kayla55 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Need some insight...I am engaged to a man I have been with for 8 years. He workis with all women. One night he invited 2 of them to our home after I said I didn't want them to come. So he went over what I said and still invited her and the other girl, one of them left early so this girl that I think likes him stayed till 3am drinking with us. She is 22 and likes to drink which is something he likes to do as well. So that night we hung out, and they seemed to get along pretty well, to the point that it bothered me, she even took a picture of him with her cell phone. Now my Fiance is 28, works alone with this girl every weekend...hmmmm...So today he asked me if I wanted to go to a bar with him and her and whoever else. Now he totally knows I am uncomfortable with her, since they seem to get along so well. I told him no I didn't want to go. I must add that we have talked about this and he has stated he is not interested in her, but how can I not think so. Trying to get him to go out with me is like pulling teeth but the minute she asks him he wants to go???? I feel like he is interested but is scared to say anything. He also said she is not interested in a relationship anyway, now how would he know that and why would he say that. He cheated on me 3 years ago and we broke up we did get back together and ended up getting engaged, just when I tried to move past that it seems so familiar like it will happened again..Any advice?
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Listen to your gut, if something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. He cheated on me 3 years ago and we broke up we did get back together and ended up getting engaged, just when I tried to move past that it seems so familiar like it will happened again.. There's a chance he'll cheat on you again, and honestly, his behaviour is showing you something, and it's not respect, not compromising and not trustworthy. He sounds very immature and doesn't sound ready for the committment of marriage and all that it brings. My worry for you is, he will mess around with this girl or any other girl because he CAN! Even if this girl isn't interested in him for a relationship, that doesn't mean she isn't interested in some fun and sex. I don't wanna freak you out, but the fact is, he would rather hang out and have fun with other girls than be out with you, or spend time alone with you. He is acting selfish and you need to talk to him. Put your FOOT DOWN too! Imagine your life in 10 years, with afew children and he's still pulling this crap on you. It's possible because his behaviour isn't changing. He cheated on you once (did you two go to couples therapy?) so there goes your complete trust/faith him to begin with. What are the good things about him? IS he really worth it? Can you two work it out, enough to make a good go of things before getting married? If not, end it now because you're wasting your time.
SixthSt.Girl Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I think you should ditch this guy. I know you've had a long relationship that you've invested a lot of time and energy in, but it has to be a two-way street. I don't want to be judgemental, and I know this may come across that way, but I don't understand why on earth women stay with men who've cheated on them, especially when there aren't children involved. You broke up with him after the cheating - it sounds like you shouldn't have come back for more. I know that cheaters are weak, but I also think those that stay with cheaters are just as weak, if not moreso. Just because he hasn't told you he wants to be with this girl, and hasn't left, doesn't mean that he won't do it. Just because you got back together before and got through the cheating doesn't mean it will happen a second time. And do you really want to go through it a second time?? It sounds like despite the girl, he is not eager to share his interests and his spare time with you. He may be staying in the relationship because it's comfortable to him - this is, I think, why people often stay in bad marriages, but do you want a marriage with someone like that? I couldn't and wouldn't stay with a man who cheated on me, especially when he's shown signs that it may happen again. Not for love, not for money. I guess I've been on my own enough to know that I don't need commitment - many men just can't handle it for whatever reason, and have no business marrying in the first place. I would proceed with caution, if you decide you want to stay. His "She is not interested in a relationship anyway," comment really says it all. Lol, that's kinda letting the cat out of the bag. Good luck!
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