freelove Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 So here is my situation...just need to vent and hopefully you guys can give me some input. Started dating this girl 2 years ago, things were good between us for the first 15 months, at least I thought they were, until she dropped the bomb of "wanting to break up". I was devestated, but soon came to realize that I was not putting enough into the relationship and I got too comfortable. She was head over heels for me, but I was just not giving the same in return. I knew I loved her, but I was not showing her through action. After she broke it off with me, I hardly backed away from her and kinda forced my way back into her life, I see as I fought for her. She decided to take me back as I pleaded for a second chance and promised I would change my ways and be more active in the relationship. I know most people say they change and then slip back into their old way, but I know in my heart for the last 8 months I gave 100% to this relationship. Things were awesome for the last 8 months and we fell in love all over again. She has just finished writing the BAR and was heading for a 6 week vacation to Australia. We spoke about the trip and I said to her that this would be a good time for her to think about our future together and what she really wants. We were both so excited after that conversation and it actually brought us closer. The day she left, I came back to the apartment to find a beautiful letter and post-its all over the place. I was so excited for her and for us!! The day she arrives she emails to tell me that she just got a phone, needs to charge it and will text me the number tomorrow. A whole week goea by and I dont hear from her. I do have the number for the place she was staying but I didn't want to bother her beacuase I just thought she was having fun. I just wanted to know that she was safe. How come I had not heard a word from her. One of her friends IM's me to ask if I've heard from her. I say no and ask if she has heard anything. She says no, but tried calling her on her cell in OZ but she didn't pick up. Wait, you have her number. She gave it to me and I called her. It was 3:30 am in Melbourne. She picked up right away and the first thing she says to me is, "Can I call you back? I'm in a bar!!!"What? 20 minutes later she calls back and when I ask her howcome she never gave me her number, she starts accusing me that I would phone her every 2 minutes and that she needs her space, blah, blah, blah!!!! All I wanted to know is if she's ok. That she's safe, having fun. Space, space!!! She's half a million miles away!! What disrespect and inconsideration. I was really upset and told her that I did not deserve to be treated like that. I broke it off right there and then... I don't even remember the conversation because I was so angry. So 1 month later and I have been NC all the way...I'm sure when she gets back she will contact me for closure. I'm dreading that day...29th September. What do you guys think? Was I right to break it off? I mean, i can't sit here for 6 weeks wondering if I should call my own girlfriend or not and worry if I'm annoying her. It's just not on. And, if she's not into the relationship, just be straight up with me, be honest because that's all I have given to her. I just think what she did was inexcusable. I have a feeling she is going to contact me when she gets back to talk about things, especially the fact that the break up was so abrupt and over the phone(which is the last way I would have wanted to end it). So what do you think I should do if she does call? Should I ignore her or take the call and get final closur? I'm kinda confused on how to handle it when she gets back! Any suggestions?
Author freelove Posted September 25, 2006 Author Posted September 25, 2006 Please guys, any thoughts???
joriel Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 It's been a month of NC AND you broke it off. If she calls, answer. I understand that you were upset over the way that it all went down but at the end of the day, you were the dumper. I don't see how it can hurt for you to answer IF she calls.
Author freelove Posted September 25, 2006 Author Posted September 25, 2006 I guess because the break-up was so abrupt and it really wasn't something I wanted to do!!! But I just felt that I had absolutely no choice! Even though I am the dumper, I still feel like the dumpee!!
joriel Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 Maybe I'm reading your first post incorrectly but it seems to me that you broke it off because you were upset that she didn't give you her number and that she alluded to you being clingy. It doesn't matter that it's not something that you wanted to do, or whether it happened in the heat of the moment, or anything else. What matters is that you broke up with her. So if she calls, I just think that you should answer. Get your closure or just see where the conversation takes you but I really don't see why you're questioning whether or not you should pick up the phone.
The New Yorker Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I think you should let her go, if you mattered to her just like that party she was having fun at, she would make time for you. Don't settle, you'll regret it later. To many choices to be waisting time with one
Zankon Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 I ll tell you freelove, after the first break up and this last one you broke off on the phone, "I m breaking up with you" will be the sentence of the week everytime you guys will have a little issue... I can almost assure you that things will never be the same: the proof is she needed space and she didn't call you. As far as I am concerned that means she doesn't give a f***. When you're in a relationship you shouldnt be thinking 'should I or should I not'. You were supposed to be the 1st toi have her # in aussi's land. This boat is sinking... if I were you I ll jump off and swim away with my life. If she calls don't answer just ignore it... I KNOW you ll be SOOOO eager to talk to her and u ll find every good reason to answer her calls BUT DON'T. U made a decision, stick to it and move on... history repeats itself and if you go back to this yo-yo talks you'll be her yo-yo till she dumps your ass in the worst way u can ever imagine... been there done that.
Island Girl Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 You were not wrong in your expectations of having her number. She flat out told you you'd get it as soon as the phone charged. But she didn't make that happen. A week goes by and no talking to her - no text message- no wonder you feel like the dumpee. YOU WERE. She quit you and the relationship. She showed you no respect and she knew you were sitting there by the phone. C'mon, you know this is just RUDE and disrespectful crap. You don't owe her a conversation at all. The only thing she should hear from you is a calm "Don't ever contact me again" followed by a hang up. And that is only if you feel it is necessary when SHE calls YOU. You shouldn't even put enough effort to even dial her number. She isn't worth it.
Amour77 Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Yeah, do not bother, she is not worth it. She has her space (being miles away) and she still wants space! No, she wants out! My ex started to do the same thing before we broke up. I had been away for two weeks to visit my family (as I only see them a couple of times a year) and during the second week, she started to ignore my phone calls and texts for at least three days... It eventually ended up as a break up. I know you might be tempted to hold onto anything, but do not bother! Even if she comes back to you, things will never be the same. Once the glass is broken, it is extremely difficult to fix it!
gfto Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Was I right to break it off? News bulletin: You did not break it off. She did! This girl's interest level in you crashed a long, long time ago, i.e., when she told you she wanted to break up. This girl has been playing you like a fiddle. You might have been excited about that conversation with her before she left for vacation, but I can assure you, she was only excited about getting away from you. Guy, this girl dumped you a long time ago. Just disappear and focus on new girls.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 She gave it to me and I called her. It was 3:30 am in Melbourne. She picked up right away and the first thing she says to me is, "Can I call you back? I'm in a bar!!!"What? 20 minutes later she calls back and when I ask her howcome she never gave me her number, she starts accusing me that I would phone her every 2 minutes and that she needs her space, blah, blah, blah!!!! All I wanted to know is if she's ok. That she's safe, having fun. Space, space!!! She's half a million miles away!! When women(and men too) are up to no good, they often try to make you feel like the bad person. The statements above about her accusing you of calling to much and she needs space are HUGE red flags. Sorry dude, she is playing you like a fiddle.
Author freelove Posted September 30, 2006 Author Posted September 30, 2006 So here is an update: She got back from her travels 2 days ago and by late afternoon she sent me an IM saying that she was back and felt awkward about the way things ended and she was not sure if she could call me or not! I never replied but later in that night I decided to call her to talk. I landed up going over to her place and when I walked through the door she had the look on her face like I was going to blast her for everything. Instead I kept my composure, kept things light for a while and then we began to discuss the relationship and why it ended. I'm not going to get into all the details about what was said, but basically I told her how grateful I was to have had her in my life for the last 2 and a half years and that I don't regret a thing. I told her that I do not blame her for anything and that understood why she did what she did. We had a wonderful talk and really got everything out in the open. It was great to see eachother and we really had a good time catching up. I left her place on such a positive note that it filled me with a sense of joy and peace. I'm proud of myself for the way I handled it, because I know it could have gone the complete opposite way. I do feel a little weird to day, kinda like I've gone back to square one, but in all I'm so glad I got to see her and have the talk with her. We did not set anything in stone about NC or LC or even seeing eachother. I'm just taking everything one day at time and I know that I am moving forward and growing with each step. This has all been a wonderful learning experience for me!!!
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