gavin06 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Hi, I need help with my almost 7 years relationship with my girlfriend... We are now separated for 3 weeks and its killing me. It started out that I am a very angry person, i will start quarrels every other day about every little thing. We spend almost every day together, its like we only have ourselves in our little world.. THings got worst... the last talk we have is that, my girlfriend told me that she do not love me as much, her heart is numb towards me... she has no feeling for me... Now she wants to have her own space, doing her own things, and maybe think whether we should be together. she said that she do not know how long will this separation take and if anyone were to pass me by, i can go ahead and be with that person. She has not called me for 3weeks, but only me doing the calling... there is not much a conversation. She wants me to leave her alone, but it hurts me. We always combine our salary but now she want to separate the income, what does this means? We just talk recently and i said i love her, but her returned remark is, "you dont have to say you love me, just let me do the things i want to do" I'm really at wit-end, i'm dying to restore this relationship with her. I need help! what should I do or not do? When will this separation end. What can i do to get her back.
Merin Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 When a person tells you they don't really love you, they want thier own space and that it is thier feelings that you should move on with someone else, it means the relationship is over. 7 years is awhile I understand... and I know this must be very painful for you... at this point however the best thing I can say to you is when your Girl is telling you she wants to move on and do her own thing without you, is to believe her and start working on you. I'm sorry:(
PWSX3 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Hi, I need help with my almost 7 years relationship with my girlfriend... We are now separated for 3 weeks and its killing me. It started out that I am a very angry person, i will start quarrels every other day about every little thing. We spend almost every day together, its like we only have ourselves in our little world.. THings got worst... the last talk we have is that, my girlfriend told me that she do not love me as much, her heart is numb towards me... she has no feeling for me... Now she wants to have her own space, doing her own things, and maybe think whether we should be together. she said that she do not know how long will this separation take and if anyone were to pass me by, i can go ahead and be with that person. I am also going thru a separation and at the time I was doing everything I could to keep her from moving out and you know what that did? It just made her hate me even more and I feel everything I told her just went in one ear and out the other. Right now there is "NOTHING" you can say or do to support your efforts. The best thing is to give her the space she is asking for and don't call it won't help. We always combine our salary but now she want to separate the income, what does this means? It means she doesn't want anything to do with you at this time, this is her wanting to be on her own and that includes the money. We just talk recently and i said i love her, but her returned remark is, "you dont have to say you love me, just let me do the things i want to do" I'm really at wit-end, i'm dying to restore this relationship with her. I need help! what should I do or not do? When will this separation end. What can i do to get her back. Like I said before there is nothing you can do right now, you can't make someone love you I am learning that. Just give her the space she needs. Hopefully someone else will chime in because I don't know when you should or when a good time is to finally talk to her or if you need to wait until she contacts you. Like Merin said it could be over it's hard to tell because you haven't said why this all came about. This is also things I have learned from the board and that is to keep yourself busy it does help. The only thing you can do is figure out why you like to argue and why you get angry, work on that and then see if your girlfriend will see the changes and maybe then you can start looking at your relationship again. Whatever happens don't expect it to get better in a few days, I am realizing that this takes a long time.
Gunny376 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 As they use to say in Las Vegas, "Elvis has left the building" You've got too much water over the damn and under the bridge, and the best thing and really the only thing that you can do is just walk away, and be determined to learn and grow from the experience. Whatever you do, don't go out and get back into another relationship. You've got a lot of learning to do, and a lot of growing to do. For starters you've got to learn self discipline and control over your emotions, if you're not in control of your emotions ~ they're in control of you, which as it would so be happen is the case at present. That's why you're going crazy over this. There's not any magic fix to this ~ the fix was from day one the two of you got together ~ thing is you screwed to pooch from the git go! Don't feel bad! So did I! Most of us don't have 1/10th of the knoweledge and experience to know how to pull it off and to make it work. Welcome to the club! Its not exclusive at all. If you've got any chance with her at all it lies in calming down, and chilling the **** out. Almost becoming "in-different" to her and the entire situation, and coming across like Mr. Joe Cool on campus. Have you seen the commercial with the guy that wears the "T" shirt that says "Propane" who's cool, calm and collective, and seems to have it all together, and under control? And, then there's the guy that wears the "T" that says electric, who's all panicy, whinning, and needy. That's the way your acting and coming across right now. Mr. "Electric" Guess who she's going to go with? Its not you Mr Electric ~ you're out of gas! She's going to go with the guy that's got the gas. And, that's not you. If the way that you come across this borad is 1/10th of the way you're with he in real life ~ you're done. Game over! As hard as this is, and as hard as its going to get, it could be worse. PX2X was married for a lot of years, and has made a large investment of time, effort, energy, money, with his wife, and even has children with her. As did and does ILMW, and others.
Jane Doe Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 It started out that I am a very angry person, i will start quarrels every other day about every little thing. That is the answer to your questions. Your treatment of her has killed the love she had for you. Sorry to be harsh, but that's what I think based on what you've said.
Gunny376 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 That is the answer to your questions. Your treatment of her has killed the love she had for you. Sorry to be harsh, but that's what I think based on what you've said. Ouch! Damn that hurt, but the "often" does!
Gunny376 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Ouch! Damn that hurt, but the "often" does! Remember where you lay your own land minds!"
Island Girl Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 You say you are avery angry person (angry at what? why? do you know?) and that you started fights everyday and picked at her constantly. Would you love someone that did that to you? Love is like a weed -- it can grow anywhere. It doesn't take much to grow but if you try you can kill it. Looks like you tried real hard to 'test' her over and over again. i.e. pick at her, push her away, etc. So she couldn't take it anymore and felt no happiness. So she left and now she wants her own life. She wants her money to be her own so she can be fully separated from you. You said: ****We just talk recently and i said i love her, but her returned remark is, "you dont have to say you love me, just let me do the things i want to do" **** She means if you really care about me leave me alone and let me live my life without you in it. IF she somehow, somewhere deep down, still cares about you, the only hope you have is an immediate division of the finances and NC at all. At this point no matter what you say when you talk to her you are just reminding her why she left. Time has a way of erasing the bad memories and leaving the good for whatever reason. She MAY want to talk to you eventually, after all, she spent 7 years with you. I wouldn't hold out any hope -- I am just saying stranger things have happened. Start working on your neediness, go out and meet people, do other things, and really work on yourself and that anger problem so you don't do the same thing to the next one.
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