blueman Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 so i am 21 and i work full time and got to school full time. My hours monday through friday are work from 8 to 3 then school from 6 to 10. My parents are saying that i dont spend enough time withthe family, i dont help out enought around the house and are just fed up with me treating the house like a "hotel". My mom has been threatening to kick me out for the last year and a half but when i finally set myself up fianancially for it 6 months ago they wouldnt cosign on my application and got mad at me for trying to move out. Now they are saying they want me out for real and i dont have the money or the time to do this. Im basically getting shoved out the door by my family. I try very hard to do what i need to do and i dont see how me paying for my car, insurance, HEALTH CARE and everything down to food can be considered wrong., The only thing i dont pay is rent and now i just dont know what to do and im scared ****less. my parents are going to discuss things with me tonight and i dont know what to say or do? if they kick me out should i sever ties with them forever? what kind of parenst throw a son out with no help??? BTW my family has tons of money two houses and nice cars so cash isnt an issue with them. someone please guide me as i am scared pretty bad
CrushedOrgans Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 so i am 21 and i work full time and got to school full time. My hours monday through friday are work from 8 to 3 then school from 6 to 10. My parents are saying that i dont spend enough time withthe family, i dont help out enought around the house and are just fed up with me treating the house like a "hotel". My mom has been threatening to kick me out for the last year and a half but when i finally set myself up fianancially for it 6 months ago they wouldnt cosign on my application and got mad at me for trying to move out. Now they are saying they want me out for real and i dont have the money or the time to do this. Im basically getting shoved out the door by my family. I try very hard to do what i need to do and i dont see how me paying for my car, insurance, HEALTH CARE and everything down to food can be considered wrong., The only thing i dont pay is rent and now i just dont know what to do and im scared ****less. my parents are going to discuss things with me tonight and i dont know what to say or do? if they kick me out should i sever ties with them forever? what kind of parenst throw a son out with no help??? BTW my family has tons of money two houses and nice cars so cash isnt an issue with them. someone please guide me as i am scared pretty bad it sounds like they just want you to grow up. it actually doesn't matter how much money they have. it's theirs. you're 21. move on.
Guest Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 i have not been always take care off jack ass!!!!!! paying for everyhting short of rent is not exactly take care of!!!! i live in ****ing marin county which is like the most expensive county in the state of california!!!!!!! i have a full time job paying $17 am hour. car payment of 350 and insurance of 250 plus health coverages !!!!!! now i have been doing this since i was 17 and i personally dont consider that being taken care of. i refuse to sacrifice my education so that i can move out on my own. i plan on having a decent succesful life and that doesnt involve working at the burger king down the street at 40!!!!!! So in conclusion my main question was regarding how to discuss and try to compromise with my rents not to hear some jack ass tell me im soft and to grow up and move on!!!!!! that is not an option and if you read my original post you would see that i set myself up financially 6 monthsago to move out but then my rents went ape**** onme and told me to not move and stop being rediculous!!!!!!
norajane Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Why don't you sit down and create another financial plan that will allow you to move out in X amount of months, and lay it out for your parents when you talk with them. Show them how much you need, how you expect to earn it, what your costs and expenses are. If they want you to move out sooner, tell them what you'll need from them in order to be able to do so - that co-sign on a lease or whatever. If they see you have a plan and see what it takes, they might be willing to give you the time you need to get it together. Yes, Marin is pricey. You could move to a shared apartment in Oakland and spend a lot less. Or move to SF and share an apartment, or get a room in someone's house. One of my friends just moved into a studio for $800 in the Sunset, and another was renting a room in a house for $500 per month in the Miraloma Park/West Portal area. He even had a great view.
justagirliegirl Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 What your Mom means by treating their home like a hotel, means you don't clean up after yourself or help with chores around the house. Plus you are well into adulthood and your parents probably want their home and life back without kids living with them. The finding roommates is a good idea.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 i have not been always take care off jack ass!!!!!! paying for everyhting short of rent is not exactly take care of!!!! i live in ****ing marin county which is like the most expensive county in the state of california!!!!!!! i have a full time job paying $17 am hour. car payment of 350 and insurance of 250 plus health coverages !!!!!! now i have been doing this since i was 17 and i personally dont consider that being taken care of. i refuse to sacrifice my education so that i can move out on my own. i plan on having a decent succesful life and that doesnt involve working at the burger king down the street at 40!!!!!! So in conclusion my main question was regarding how to discuss and try to compromise with my rents not to hear some jack ass tell me im soft and to grow up and move on!!!!!! that is not an option and if you read my original post you would see that i set myself up financially 6 monthsago to move out but then my rents went ape**** onme and told me to not move and stop being rediculous!!!!!! i can see why they want you out. good luck.
Ross_K Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Crushed Organs, your 'move on' comment in your last post didn't seem very helpful and was unsympathetic. The guy could be getting chucked out onto the street and he just wants to know what to do. Blueman, ask them if they'll give you enough time to find a place to rent. Hope that helps.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Crushed Organs, your 'move on' comment in your last post didn't seem very helpful and was unsympathetic. The guy could be getting chucked out onto the street and he just wants to know what to do. mmmkay. thanks for the tip. it was unsympathetic...i guess i don't have sympathy for an adult who is being asked to be an adult. if he were a 15-year-old kid, it would be callled "being thrown out into the street." he says he refuses to be a 40 y/o working at burger king. that's a good attitude. but guess what? those people probably aren't living out their first choice, dream lives. it's part of being an adult. you do what you can and make the best of it. some of them probably never had it easy, even when they were younger. so unsympathetic, yes, absolutely. but i did mean to help him by saying this is just how things are and it's best to calm down and deal with it, since there are no other options but to deal with it. so there ya go.
Ross_K Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 They may not be giving him time to get his own place, they might be close to just suddenly kicking him out on the street and that's why he's scared. Btw, your posts smack of you having low self esteem, what makes it apparent is your obnoxious superiority complex with talking down to people undeservedly.
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Blueman, you've got it easy and IMO don't have much to complain about. I was kicked out at 18, somehow I was supposed to work full time and go to University full time, all at the same time as I was supporting myself and paying full tuition and expenses because my parents owned too much real property for me to qualify for financial aid, and on top of that, they refused to stop using me as a deduction on their taxes, which left me doubly screwed as I didn't even qualify for student loans. When the pressure got to be too much, I ended up quitting University, my parent's response when I wanted to come home "join the military" I hesitate to take sides, but I agree with CO. You are 21 get over it and move on, if you are old enough to buy alcohol with the understanding that you are responsible for your action, inebriated or not, you are old enough to find a roommate and support yourself. Don't take this the wrong way (I'm not sure that there is a right way) but you seem to sound like a lot of 'spoiled little rich kids' that I know, with the boo hoo, my parents have so much money and they won't share waaaaaaa, and your defensive and insulting post immediately following CO's response doesn't do anything to help that image.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 They may not be giving him time to get his own place, they might be close to just suddenly kicking him out on the street and that's why he's scared. Btw, your posts smack of you having low self esteem, what makes it apparent is your obnoxious superiority complex with talking down to people undeservedly. that may be true. and that sucks, if that's the case. but it happens. since you obviously don't know a thing about me, as for the last part of it, that's your opinion. telling someone the truth is not talking to down to them. maybe you're both afraid to grow up. and this is all coming from a 'spoiled little rich kid.' it doesn't mean i can't be realistic.
Guest Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 look on Craigslist if they have that website down there (or backpage is another website)... there are usually good priced apartments/rooms/etc listed. You are also in school so look into getting a student loan to makeup for the added expenses... Just know that you are not alone. I am 20 playing rent in a big city (600 for my half), my car payment, insurance, cell phone, utilities, and school... I work 2 part time jobs and I have student loan, granted I will have to pay it back it is worth the peace of mind having extra cash now.
HeyYouGuys Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Blueman, look for a roommate who can share a space with you. I think moving out would be a good idea. Sounds like your parents are a bit unpredictable. There's no reason to sacrifice your education. Some people take a year off from school, work full time, save some money and then go back to school part-time and continue to work full time. There's no reason for you to end up working at Burger King when you're 40. You may take a little longer to graduate, but you WILL graduate if you're determined to. You are lucky to still have your parents' house to call home. I have friends who were basically told 'buh-bye' on their 18th birthdays.
Ross_K Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 that may be true. and that sucks, if that's the case. but it happens. since you obviously don't know a thing about me, as for the last part of it, that's your opinion. telling someone the truth is not talking to down to them. maybe you're both afraid to grow up. and this is all coming from a 'spoiled little rich kid.' it doesn't mean i can't be realistic. What's not knowing a thing about you got to do with anything? I came to my conclusion because of your posts. That's right, telling someone the truth isn't talking down to them and I never said it was, but, you were talking down to him and myself. What has growing up got to do with anything?
CaterpillarGirl Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I lived with my parents at 21, but I was also paying half their rent in exchange. Also, you might want to pitch in around the house, especially if you aren't paying rent. It's good business. If they are adamant about you moving out, make plans now. I understand you have a lot of financial obligations and don't want to add another one, but don't freak out. If worse comes to worse, dump the car and stick with public transportation. That's pretty much what I did (in L.A. which has nothing like BART). Bottom line with your parents - actions speak louder than words, if you make any concessions in your talk, follow up.
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