silentcharon Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I wish I wasn't so bitter. I saw my ex finally at a pub thursday night. I had to go to a night lecture and a friend texted me, invited me. Stupidly enough, I didn't ask who was going to be there, because I wasn't in the mood AT ALL to see my ex right now. I accepted the invite and as soon as I walked in, I saw my ex. I wanted to turn around and walk out, but then, I thought, what the heck, I'm not going to run away like a coward every time my ex hangs out with my friends. So I sucked it up and said hello. Most of the night went fine, except for one thing. He was already drunk when I got there, and kept drinking. He gets pretty flirty when he drinks, so... my friend, Jae, (who I'm sure I've mentioned on this forum before) was there too. He was hitting on her pretty heavily, at first I was okay with it (I just ignored them, talking to my friends). But as the night went on, it got worse and worse. I was feeling mostly jealous, but I had to keep in mind that, we're broken up and I can't say anything. I got a little fed up and left to get some fresh air. I figured I'd be giving people rides home (I wasn't drinking) so I started to clear out my car, putting stuff in the trunk. My ex came outside and asked me what was wrong. I said, "Nothing, I'm just cleaning out my car." He told me that I wasn't okay and that he knew me better than that, and to spit it out. "Well, it's nothing really, I'm just stressed out." I really did NOT want to say anything. He got mad and slammed my trunk, "You've been ignoring me all night! I don't deserve this! I don't want 7 years to amount to this!" He practically started yelling on top of his lungs. I turned around and told him why I left, it was making me feel uncomfortable. And then started shouting, "HELLO, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO F-ING BROKE MY HEART!" He broke down. He was saying things like, "Don't you get it, I still love you and I miss you so much, I was doing that to get your attention." I told him that it certainly got my attention, but that it wasn't the good kind. I told him that I did not want to see him right now, or speak to him for that matter, because he broke my heart and I'm still not over him. I wasn't asking for reconcilation, I was simply stating the fact that I wasn't over him and that I didn't want anything to do with him. I was so upset how he wouldn't leave me alone outside. I told him that he had to abandon me when he KNEW I'd need him the most, and for that I cannot forgive him, at least not right now. I couldn't forgive him for breaking NC when I told him explictly when he was ready, he could contact me. He told me that he was sorry he broke NC with the flowers, but he was missing me terribly that day and thought it would brighten up my day if he did that. We started talking more in detail, until, I said, you know what, I'm done talking, I don't want to talk about it because you haven't made up your mind. I'm leaving. I went inside the pub to say my good byes and left. Why in the world did my ex feel the need to ask why I was ignoring him all night? One, he's been flirting all night, and two, we're in NC! It sucks... I miss him somewhat, but I've been feeling bitter. I totally thought we would be together when I started school, I'd come home excited to show him my projects, that he'd be there for me. But, no, he had to break up with me when he knew I'd need him the most. Instead, I come home to an empty house, store my projects, make dinner and go to bed alone. WHY, WHY, WHY, does he still want to be my friend? Can't he see that it hurts me to be his friend right now? Doesn't he get it, I don't WANT to be his "in between" friend. Thursday night proved me right, I'm certainly not ready to be his friend because I got jealous. I wish he could understand that, I simply, cannot, cannot be his friend. Especailly not when I'm so stressed out, with school and all, I can't afford to stress out about him due to my disease. I wish he could understand that and let me go.... I already let him go a while ago, when I finally accepted the break up, the same night I forced NC on him. I still love him and all that, but I've already accepted that he didn't want to be with me "right now" and, well, I'm letting him have that. He can't give me what I want, so I must look elsewhere. I'm not waiting for him anymore. This I told him friday night. Before I left, I told him, "Don't you see? I've let you go. You can't give me what I want, and I've accepted that. I'm not waiting for you anymore, I stopped waiting since the night of NC. Just.. let me go." I just want him to let me go.
KittenMoon Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Oh good lord- flirting with your friend to get YOUR attention? Who in the world woud even remotely consider that a good idea?!!!!! SC- you've made your decision. He doesn't need to let you go- you've already made that call. Sorry to hear it was such a lousy night.
magichands Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I just want him to let me go. Oh, silent...I think you need to let him go. Fake indifference (it) until you make it. I'm an expert in prolonging my own agony, so I'm speaking with a modicum of authority here.
garnet Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 SC, I've followed your story, and I just want to say that I really admire how you've handled yourself throughout this. You have been honest, strong and shown great integrity. I don't know what this guy's problem is...he sounds like he still has some growing up to do. I feel very alone in my situation too, so I'm with you. Take care.
Ariadne Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Wow, That was some encounter... And it seems like he still has a lot of things to say to you, they say the drunks say the truth. Ariadne
the patient Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 hey silent, i have a question for you, which would offer me a lot of insight in my own situation. I was just wondering, under what circumstances would you take your ex back? if ever?
Author silentcharon Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 SC- you've made your decision. He doesn't need to let you go- you've already made that call. Oh, silent...I think you need to let him go. Fake indifference (it) until you make it. Yes, I've made my decision, but how can I maintain my decision when he is being so stubborn? I think he is too dang stubborn to admit that he made a mistake. There are a lot of things I don't understand about this break up, the least I could do was to accept that he didn't want to be with me "right now". So, doesn't that mean I've let him go? He's the one who's pestering me, who thinks the NC is silly. I mean, hell, he sent me flowers! Garnet and Aria... thanks. It's been very tough on me, with school and all that. I can't believe I still find the time for LS... Patient... I don't know what sort of circumstances I would take him back. I think it depends entirely on which stage of grieving the dumpee is in when the ex comes back. Right now, I'm feeling bitter, anger and resentment- there are things I would have to question if he came back, such as, what makes this time different? I would question whether he would truly work on the relationship, or just leave again when it's on the rocks? I probably wouldn't take him back, I know this is going to sound petty, because I'm angry. If he came back after the "anger" stage, such as where I am emotionally- If I've already moved on, and accepted that everything happened for a reason, I'd probably take him back. I don't think I would ever stop loving him, but right now I have to concentrate on moving on, and he is certainly not helping at all. That is an interesting question. Again, it really depends on the circumstances, and where the dumpee is concerning his/her emotional/mental well being. I mean, if my ex cheated on me and broke up with me, then came back, I would NOT take him back regardless of where I am, you know? Good luck!
magichands Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 I think he is too dang stubborn to admit that he made a mistake. This sounds like you need closure?...what difference does it make?? Your closure is that it is over. Do you need to be friends with him? Time to stop the contact, and that means the conversations - any conversations. There is no mistake.
Guest Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Silent - i think he doesn't want to let you go because then he has to face his issues and realise that he's lost you. This is hard to do and comes to terms with. However more importantly I think you need to let him go in your head... as the saying goes 'it takes two to tango' and you have removed yourself from the dance. Even if he does contact you, send you flowers etc, you don't have to play - give the flowers to your mum or someone else, or send them back. This I think was the clearest signal that I gave one of my ex's - I took the flowers to his house when I knew he wouldn't be home and said to his flatmate 'I can't accept these' and left. Hopefully you wont encounter another evening like the one, it sounds quite traumatic and upsetting. But at least you made yourself clear and possibly got some things out that you hadn't been able to say before. But I think once you truly let him go then it wont matter whether he has done the same because you're not longer playing.
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