Mylazycat Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Hey, late 30's male, and I've been single for a couple of years, after a 13 year relationship, and I've written and re-written a few online dating profiles. Now, there is something I've long struggled with in regards to my online dating profile and it has nothing to do with revealing my love of The Simpsons. It is the fact that I wear two hearing aids and have since I was 11 years old. I also have a slight curve to my back, also since I was around 11 years old. Since I first decided to try online dating I have fought with the notion of saying those things in my profile or not. I am not Brad Pitt to begin with and in the concept of "online shopping for cute guys", that doesn't help. On one hand, I don't want to have the person find out for the first time when they met me for coffee. In that situation, it could easily become a "Why didn't you tell me?" thing. I fall into the heading of the Internet dating guy who wasn't who he made himself out to be in his profile, who kept important imformation from their date. I would kind of like the person to know before they meet me, to both not surprise them and to weed out the shallow people prior to investing in them what it took to get to the coffee date point. On the other hand, this is personal imformation and I'm not sure how to word it in a profile that, usually, is dispalying my witty personality. Also, I fear this may even more scare off people and give them one more reason not to get to know me. Even with the non shallow, people are comfortable with only certain things. If I leave it out of my profile, and tell them later, I'm not sure how to bring it up in conversation or e-mail/messages later. "Oh, by the way..." I did that once, with a lady in another town I'd been e-mailing and chatting with for a couple months. Her reaction was, "So? It doesn't bother me but it does bother me that you thought I might be so shallow as to base my decisions on that." I never heard from her after that conversation. This is a sensitive issue with me. Yes, I was in a long term relationship up until 2 years ago and that gorgeous woman had no problem with any of this but it is still something that was used to pick on me in school and I have always felt it was the first thing people notice and judge me on when they meet me. So, what do you guys think? Should I mention it in my profile or just let them find out if they meet me? Tell them awhile after they've responded and gotten to know me? If I do mention it in my profile how do I word it? Thanks.
melodymatters Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 My advice ? The profile is the "sales pitch". You don't lie, but you don't mention the downsides of you/the house/the car, you talk about the GOOD things ! Everybody has negatives, but in the small, shallow space of a profile, thats not the time or place to mention them. I would wait until the e-mail friendship gets to the phone call stage. I did meet an online date who had the exact same issue. It didn't bother me that it wasn't in his profile, and the fact that we didn't "click" had nothing to do with the hearing aids. Hope this helps !
alphamale Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 So, what do you guys think? I think you should give up online dating all together. Its' a total waste of time and money for most people. Try joining a singles group or some other activities were singles hang out.
Author Mylazycat Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 I think you should give up online dating all together. Its' a total waste of time and money for most people. Try joining a singles group or some other activities were singles hang out. I see your point, but I work 5:00 pm to 1:30 am and do not have weekends off. Not into the bar scene and just approaching people out of the blue.
littlepiggy1 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I don't think online dating is a waste of time. I've met a couple people from it (one of which resulted in a 2 year relationship). And I know people that have met their fiances from it as well. So you never know. Depends on the service though. As far as your profile goes, one of the basic rules are nothing negative. You don't want to oversell yourself, but you don't want to include anything that could put people off. Exceptions to this include things like age restrictions, smoking/non-smoking, etc.
Touche Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Post pictures that show you at your best but at the same time don't hide your "flaws." Let your prospective dates decide if they find you attractive or not.
dgiirl Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Hey MyLazyCat, I agree with everyone else. Dont put all your baggage or "negative" traits into your public profile. Some information is ok to keep private until people get to know you just a little. For instance, I'm currently separated from my stbxh of 1.5 years. I do not mention in my profile that I'm divorced or separated. However, after a few exchanges via email, I usually mention it. I dont feel like saying the same story over and over again, and if I see it as an issue, then others will too. If I mention my exh, then "I'm not over him". If i dont mention him, then "I withheld the truth". You are damned if you do, and damned if you dont. I try to bring the topic up casually once, but I dont obsess over it. I would say after the 3rd or 4th email exchange, you could slip it in. I've communicated with several people where it didnt even get past the 4th exchange due to mismatched personalities, why tell them my whole life story?
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I don't know what online site your on but you might want to google online dating for the disabled. I did and hit a couple of the dating sites for the disabled and found that those sites have people of all types of disabilities and most likely won't judge you for it.
alphamale Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I see your point, but I work 5:00 pm to 1:30 am and do not have weekends off. then get a job with more normal hours...
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