icebreaker Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Hi guys!! I'm seeking advice or opinion about a situation I'm in. Hopefully, you all can help. I was reading a recent thread on BPD, and it has raised some eyebrows. I think I'm dealing with someone who has many characteristics of a person with histrionic personality disorder. Here is a brief summary of what I'm going through. This young lady starts working for my company. She is very attractive (has the most amazing smile). Claims to only have male friends because women were always jealous of her. She always spoke in a sexual manner and was very open with her sexuality. Another thing that bothers me about her is she always had these stories, which made her life seem so exciting. Many times I thought she was just lying. She is very shallow and seems emotionally numb. Almost fake in her symapathies. Although she has a boyfriend, she immediately shows strong interest in me. Very flirty and aggressive. She acts as if she's on the verge of leaving him. I'm thinking okay play your cards right, you'll be in the driver's seat. We play the flirting game and when I think evrything is a go, I finally ask her out and get typical "no" response. Of course, I was into her so I continued my pursuit of her, which always left me emplty handed. She was always hot and cold. One moment she was into me. The next I was the biggest idiot around. When I called her out on some of her behavior, she would actually show fear that I would stop paying her attention. Well, I got tired of the games and decided enough was enough. I stopped talking to her altogether. This lasted a month before she contacted me and tried to rekindle the friendship. I've been receptive but only in a friend kind of way because during the month of no talking I weaned myself off her as best as I could. So, basically, I have a very controlled attraction towards her and am beginning (although slowly) to see her more as a friend. The thing is I've limited my pursuing of her but will at times do something nice for her on occasion if warranted. Now, here is what bothers me about her...... Two things It is understood that we are friends. She talks of her bf doing this and that for her. Nothing big. She talks about guys asking her out and her rebuffing them. She talks about guys inquiring about her. Is this to make me jealous because it's the first thing that pops out of her mouth? BUT!!!!! You know what's coming.... If I mention any women especially someone she doesn't care for, she get's very jealous. She gets aggitated and very moody. She treats me like I'm some kind of daytime bf. Another thing is the constant "I'm so beautiful talk". She actually believes what she says. This person loves me. Guys are drawn to me, etc. I just want to tell her to just shut the f*** up!!!!!! I did call her arrogant, which caused her to quickly retreat. What's the point of all this? 2nd issue is her controlling the situations we are in. She routinely will ask me to join her for coffee or lunch. But when I counter initiate doing the same, she has a reason why she can't. What's up with that? It's like she can't do something with me unless it's totally spontaneous or she has prepared for it. All this is becoming very annoying to the point where I'd rather go back to not talking to her. However, I do like her at times and she does bring a little excitement to the office. I'm finding what works best is enjoying my time with her, but once we are apart, it works best just to forget about her. My main concern is how do I keep her from getting to me? Thanks!
Guest Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Id say this is a very selfish man-eater woman. You're doing exactly what she wants. When she wants you there, and you keep going back to her. She gets a kick out of rejecting males and offers for lunch because it makes her feel good about herself because she can get male attention. Id suggest you ignore her or change the subject (not to yourself but to something neutral) as soon as she starts to talk about herself again. Next time she asks you to lunch or starts flirting with you then reject her. Like I said before I think right now your doing exactly what she wants you to, it won't stop unless you start making boundries. Show her that your not gonna be a doormat (i hate to tell you but at the moment you are) but you'll be a friend so just treat her like a friend and don't just agree or yes to what she says, at the moment your playing a game of her saying jump and you saying how high. Put your foot down cause you will only get hurt because if she was interested in you she would ask you questions not talk about herself and she would say yes to your offers for lunch
Loserdude Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Well my friend, I doubt she's histrionic, but she is screwy. Maybe it's borderline, I don't know, but CLEARLY she needs to be the center of all attention. Many beautiful girls are this way - they are so used to being hit on, doted on and adored that nothing else makes sense to her. But you have to ask yourself what you want from this woman - draw a line and stick to it. Decide where that line is when you are away from her for a couple of days so you don't succumb to her feminine wiles. Make this determination and DO NOT STRAY. Now, once you are in your own driver seat, this will really bug her because of her view of herself in the world so she will really really try to get you to be interested in her - which has nothing to do with you and how she feels about you, it only has to do with getting her narcissistic needs met. It sounds like a sick game, and for sure, if I were you, I would stay very distant. I hope this helps
phyrespryte Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 My main concern is how do I keep her from getting to me? Run. Run far away from her. Seriously. She's nuts.
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