bfootdude Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Hey guys, i was surfing the net for some help on this topic and i found this place. I read a few threads and it looks like a cool community to get some help! Anyway, what i'm really here for is to find some answers to a problem i'm dealing with. First off i am a male just so you know. Basically i feel as if my sweetheart doesn't really appreciate all i do for her. I live every day for her and take every chance i can to be sweet to her. For example, while she is working i bring her flowers to the grocery store just to let her know i care and love her even when i cant be with her. I leave notes on her car with words of love and such. I also draw sweet pictures for her and leave them around. Here is one thing that really hurt me. Tonight, she told me that she didnt really like having the flowers given to her. She said it was embarassing. Another thing, i got her food for her and carried it to the table for her just so she wouldnt have to go into the buffet with tons of people. Instead of a thank you sweety for getting this, i got a you forgot ranch dressing. Then i get back and i dont recieve a thank you. It's a bunch of little things like that. It really starts to hurt inside after a while. I dont really remember any times i found things on my car or have something brought to me... I know this seems selfish but i feel like i should get something in return. Don't get me wrong, i do all of this to show love (not trying to get anything back). But after such a long time, the tension built up inside and i feel like she takes me for granite. Should I back off a bit and see if she realizes that i dont have to be the sweet man i am? Any help is awsome. Thank you so much!
Sally00 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 How long have you 2 been together? It sounds like a long time? Because it seems like she's acting like she's so used to this, that she doesn't have to say thank you anymore or something. I've been with my bf for a while and I still say thank you when he opens doors for me. Everything you do sounds really sweet. I would find that very thoughtful if I were her. Maybe you should stop doing those things... and then once you stop, she would realize how much she missed it. You don't know what you miss until it's gone...
Tony T Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 You're being way to nice to this lady. Besides, she's a real bxtch for not at least being kind enough to acknowledge your goodness without making you feel bad. There are a LOT of people like this in the world and you will never win with them. STOP doing things for her. Let her earn her keep. How often does she do nice things for you? You're spoiling her and now she's to the point that when you do nice things for her she wants them a certain way, at a certain time and on her terms. Screw that! If you can back off and repair this, fine. Otherwise, when you start another relationship with someone who's not such a loser, don't be so kind...especially at first. And make sure the relationship is even, 50/50. It sounds like you are doing all the giving here and she's basically a taker. Take my word...you will never, ever win in this relationship. What exactly are you getting out of it??? Or perhaps your self esteem is so low that you feel you must keep giving in order to keep her around....well, she's NOT worth it. If you stay around her with her continuing to behave like a rude, rotten spoiled piece of crap you will grow resentful and angry and one day you'll blow up in her face. But it'll be all your fault because you are the one spoiling her and YOU are the one remaining in her presence. I wouldn't even have a talk with her...just let her get her own food and other stuff from now on...just say NO...let her know she's going to have to hold up her end. If she leaves, you're lucky as hell.
Author bfootdude Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 Thanks a bunch both of you. I will definatly take this advice and use it to my advantage. I'll try and see what happens. I will post back with what happens in a few days or weeks. We'll see. Once again thank you! also we have been together for a while, 2 yrs actually just so you know. It wasnt always like this. just recently.
Sally00 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Thanks a bunch both of you. I will definatly take this advice and use it to my advantage. I'll try and see what happens. I will post back with what happens in a few days or weeks. We'll see. Once again thank you! also we have been together for a while, 2 yrs actually just so you know. It wasnt always like this. just recently. You're quite welcome. Glad to help. Things happen. Rough patches are bound to come. Let us know what happens with ya.
alphamale Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 try being less nice and less attentive...as in a LOT less. That should do the trick
Tony T Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Thanks a bunch both of you. I will definatly take this advice and use it to my advantage. I'll try and see what happens. I will post back with what happens in a few days or weeks. We'll see. Once again thank you! also we have been together for a while, 2 yrs actually just so you know. It wasnt always like this. just recently. WRONG! She was always like this...you just didn't notice. She probably tried like hell to keep herself in check for as long as she could. She well know if she showed you what a self-centered, selfish narcissist she was you wouldn't stick around. Now that she feels comfortable that she's got you sucked in, she is being herself. However, you may have created this prematurely by catering to her every whim. Wrong move in any case!
Tony T Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 try being less nice and less attentive...as in a LOT less. That should do the trick YEP, that WILL do the trick. That's what I've been trying to tell him. I've com across more than a few like this in the past.
dgiirl Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Hmmm, I kinda disagree with the advice given. It does sound like she's taking you for granted, and I would probably stop doing things too, because you will only start to build resentment if you're doing all these nice things and not feeling appreciated. But if you stop doing things for her, and then she stops doing things for you, you both start to pull away from each other, and that's not good for a relationship. I think your best option is to actually talk to her about the problem. Confront it head on. You'll both either learn to communicate properly and grow closer together, or you'll break up. But I dont see how pulling away without talking about things is any better.
rina_r Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 How long have you 2 been together? It sounds like a long time? Because it seems like she's acting like she's so used to this, that she doesn't have to say thank you anymore or something. It does not matter how long. If it has been so long, she should be used to saying thank you!
CrushedOrgans Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 i don't think it's all her fault. i would get annoyed with someone if they were up my a$$ like that all the time, no matter how "sweet" is was meant to be. it is difficult to appreciate something that is constantly shoved in your face. not to mention she is already acting a bit irritated, so you are doing something she doesn't like. back off a little, it will be good for both of you.
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