gracey Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Since I found out about my husband having an affair last year, I want more. I feel if he found the energy to sneak around and wine and dine this ow he owes me. Is that wrong? When I found out he was cheating he did everything to make me happy. Now it's been a year, we haven't been out together in 6mths. I can't help feeling as if he owes me. Owes me what? I don't know. I haven't been happy for a year. I know this is wrong but I want him to constantly feel like crap for betraying me. Does anyone else feel this way. Does it go away? I should also say we don't discuss the affair. He never confessed, he just said the relationship between him and ow was wrong. The ow's H told me she confess to having sex with my h. I think about it everyday, I think he has forgotten the whole thing ever happened? How do I let him know I'm still struggling. I don't want to make him mad, but I also don't want to go on being this professional victim.
Moose Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 What I want to know is what in world are you still doing with him??? Yeah he owes you....an apology, a house, a car, and a hefty monthly check.....IMHO
outofdarkness Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 What I want to know is what in world are you still doing with him??? Yeah he owes you....an apology, a house, a car, and a hefty monthly check.....IMHO I found out about my H over two years ago...we are still together, and I still have days like you described. ALOT of MC has helped tremedously as well as Indiv. C...Sounds like the two of you need to clear the air with a professional...I still feel like my H owes me but not as often as I did say a year ago...He too...really layed it on thick right after I found out...then it sort of slacked off. It's constant effort on both sides, and it's requires a disinterested third party to mediate...My H had affair(s) for 10 years, one main one, and I am still with him...so we are out here, we just don't speak up as much as the W who leave...We do have our reasons, and not everyone will understand or respect you for it, but only you knows what's right for yourself and family...Keep your eyes and ears open, go with the feeling if you feel uneasy about something he says, does, and trust your instincts...Once I thought back throughout the years, there were signs, I just didn't recognize them, and I totally 100 percent...trusted him...We will celebrate our 20th anniv. next week...Was it worth it? You bet...I am a stronger person and I am with the person that I love more then anything in the world...So...hang in there, it gets better with time, and don't doubt yourself...
Moose Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I shouldn't have said those things so quickly. You can by rights pick up and leave.....(This would be the ONLY thing that would cause me to leave my marriage) However, you do have the opportunity to make this a much stronger marriage, even more so than before the affair..... What led to the affair? What can you do to prevent another affair? How can you build a stronger bond with your husband? Start with those three questions, seek counceling, (for yourself even if husband doesn't want to go), and google "The Five Love Languages"..... I wish you the best......
Author gracey Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 Moose that is exactly how I felt. His bags were on the front porch when he came home from work. He refused to leave. Then after the shock wore off I stayed for my four boys. I'm still here for my boys but I really don't want to end up being a bitter old women saying how I stayed in a horrible marriage for my children. I've just came to realize I'm not going anywhere, I want to have a wonderful life I don't want to waste anymore time being depressed. I do need some help in finding a way to accomplish this. Outofdarkness thank you for showing me we do have a chance to find peace.
SueBee3490 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I don't want to make him mad, but I also don't want to go on being this professional victim. Don't want to make him mad but he has the right to turn your entire world upside down by cheating? I know how you feel. I feel like everyone else that you should seek counseling. My H refuses to go to counseling, says it won't work. We are in the process of going our separate ways now. I feel if he thinks I'm worth it, then he would have been willing to go to MC. I also know what you mean by tired of being depressed and unhappy. I'm like that too and just want my old life back when I was happy and looked forward to each day. I think the only way I can be happy again is without him in my life. Even if I don't find another, I feel that being by myself is better than staying with him. I just can't get past his cheating. I feel my H owes me more too and I'm constantly dwelling on this hurt. I know it's no way to live and we are both miserable which is why I've decided we can't stay together - it will never work. I don't know how you can get past that feeling of always thinking the cheater owes you. I remind him every day in some way of what he did. Maybe the way to get past this feeling that he owes you is forgiveness. I've posted in another thread that I can't forgive my H for what he did so in some way that's why I feel he owes me. Think about it. I know there are many on LS who have repaired their marriages after infidelity and are happy now. Just look at all your options on staying or going and do what is best for you and your boys. Good luck
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