superfreak Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Hiya guys. Need to get some stuff off my chest. I'm gonna apologize right off the bat for being long-winded; anyone who has ever read one of my posts will already know this about me... There's not much that's SIMPLY WORDED here. Anyway... So... I'm really frustrated. I posted something a while back--"I'm never gonna get laid, ever." Yeah, OK, I'm frustrated about THAT, too, but I certainly don't want to settle for less. I've done that all my life, dated guys that I didn't like just to BE with someone; gotten into lengthy and unhealthy relationships that were ill-fated from the start; allowed myself to be used time and time again sexually in hopes of making some kind of connection with someone. Nothing has worked out. I'm young, but I feel like time is running out, that the men get picked off exponentially each year. I'm 27, and with no prospects for any kind of romance; I watch my co-workers have beautiful weddings, I hear about people hooking up all over the place (to be fair, I hear about my other single friends' woes and gripes about being alone, too, as well as people breaking relationships off), and I hear about the ins and outs of married and/or committed relationship life from my co-workers and friends. I wonder... Is there something ABOUT me that prevents this sort of thing from happening? Is there some kind of rancid pheromonal thing going on that keeps me from being in relationships with guys I care for and respect? I will continue to say that I'd rather be alone than be in another bad relationship. I'm fundamentally against "f*** buddies," or "friends with benefits;" not from a moral standpoint, exactly, it's more of a "been there, done that" kind of thing and the simple fact that at this point in my life it's just not what I want. I've been pursuing this guy I'm fond of somewhat aggressively for a few months now. I'm pretty sure he blew me off, and I'm giving up hope gradually. Of course, I still fantasize about how the crush would pan out (positively), but it's getting less and less as I get more and more jaded. All I really would like is to be pursued for real reasons; what I'm working with now is being pursued by one actual human being as a "friend with benefits," which isn't going to happen, and the many requests for nude photos and cybering from guys I meet online. That stuff really creeps me out. It doesn't DO anything for me and is, frankly, kind of disturbing. Plus, I don't see any long-term relationships working out from having a little bit of dirty talk with some online nutcase from 200 miles away. I would like it if someone would talk to me for a little bit and go, "Wow, she's great, I'd really like to get to know her." Or... "She's really pretty and has a good personality," or ANYTHING other than "Your a** looks really good in those jeans, can we hook up?" or whatever. It makes me feel like a leper, like, for some reason, that I'm fundamentally unworthy of any kind of positive or honest attention from a man. Maybe they're just all bastards, I don't know... Maybe I'm just not one of those girls that get "courted." Maybe I'm just not one of those girls that's considered a "good catch." Maybe I'm sending out all wrong signals, or pushing away good men, or SOMETHING. Maybe all this frustration I feel is seeping out into my everyday behavior; maybe they can sense the negativity and melancholy and anger I feel about all of this. I try to work on myself in the absense of a relationship. I hang out with my friends, I try to keep up my social activities and hobbies, I try not to isolate and focus too much on how lonely I am. It WILL pass, I have some faith. It still doesn't stop me from getting the blues from living alone for the past year, from getting the blues about lack of attention, lack of sex, lack of interest... I found myself journaling the other day about how I'm gonna die alone, and how maybe I might like that a little better than having to put up with nonsense from one of the myriad of crappy relationships that I'll just have to settle for. That's so jaded and sad... I don't want to be like that. I don't! I want to be positive, and hopeful, but every month that goes by where I'm constantly rejected, ignored, or whatever from every angle other than cheap sex just frustrates me further. I hope that something happens for me soon... I'm so tired of this. Thanks for the time you spent on reading this. If anybody can relate, or just wants to tell me to buck up I'd appreciate it.
Tragic Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Yes. I can relate. And I am IN a relationship. In this day and age, there seems to be a shortage of honest men. The world is really sagging at the seams with the hefty weight of immoral conduct. Vapid people are running rampant and debasing each others lives with apparent thrill and vigor. There doesnt seem to be any awareness of any of this as far as I can discern. Dont feel so bad- Your not missing anything right now. The relationship world is dismal and bleak and at least you can avoid filling the constant slot of playing "the fool".
norajane Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Everyone goes through a dating slump every now and then - it's really not the end of the world and it doesn't mean you're going to die alone! When you date to find someone you can really be with long term, and rule out dating just for sex or to just to be with someone, anyone, yes, the dates become fewer and you end up spending more time alone than with some guy. There's nothing wrong with that - you know what you want and anything less will fall short of making you happy. Have faith that you will meet someone eventually, and you'll at least be available and ready then rather than in a semi-ok, semi-bad relationship that you're trying to hold onto just so you're not alone.
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