fooled Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 It's been almost 9 months since the breakup. 5 months of NC. I've been seeing someone else for 3 months. For the past few days, though - I've been thinking about my ex. I had a whole night of dreams about her once. I was invited to a party - and the host (a mutual friend) thankfully alerted me that she would be there. I declined. But that whole wave of emotions came back. Maybe it's because it was about this time last year that I began to suspect her cheating. Or because the Halloween season was so important to both of us. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety. It feels as though I have lost my center. I'm afraid that if I see her, I might get roped in again.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Are you not hitting it off with the new GF ?
Touche Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Believe me, if your new g/f were right for you, you wouldn't be thinking like this at all. This is only because, in my opinion, things are not quite right with your new lady. My advice? Forget the ex and keep dating until you find someone who WILL pretty much wipe out any old memories of the ex.
Jane Doe Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 You've identified you're still vulnerable and that's a good thing. What you need to do is to stay as far away from her as possible. Do not contact her!!! I don't know the history but from what you've said, she cheated on you. Don't set yourself up for another heartbreak. It won't be any better the second time around. She'll just know you're a sucker for her and she can walk on you like a doormat.
riobikini Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Fooled, when someone takes a huge piece of you, it takes awhile to grow it back. I think it was not so much your heart that she took. It was your trust. -Rio
Ariadne Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Hey fooled, Nice to see you again and glad to hear that you are dating. That a start. And I see that you are still the same fooled (still afraid of her). I'm doing ok I guess among all, hugs, Ariadne
Author fooled Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 Things aren't great with the new g/f. They were for a while and I don't think about the ex often. There still are lingering effects there - walls the new g/f finds frustrating.
Touche Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Things aren't great with the new g/f. They were for a while and I don't think about the ex often. There still are lingering effects there - walls the new g/f finds frustrating. That's what I suspected. Are things not great with the g/f because of the walls or because of something else? But regardless of the answer, you should work on getting rid of those walls. They will hurt you in the end. Love is always a gamble so why stack the odds against you by putting up additional barriers. I've always been the type of person who when I fell off the horse I jumped right back up again. And for me that really paid off. I finally found love. I can only wish the same for you. But it won't happen if you're not completely open to it.
Art_Critic Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 There still are lingering effects there - walls the new g/f finds frustrating. Sometimes it is a new girl that can bring the walls down.. sometimes it just has to be time.. I know where you are coming from.. when your heart gets hurt sometimes you just don't want to ever feel that type of hurt again, but remember that your new GF is an innocent to your hurt.. I sometimes have felt that my heart was nothing more than a beating lump of scar tissue that would never heal.. It does though.. and I have always had to force myself into the healing to remove the scar tissue.. Chin up..it does get better
alphamale Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 .. when your heart gets hurt sometimes you just don't want to ever feel that type of hurt again, its much better to be the hurter than the hurtee...I've learned this thru much trial and error. its a defense mechanism i guess.
Art_Critic Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 its much better to be the hurter than the hurtee...I've learned this thru much trial and error. its a defense mechanism i guess. I've been known to do a pre-emptive dump before.. just to kick off the healing.. it always sets me back when I do that though instead of helping.
Author fooled Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 I wonder if I am sabotaging the relationship really. When she says she loves me, I think "the ex said that too - and still cheated." I do wonder if the new girl is cheating. There has been some similar behavior and red flags. I just don't know if I am trying too hard to find them and therefore are. I don't know what's real and what's not.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Relationships are too damn complicated, it's hard to tell what's real and what's not.
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