yourshawty_69 Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 On September 5 of 2006 at 5 am.. Three wonderful people who were close to me had passed on in one of the worst ways possible. One's name was Heather , the other was Brook and her son. The girl's, twin's and her son... Only ten month's old. At five aclock that morning, their house had caught fire and by the time the firemen got there... It was too late, all three of them found with their bodies pressed to the front door. The police are curious to know as of why they had made it from the back of the house to the front and yet, they could not manage to get out the door. It was twelve hours later that they finally got the flames out. They claim it to be suspisious and still, they say it would take months to figure out what Caused the fire, seeing as the flames were to hott and destroyed just about any evidence. My problem is, they were close friends and every since that day... I have been having trouble sleeping, often waking up in a sweat and crying. It's because of these nightmares as it's like I was there... Watching them when they died and I cannot do anything about it. But when I wake up with a start, I'm sweating, coughing, and crying all at the same time. It is the same dream each night and I always seem to wake up before I can get to them. I've grown distant from my other friends... Never in a million years did I imagine that people I knew would die in such a way and even though people tell me over and over again that they are in a better place.. I cannot get over it. All three of them were so young, never fully getting a chance to experience life for what it truely is. Will these dreams ever stop? Why cant I seem to push past them? If anyone can help me.. I would appreciate it.
No Way Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 This is extreamly difficult for me to say and I say it with understanding. You are going to be profoundly effected for years. Nothing will ease how hurt you are. Nothing. The only thing you can do is try to manage the damage this has on you overall. You are suffering from Post Trumatic Stress Disorder. You discribe the classic symptoms. The only thing you can do is see a theropist. One you like - not just anyone. It wont help you unless you truely feel a conection with them. They cant ease your agony and I know thats what you are grabing for. This kind of pain will be present but different and not so overpowering with effort, care and some time. You are a very loveing person and those you lost were lucky to have you in their lives. Its people like you that are so deeply effected. Its a blessing and a curse. Wow I hope you get some assitance soon. Keep us informed of how your copeing. Not many of us heve experianced a loss like you but you will find people here are a great support system.
Ariadne Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Hi, This is absolutely horrible what has happened and no wonder you are like this. I'm so sorry. This is what I'd do. I'd go to the house where they died and sit right at the door where they were found and lean my head against the door and cry and talk to them. I'd bring candles too, and a teddy bear for the kid, and some things that were special for you and your friend and just sit there and talk to them and cry. I'd do that every day or as often as I could and just caress the door. Until you feel ok with it. And if one day something special happens to you, return to the door and tell them. If you can't get that near the place, then get as near as you can and do the same thing. Spend time talking to them, remembering moments together just as if they were there. Seems to me you are burying the feelings inside that's why the dreams. Ariadne
Teacher's Pet Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 I'd go to the house where they died and sit right at the door where they were found and lean my head against the door and cry and talk to them. I'd bring candles too, and a teddy bear for the kid, and some things that were special for you and your friend and just sit there and talk to them and cry. I'd do that every day or as often as I could and just caress the door. Until you feel ok with it. And if one day something special happens to you, return to the door and tell them. OMG, Ariadne... That totally brought a tear to my eye. I think that's a great idea. I know it's not going to be easy for you, Shawty, but it may help you "reconnect" with them. Nothing can bring them back, but perhaps, you can find a little comfort through this....knowing that somewhere...somehow.....they know you care. Bless you, and I am SO deeply sorry for your loss. -tp
Teacher's Pet Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Ariadne's idea kind of reminds me of when you see flowers on the side of the roads, to mark where someone was killed in an automobile accident. Sometimes I see those "memorials", and think about how hard it must be for the family and friends of those who died there, to go and visit the place where their loved ones took their last breaths..... I guess while we try to share in life, sometimes, we need to share in death as well. I know my child is watching me right now. Even though it was never born, it had a soul, and one day, we'll be together again as father and child. That's part of what motivates me to be a good friend and to help people. I never had a chance to be a role model for my child, so if sharing my experiences and my affections can touch the life of even ONE person, I know I'm doing the right thing. I can't believe it, but I'm actually crying right now. But that original post made me think. Next month will be 8 years since my ex's miscarriage, and I suppose, it's the one memory I have that still haunts me to this day. I've never really had a place to talk about my feelings on this, so thankfully, I have one now in LoveShack, and when the time is right, I'll begin THAT healing process too. Be "excellent" to each other, -tp
Ariadne Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 I can't believe it, but I'm actually crying right now. But that original post made me think. Next month will be 8 years since my ex's miscarriage, and I suppose, it's the one memory I have that still haunts me to this day. Awww..... I'm so sorry about your son {{{Teacher's Pet}}} Ariadne (Ps: And you made me cry too)
Author yourshawty_69 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I thought I would check back in... I thank you guys for your advice and understanding. I'm keeping myself busy now, trying not wollow in it... I do still have the dreams and it still hurts to even hear their names. The closest I was able to get to the house, was across the street when I looked to the fire... I dont think I could bring myself to go back there again. Everyone in town raised funds for their funerals and even now, everyone stops to leave something at the home... I havent yet but I know that when I can actually shake loose of it... I will.
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