me :-(

[kpm057]

I need someone to talk to and need advice about my new long distance relationship. Ive been dating this girl that i love to death for 7 months. Im 19 years old and shes 18. she went away to college about 3 weeks ago. i worked with her and was with her everyday up until she left. we never fought and nothing ever went wrong. we are both open people and tell each other everything and how we feel. anyway since shes been gone i find myself mad and jealous at every little thing.

 

i cant stand when i call her and shes with her guy friends. i know i shouldnt be mad or jeaouls but i keep getting that way. i guess i get mad and jeaouls cause shes not here anymore, and that shes all of a sudden with guys all the time and having fun and getting to know them better then me eventually. i feel like i dont have a big part in her life anymore. just little things ill get upset over. like i always want to know who shes with or where shes going. i cant just relax. im constantly looking at my phone to see if she is calling or text me. and i dont do much since shes been gone. i didnt have that many friends to begin with so im always bored and time goes so slow when i have nothing to do. so i sit back and worry and ik all the things i should be doing and feeling but i cant seem to stop behaving like i do.

 

she tells me everything and i tell her everything. i just get so jealous and upset and miss her so much. and i tell her everything im telling you. i tell her every emotion in my body, but i still keep doing this and dont know how to make it better. im so worried about her and boys out there. and im so worried about every little thing that is going on out there and cant know. like things said and did anyone touch her or did she touch them .. just everything is so hard to handle and shess been gone for only 4 weeks and shes there for another 6 years. i just really need someone to talk about this with... i dont want to lose her and dont know how to get better. please help

[embee87]

Quite ironic that I found your thread because I'm going through a similar thing. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is back in my hometown, I'm away for school. 3 hours away. We've been together for over a year, and in my freshman year, everything was alright. After spending an entire summer together, I can't imagine going through this entire year seeing him only on select weekends. I've grown closer to him, and without him nearby, I feel so incomplete (back at home, we live only 7km apart).

 

We had a long conversation last night about this, myself in tears. And I feel as if he doesn't understand. I'm purposely not involved in school activities because all I do between class hours is wait to hear from him (call or text). From my mediocre marks last year, I can't go home as often as I used to (nor can I afford it). He works full time, long hours, so it is often hard for him to visit me.

 

I can relate to you completely with the worry you have for your girlfriend. I hate it when my boyfriend goes out with his (single) guy friends, it worries me. Here I am at one of the biggest party school in my country, and yet I barely go to those parties simply because I have no desire to meet other guys (drunk guys, might I add, who seem extra friendly at such events). I can offer no such advice to you yet, as I am still trying to cope, just like you.

[Guest]

Hi guys,

 

I am sad to see you too in the same situation I was in last year in my final year of collage. I paid a heavy price for feeling exactly like you guys are feeling. It is an emotional roller coaster. I can only give you one piece of advice, DON’T put your life on hold for any body else especially at your ages. I would suggest to the both of you to get out and socialise meet new people, that is most likely what the other person is doing and its healthy and necessary at your age, you will only have your self to blame in the end if you don’t put your self first and figure your self out.

 

Plus you will prob. find that you are happy and that’s all that matters you can’t expect somebody else to make you “complete”. I think as you go through your 20’s you find this out. Its not what you want to hear I am sure and I don’t expect you to understand but I guarantee some day you will and the sooner the better because I guarantee you with a couple of relationships under your belt it makes you wiser, stronger and much more suitable for a healthy relationship in your late twenties when both partners have a better idea of them selves, what they want and where they are going with there lives.

 

Best of luck.

[Kpm352]

See the thing is i know what i need to change. i know being jeouls doesnt help anything. i know the way i react is wrong. i know staying home and being bored doesnt help the situations. I know all of these things but still these emotions overpower me and i end up getting mad and jealous all over agian. and when i do talk to people about it ( which helps for the moment) they usually agree 100% of what im saying and feeling and would react the same way if not worse. In a way i feel like she doesnt care as much about me or miss me as much. even though i know deep down thats probly not the case. i just seem to call her alot more and and say i miss you more. i know shes busy with school work and making new friends. and im home doing nothing. i get jealous of so many things and make up things in my head and i cant control it. i seem to be in the best moods when i know shes in her dorm alone with no one around. and the other day i called her room and a guy picked up. and that made me mad. then he handed the phone to my girlfriend and i asked who was there. she said her girl roomate the guy who answered the phone and another guy sleeping on her bed. these are all her friends that live 5 feet away in the dorms but just hearing that theres guys in her room or on her bed get me so angry. Is this not normal? am i the only one feeling like this? on top of guys being jeouls of guys, im jelous that they get to experience my beautiful baby more then i get to now. and im scared that there the ones going to make her happy and have all the fun with. like i cant protect her or do anything anymore. i feel usless and that our relationship is based on hopes and dreams for the future. im a very physical person and i need hugs and whatnot to feel loved. and this long distance relationship is making me a wreck

[Island Girl]

OK - so you may be smothering her at this point. That is a sure way to send her running for the hills. DON"T tell her every little feeling. Girls don't like it when they feel like the guy they are with needs to be with them, have them, hold them -- we want to know that you are with us because you choose to be but you can stand alone as well.

 

You need to develope other interests. If she is going out and meeting people and doing things -- you need to as well. You should be doing that anyway - You are only 18! Explore your world a little bit more.

 

You sound desperate -- I know you are feeling that way. But telling her how you are feeling is not good. Acting that way -- acting desperate is not okay. It is a sure fire way to get single in a hurry. You need to be more confident. It is an internal thing. Fake it till you make it has helped other people I know. You can try that. Act more confident. Act like you have a lot going on too (and then try to get stuff going on because I can't tell you enough that you are 18 and you need to get out more!).

 

When you talk to her --- at least for a while, talk about her and things she has going on (until you get stuff going on you can talk about too). Don't get into a pattern of talking about your relationship and how much you miss her and how much you need her and your feelings. It gets draining and that is when dreading talking to that person becomes a huge issue.

 

If it has already become an issue - the thing you'll notice first is her pulling away. Not able to talk as much - she seems preoccupied when you are on the phone - she isn't there at pre-arranged times to talk - those are all signs she is feeling smothered and it is a short trip at that point to the break up. Don't let it get that far.

 

I hope for the best for you but you both are so young. College is a whole different world and people change a hellava lot during those years. Keep your feet grounded in reality okay? You've got to invest more in yourself than someone else at this stage in your life.

[irish_lover]

Hi again,

 

I am the one who wrote the previous guest reply, I absolutley totaly and utterly understand where you are comming from and my last relationship turned out to be hell for me. Because i am a very physical person also.

 

I spoke to lots of people about my relationship and like you say everyone said that I was 100% correct. What happened to me was I would get angry feel so guilty afterwards and then feel that I was driving her even further away, imagine you loved some one but wanted to be sociable and all you got was criticism.

 

We had many issues and I have to say at such an early stage you can't really get to know some body anyway. I found out only recently after a year in a LDR that she has serious issues and many of the problems we had were due to her being wrapped up in her issues and not "forgetting about me". what I am trying to say is that a LDR is not a good way to get to know some body you need to know them very well first.

 

I think how you are feeling about her is not the root of your problem, you really should put more stuff into your life. It seems that all of your attention is on her and if you are like me anythig will make you mad, I got angry one time because she joked that she was stronger than me, she was only joking but i was so wrapped up in our relationship that saw it as her disrespecting me.

 

You will be wasting your worrying on her and will drive her away anyway. To be honest you might just have to ride this one out, I got lots of advice but I have only learnt now. But if you can see what I mean, back off on her just be loving caring and happy, don't complain and that will help but of course there is no garante. You should try to make other female friends. I have found that knowing that some one else likes you makes you happy inside even if you do nothing about it, its like a little mental boost!!

 

It is tough, I have felt your pain for a whole year!! every day was painfull and I am only getting over it now. You have to sort your own life out before you get into a serious relationship, if you don't you become dependent and that is unattractive and dangerious for your own peace of mind.

 

Sorry I can't be of more help, I know how you feel and there is no easy solution.

 

Best of luck

[Irishguy3137]

Hey,

 

I'm also in a similar situation im 21, girlfriend is 18. Honestly; you need to give them space. If they are with you, they are with you for a reason. I don't agree with going out meeting new people, exploring, ect. Honestly, people do get married at 18 and make it work, people get engaged at 21, and it lasts a life time. So i dont believe there is any set rules as to how things should be handled...people have bad experiences and try to oppress these bad things onto other people with good reason no doubt...but fact is everyone is different. Smothering will cause problems, i've learned that the hard way. Being jealous will also cause problems. What you ARE entitled to, is telling her something bothers you, but let her handle it her own way. If you begin saying how you would like for her to handle things, you aren't letting her be herself and handling things as she would, and then you run into the problem of being "controlling" Yes its tough, when distance is put in place. But the fact is you guys were strong and committed before, if you truly believe that, then in college it will make no difference. She will meet people, and she will have new agenda to follow, but if you truly feel you guys felt that strongly about each other in college, nothing is going to change as long as you continue to treat each other the same. And feel the same way about each other. So dont sweat the small things, keep the big picture there to view, and just realize that i can work out dispite what lots of people say. No, it isn't easy, but relationships involving heavy committment aren't easy. They are always work. Just work with it...everything will be fine...if you give reason for problems to rise, then they will do just that...just enjoy their time, support them, love them, and work through things together. Worry in excess is bad for both you and her.