icebreaker Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Hi guys! I'm hoping some of you can help shed some light on how I can deal with the situation I'm in. Here it goes.. This young lady started working for my company about 6 months ago. She was very unique in the sense she had mainly male friends, talked like a guy about sex in particular. She has this strong thirst for attention. When talking to her, it was hard for me to distinguish whether or not she was telling the truth. I should add she has a bf. All this points to histrionic personality disorder, which I later learned of after trying to comprehend why she was so hot and cold towards me. Initially she pursued me as if I were the only guy on Earth. I kept my distance and even told her she wasn't going to get to me because of all the games she was playing. Because of personal trials in my life ever so slowly she got her hooks in me. I started to warm up to her and became the pursuer. I asked her out on numerous occassions, which she always seemed to have a reason not go. I started to realize I was her daytime boyfriend. The mental games were unbelievable. One day she was very friendly and flirtateous. The next day I received the brush off and b**chy attitude. What the hell? It was a downward spiral until.... Finally out of frustration I stopped talking to her altogether. It lasted a month before she contacted me. Asking to go for coffee breaks and lunch. I was reluctant but thought maybe we could start fresh and keep it platonic (although admittedly I still have some feelings for her). She expressed how grateful she was that we are friends again etc. I've let her do the majority of the contact and on occassion have done the thoughtful act of kindness like bring her a donut, which she seems to appreciate. I know this is new to her, since most guys are constantly chasing her. However, with my restored self esteem I'm not going to take her bait. Well, since then I've had a low threshold for her crap. For example, she will purposely pull her little power moves to get me to respond to her. Asking me for little things. Just little stupid things. Lately, though she has increased her talk of her bf, which wasn't the case before. Is she trying to rub it in my face, or get me jealous, or am I just a friend to her? I don't know. What strikes me as odd is she nevers mentions his name and she never speaks of how they feel about each other. Okay I can accept the bf talk. What I can't accept is this constant talk about guys hitting on her, inquiring about her and about how guys find her so irresistable. Another jealousy ploy? Keep in mind I don't get jealous. I have so much confidence in myself that I'm not bothered in the least by the other guys. I truly believe in the qualities I have as a person. So nothing phases me. Another thing, which annoys me is her constant talk about how attractive she is. "People find me beautiful. I've gotten a lot because of my looks. I'm so much prettier than her". Just shut the f**k up already!!!! On two occassions I told her she was arrogant. She backed off real quick when I said that. Lastly, she has inititated almost a daily habit (beginning of the day) to ask me for morning coffee. She is wanting to get together, which is fine. But when I ask her to do something (definitely not on a daily basis) she always has a reason not to. This bugs me. It's as though she wants to control our encounters. As I type this, I'm almost figuring out why she has started asking me out daily. It would appear to create a routine for the two of us. Eventually, she will stop with the intentions of me reacting by stepping into the pursuer role. Very clever on her part. I'll have to decline some of her invitations to keep her in check. The thing that bothers me the most is her expecting me to act like a bf. She gets jealous when I talk about other girls or my social life. If there are other women within a group like setting and I speak with them I get a cold shoulder. Now, keep in mind I don't capitalize on the situation anymore because I don't want to get back into the cat and mouse game with her. It's just too exhausting. So basically, I come to you all and ask what are her motives and why does she do this? Also, the referral to bf without using his name has always bewildered me. Why is that?
MadDog Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Let me get this straight. You pretty much acknowledge she's an attention whore AND she has a boyfriend but yet you still find yourself wasting time worrying about what this chick is thinking? You're just adding fuel to the fire my man. Just forget about her and spend your time trying to get a chick without a personality disorder like this chick obvious has. You ask what her motivations are? It's to get attention to very temporarily relieve her deep-rooted insecurity. I know subconciously you wanted to hear that she is unhappy with her boyfriend and that she's actually considering dumping him for you but it's not gonna happen.
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