Irishguy3137 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 So i've been handling a distant' not a long distant relationship. It's tough for me because we were around each other constantly and it was reduced...i've adapted though....but at the same time there has been problems...lack of communication on her end...and poor reactions to things on my end...this relationship means alot to me...so here is a minor story. I went to pick her up and she started talking to me about things...saying how feelings are changing she isn't as happy to see me...and we talked about it alot...about where things need to be different...and she was crushing me...and then that same night everything changed around...started talking about how she would really regret it...how she really does love me...i just dont get it...i mean when we're together we're perfect but when we're apart...i dunno...i get antsy...i call...i guess i react poorly to alot of things...all because im protective....but i want to make all this better...your thoughts?-- i know not much detail...but given she doesnt like being told what to do, im protective..i dunno....where is a happy medium...how can i give her the space she wants...and how much space is too much space? Is the days we are apart a call or text really alot to handle?...
aikim Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 My ex and I had a long distance relationship too. When we were apart that's when we would have most of our arguments. And when we would be together we would be fine. I think the problem with long distance relationships are that women need to feel more secure about their position in a relationship when the guy isn't there. Women tend to want more affection and more security such as plenty of phone calls if the guy isn't there. Maybe that's part of the problem.
Growlrifle Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 At the moment have the same problem my boyfriends seems to be content with very little communication. People here didn't have much options to me either. All I can say is try to keep your distance and let her want you but that is the stuff ppl are telling me all the time I've been doing that for a while now and I don't know yet if it is working. The feeling you have when your alone is because you're scared it will go wrong and you'll break up. Have the same **** and for some ppl it can be VERY intense to a degree they go mad. But what I hear both men and women tend to play (with or without knowing it. Some do it by accident) on this one and make you give them more attention. Some are even that evil that they use it to make you hurt more and beg them to come back then dump you and then there is the third option the ones scared of telling they want to break up so they try to communicate as little as possible. There is also a 4th option , she isn't very talkactive or doesn't feel like talking much then nothing is wrong and she just doesn't feel like it it is part of who she is. But for option 2 and 3 you shouldn't be that afraid if you know eachother for a long time. Atleast that is what they tell me in reallife. How long have you two been together btw?
Author Irishguy3137 Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 We've been together for about 8 months. Pretty much over the summer we were inseperable, no worries or concerns, and college came around. The distance hit me like a brick, i decided to not go away and stay local because the alternative was me sharing rent with 2 girls, and i wouldn't do that to any girlfriend i was with out of respect. Once college started i was horrible at first and gradually started getting more used to it. Then her roomate pulled some funny **** and made me uneasy about her. And that has just been an ongoing problem, but im going out of my way to be civil to her for my girlfriends sake... As for communication, it's the type of thing where in person we are great together and happy, apart things just seem to change. I like to talk on the phone and keep communication strong, she doesn't seem to like the phone too much, feels she should use the time to study or spend some time with some friends, which is fair. My problem is i tend to be protective and it comes off horrible sometimes, i wish i wasn't, but i dunno...shouldn't let the past effect who you are with now, but if someone has been unfaithful to you, it just gives you a certain level of paranoia. It doesn't make you not trust the person, it just makes your view and opinion on people respecting the fact someone is in a relationship entirely different. Overall it seems she wants me to just allow her to handle situations on her own without me giving ideas as to how she should...shes become much more independant since going to college, which im not used to that. The weekend as a whole went well...we had a good time...shared some things we needed to share...talked about everything...sorted out what we had to do...agreed we have gotten through rougher times...now its just a matter of going about things differently. How would you guys suggest i handle this week? I go up there on tuesday and thursday, on friday she is coming home to her parents. Should i just give her a lot more space? I mean the days i dont see her all i do is call once in the afternoon once at night...should i just call at night? Well thanks for the help
Author Irishguy3137 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Posted September 25, 2006 More feedback please...
joriel Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I think you're looking for answers from people that can't give you any. You and your gf have done a lot of talking but have you ever asked her when/if she wants you to call? Does she ever call? I'm a firm believer than in LDR relationships no one should do something that they don't really want to do. If you don't want to go visit, then you shouldn't have to. If she doesn't want to call, then she shouldn't have to. I don't know if that made any sense but the point is that you and your gf have to decide what works and what doesn't for yourselves.
Guest Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Irishguy, joriel is right, and I know from recent experience. I really think SCHEDULING your contacts is the way to go. My girlfriend and I had a major blowout a few days ago. Over the past few months, we have had a hard time finding time to talk - she would be gone when I called, I would be gone when she called, and it really festered and built up to the point that when I complained about not hearing from her one night, she lost it and decided to point out all the times that she felt hurt by me not calling her. My advice is for you to actually schedule times and then stick to them. Don't get into a battle over who calls or doesn't call. If she won't schedule time, then you have your answer. One thing I've learned is that my girlfriend needs to feel like she has a life outside of our relationship, and she got tired of waiting around for me to contact her and she really let me have it when I complained about the same thing. Encourage her to pursue her interests and enjoy life, and YOU need to do the same and focus on your own life when she is too busy for you. Hope this helps.
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