring side. or does it seem that way because I'm reading his words instead of just hearing them? in addition, he's voiced how he wishes his older brothers would start having kids already and how he wants to go visit a cousin who has a young child that he wants to go see before the kid gets too big. so I take all this as his wanting to have children some day. he's also voiced how responsible he is for his age and how he had to look after his father and help him big time around the house while his mother was ill. despite all that, I'm not sure how he views me - platonically as like a sister, or possibly romantically but yet trying to be supercareful. but like you I 've gotten tired of taking the lead and now come to the conclusion he just wants to keep it platonic because he seems to rebuff any efforts to do things on the weekends. he may just have a casual gf he sees on the weekends - I don't know but he's never mentioned anyone nor have I. I think about him a lot on my own time but keep wondering if it I'm just headed for disappointment because he doesn't see me as romantic potential. I'd like to ask him point blank but to clear the air but not sure how. like you, i highly value my relationship with this guy.
Guest Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Another thing that has me stumped is he has a different personality than what I am used to he isn't touchy feely, I've tried to talk with him about family and "deeper" stuff and he talks some but never gets deep. He definitly knows what he likes in certain things (music, fun, work) But as far as personal life he seems all mixed up. He has stated that he doesn't want children, but he is younger so I am not sure if that will change. I just want to enjoy his company, but he almost seems either really shy in relationships or I am a little to forward. He is moving into his own place he's been remodeling, so I am not sure if I should wait for an invite or what? I've been there once and have offerered to help him several times but he passed. What is my next move? I am trying to be subtle but I am a little to aggressive for that.
kleeka Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 well then whatever way you proceed, keep things at a comfortable pace for him despite the fact you want to move things faster along. don't smother him with too many calls, emails, txts, etc. be sure there's enough breathing space so he doesn't get like spooked at the first signs of any pressure that he's not ready for. the other day, a family friend advised me that younger guys tend to be way more cautions about how they approach an older woman because if theyr'e truly interested in her they will want to look "cool" and "mature" to her and not reveal how inexperienced at life they really are. whereas when they deal with younger women the guys appear more in scale/in line and exp'd in life as these girls and, therefore seemingly have an easier time showing them their intent. also they gauge you by how you respond to the little pieces of their life they slowly reveal to you. you may think "well so what - no big deal" in response to something he may tell you. but to them, giving them time, your patience and reassurance about things will "break them in more", so to speak, so they can reach a higher comfort and trust level with you. then again, if there' s no romantic chem there, then it's possible he sees you as like just a big sis kind of thing (bummer sit, I know). btw: what's your age diff anyway?
Guest Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 btw: what's your age diff anyway? I'm 27 and he's 22. But again a very mature 22. You would never guess he was that age if you met him and all his friends are older.
Recommended Posts