bunny25k Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 well, it's close to 5 months since the break up and i finally thought i can move on. i was so wrong. trust me, its not that i cant get a date. there have been many offers that i have turned down. but finally, an attractive guy (very nice and stable guy) liked me so i thought i should give him a chance. we started talking a lot on the phone at first. conversation was ok...i talked a lot, he listened. then we eventually went out on a date. during the whole date i felt weird, i felt that i rather be alone than to be even dating right now. he actually gave me a good night kiss. it felt awkward for me to kiss anyone but my ex. i kinda felt like i was cheating. so i told him that i was confused and needed more time to be by myself. i felt guilty for leading him on, he was really hurt, but said he understood. my ex and i clicked so well when we first started seeing each other. it felt so perfect from the get go. im scared that i can never find that again. we were two peas in a pod. i miss him so much.
KittenMoon Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 It's okay- you are under no obligation to move on until it feels right for YOU. It's been 7 months for me and I still can't quite believe how disinterested I am in the idea of dating. But remember there's no rule in life that says we have to be with someone else ALL the time.
Author bunny25k Posted September 22, 2006 Author Posted September 22, 2006 i have had people ask me if i was sure it's my ex i miss or just having somebody around. now i know that it's not just the company i miss so much, i miss everything about him.
KittenMoon Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 You had a long relationship (me too) so in reality, 5 months is NOT a whole lot of time to stop missing someone who was a huge part of your life for almost 5 years! You just gotta keep going I guess, and at some point, you'll be ready to move onto someone else's company and personality you'll enjoy. (at least that's what they tell me )
Author bunny25k Posted September 22, 2006 Author Posted September 22, 2006 yep, just gotta keep going. i have been crying everyday since we broke up, up until a few weeks ago. now i feel like crying again. i thought i was making progress being somewhat interested in another guy and all. but bammm. thoughts of him resurface like a lightning bolt. the wound feels so fresh again.
KittenMoon Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 yep, just gotta keep going. i have been crying everyday since we broke up, up until a few weeks ago. now i feel like crying again. i thought i was making progress being somewhat interested in another guy and all. but bammm. thoughts of him resurface like a lightning bolt. the wound feels so fresh again. Yeah, I hear you. THe only reason I'm not crying still is medication I had to start to stop myself from crying all the time. I'm still fighting a lot of memories that keep rising to the surface. It's all ups and downs. Try not to get into a total cycle of pain.. in our heads, pain begets pain begets pain... that's why depression is so easy to slide into and so hard to get out of.
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Moving on doesn't happen overnight.... I was with my ex husband for 10 years in total- and the pain of that break up never leaves me. I don't love him anymore- but I remember what the pain is like. It's been three years now, and I've dated and played the field, but remembering what the pain can be like is scary, and it often stops me from getting emotionally involved. I can tell you, dating again after a failed long term relationship is weird! But it gets easier. You'll get more comfortable with it. If you need meds or therapy to get you through this- don't avoid it. I waited until recently to talk to a professional and get some meds. I'm glad I'm doing it now though. I haven't been a good girlfriend to any of the guys I've dated since my ex-husband- mostly because I've put up this wall around me. Don't build the wall that I did. The longer I waited to deal with my feelings, the higher that wall became. I recently lost a great guy because of my emotional baggage. Just take your time- deal with the pain, date as you feel ready. When you're ready to open yourself up to someone else, you'll know. Take care, D
magichands Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 i thought i was making progress being somewhat interested in another guy and all. but bammm. thoughts of him resurface like a lightning bolt. the wound feels so fresh again. Are you in to the whole "comparison" mindset? Maybe that's a big sign that you are not ready just now. im scared that i can never find that again. Well...that feeling is one that almost everyone has, I think. But you had it once, and you can have it again. Except next time, let's hope it's for real.
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 The longer I waited to deal with my feelings, the higher that wall became. Very true words...
luvtoto Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 well, it's close to 5 months since the break up and i finally thought i can move on. i was so wrong. trust me, its not that i cant get a date. there have been many offers that i have turned down. but finally, an attractive guy (very nice and stable guy) liked me so i thought i should give him a chance. we started talking a lot on the phone at first. conversation was ok...i talked a lot, he listened. then we eventually went out on a date. during the whole date i felt weird, i felt that i rather be alone than to be even dating right now. he actually gave me a good night kiss. it felt awkward for me to kiss anyone but my ex. i kinda felt like i was cheating. so i told him that i was confused and needed more time to be by myself. i felt guilty for leading him on, he was really hurt, but said he understood. my ex and i clicked so well when we first started seeing each other. it felt so perfect from the get go. im scared that i can never find that again. we were two peas in a pod. i miss him so much. I understand exactly what you are going through. I'm scared, too. It's comforting to know other people are struggling with these same issues. I try to remember things that I didn't like about my X to help me move on. A person tends to only remember the good things. Remember that.
magichands Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I try to remember things that I didn't like about my X to help me move on. A person tends to only remember the good things. Any tips on remembering things you have forgotten??
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Things to remember to help you want to forget: * White socks with shorts and sandals * His eyes were too close together * That annoying sex face * He had pictures his artist ex girlfriend had drawn and signed hanging on the walls of his house * He was dull * My friends didn't like him * He was obsessed with motorcycles, not me * He was always late * He smoked * He had no clue how to communicate * He had an STD he knew about and didn't tell me...so I got it too Insert your own bad memories. Write them down, view them often. It will remind you why you guys broke up in the first place! Oh, here's the kicker for me.... * I only (ahem) came about 20% of the time we had sex. * He had a very, very low sex drive.... You'll come up with a good list if you think about it! :-)
magichands Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 * His eyes were too close together Need you go any further?
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 haha. I should have walked away after seeing the white socks and sandals though...seriously. But still, almost cross-eyed or not... he was the one that left me...
LakesideDream Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 haha. I should have walked away after seeing the white socks and sandals though...seriously. But still, almost cross-eyed or not... he was the one that left me... Please, those are officially know as "mandals".
luvtoto Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 My x did this annoying thing called lieing. He was such a good liar that I don't even think he thought he was doing it. Bugged the hell out of me when he did that. Sure, he was charming, had a great sense of humor, awesome & unforgettable chemistry and could look melt me with one glance. But, I just keep reminding myself that he was a dishonest guy. Honestly, I don't want someone like that. I doubt if he'll ever have a healthy relationship with any woman. It was the main reason his first marriage ended. So, I dodged a bullet. But, oh...there are those times when I miss him soooo much.
AriaIncognito Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Definitely don't put a time limit on yourself. I was with someone for 4 years. I dont remember how long it took me to be OK with being single, but I didn't date for 3 years after we split up. I do remember that I got happy with just being single and doing my own thing, so when I did meet someone, I was very hesitant to let him in. Eventually I did, and we dated a year and split up. lol. Fact of the matter is, you'll move on when you are ready, not a moment sooner. And while sometimes you might be like "what's wrong with me why can't i move on" I dont know, there just seems to be something in your head or heart that finally snaps and decides you're ready. Just have to listen and wait for it. Good luck to you, Jennifer
Author bunny25k Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 here are some annoying things about my ex: always neglect me at his friends' parties makes me feel insecure and judged lends large sums of money to female coworkers drinks way too much thats all i can think of, but if i were to list all the good things about him, it would take up pages. however, even though its a small list above, thinking about how i felt when he does those things helps me deal with the pain of not being together a little easier. thanks for all the advice. i guess im not ready to move on yet and it's ok.
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