this is hard to explain but i tried...Would love to hear thoughts..

[Jerod]

Ok this is kinda hard to explain but I'd love to hear thoughts on it. I am 25. I was in a relationship bout 3 months recently. April to June this year to be exact. It's been over for a little while now but I can't stop thinkin bout my ex at all. She just turned 19. I really feel like I do love her and i know i do really care so much for her still.

 

But here's the scoop...back in December of last year her previous boyfriend died in a auto accident...not long after that she moved to live with her grandparents in Vegas so she could get away from Idaho where she lived and just get away from the hurt and pain and memories that resided there after the accident. She wanted to get away from that. I had met her on myspace.com bout a year ago and for several months we talked occasionally and became friends. Then after she finally moved to Vegas (which was about 6 months ago and shes still living there now) after the accident, thats when we really started talkin more and I got her to get on yahoo messenger and she even got a webcam. So from that point on we started talkin like every day alot and got to see each other on webcam which was cool too. we talked so much everyday and just got closer and closer it seems.

 

She felt comfortable and close to me and she opend up to me and talked to me bout stuff she hadnt told anyone even her parents, best friend, etc. We began to fall for each other after several weeks and decided to move into a relationship in April, and a long-distance one at that. But she had decided that she was gonna move to be with me in Texas eventually in the coming months or by end of year cause she didnt wanna stay in vegas anyway.

 

But I was cautious about the whole "was it too soon" thing for her to be in a relationship after the accident. But the way she talked she put me at ease about it and said that wasnt the case that she really did like me and wanted to be with me. so i felt good about that and we moved on into the relationship. We had a good relationship. Told each other "I Love You" so many times and shared our feelings so much throughout our relationship. Everything just felt so good and real. I know everything I was showing and the my feelings were all real for her and It really seemed hers were too.

 

BUT after 3 months she comes to the realization and confusion that maybe she did jump into a relationship too soon, didnt give herself time to heal. Said she feeling confused bout everything. She said she just needs to be alone for awhile and can't be with anyone and figure and sort out her feelings. But even after that she couldnt seem to let go of me. just several weeks after that it seemed like nothing changed and we were still together.

 

She even asked me one night - "Why can't i committ to something like you and me?". I asked her why she thought it was. She said cause she was 18 (at the time), wanted to travel, experience life, meet people, travel with friends and family and stuff like that. But I finally asked her weeks later if everything was real for her...i mean towards me and stuff. In a nutshell she says she just doesnt know. That maybe that was what she did - she just had so much leftover feelings for him and didnt have a "storage place" for those feelings, but i guess she did find storage in me. she was just remembering how he loved her and treated her while I was actually doing it the 3 months we were together. Like I was just "filling a void" or being "used"....though it wasnt on purpose.

 

HOWEVER, she did mention that on some level, she did have REAL feelings for me and she thinks that she really did love me - although i guess that has changed now i think i dunno. but she did, and might still but she doesnt know it? I know theres not a set time table for when a person can heal from tragedy or something like that. It was just shocking for me to hear her say that maybe her feelings or acting towards me wasnt real cause it all sure seemed real to me. it just sucks cause i still have so much feeling for her but she just doesnt seem to after i really thought she did. I fell hard for a girl i thought had really fallen hard for me too. I guess I should have known right from the beginning. i set myself up for this. I should have just waited and gone with my instinct.

 

But im glad it happend. I got to know a terrific girl and i never would have know what being in love felt like. she was my first true love. All i know is i cant stop thinkin bout her and i miss her so much. I know she was happy with me and drawn really close to me and able to talk to me bout anything. Things are definately not like they used to be. We dont talk near as much if at all it seems. I miss the way it used to be. I pray that she will remember how well i treated her and how much i've loved her and cared bout her. That maybe she will find love for me again. I pray that things will happen the way there supposed to. That we might be together again, but when the time is right, if its meant to be.

 

OK i know this is long and i could go on and on...but in summary this is the situation...im still heartbroken several months later i know that...i've gotten little better...but i guess i still have wishful thinking for us again...who knows what the future holds...would love to hear thoughts on this if any...thanks

[re-searching]

It was just shocking for me to hear her say that maybe her feelings or acting towards me wasnt real cause it all sure seemed real to me.

 

Did you ever actually ever see each in person? If not, maybe that is why she is not sure if it is real. A cyber relationship might leave one confused after a while. I know I would be second guessing myself if I were in one.

 

Try to arrange a meeting face to face.

[Jerod]

yeah we met...back in June she came down for a week to spend with me...and actually for a week in August I went up there to spend with her and her family. Kind of a little vacation. I went to Oregon Coast couple days and spent the rest of the week where she lived in vegas with her Grandparents...that week was kinda awkward cause we werent "together" then but I had already got my ticket almost right after our week together in June to come see her. Plus, she said she still wanted me to come up like planned in August so I did. It wasnt the same obviously as when we had last spent time together in June but it was ok. It was just more a friendly thing the second trip whereas the week together in June we were in a relationship. But yeah we've met and like I said the plan WAS that she wanted to move here to Texas to be with me like around october or at least by end of year. So it wasnt gonna be long-distance anymore. But obviously thats not gonna happen now. This whole thing or relationship between us was just a tough situation all around.

[bluechocolate]

Have I got this right?

 

You spent a total of one week together in a 3 month "relationship"? And this was a relationship which began 3 months after her b/f was killed in an accident?

 

...would love to hear thoughts on this if any...thanks

Two thoughts from me:

 

1 - you never really had a relationship in the first place, and

2 - it was doomed to fail anyway.