laliquel Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I am about to begin a relationship with my MM he is moving out this weekend and we have been in an emotional affair for the past 7 months. He was already in the process of seperating when I met him but I think our bond was the catalyst that helped him make the decission to go for it. He and I have had some physical contact here and there but this past weekend was the first time we made love. being so close to having a relationship start under "normal" cirumstances and what I have wanted all along (I have never been and OW before nor have I considered it, we just fell in love) I am afraid that things will change. We have an incredibily tight bond, we talk for hours on end on the phone and in person when we meet our attraction is out of this world./ Basically we are both experiencing something much much stronger than our most intense love experience in our pasts. My question is, do things change when the relationship finally starts, meaning do they change for less exciting? Are the intense feelings we have now going to suddenly dissapear? I seem to think that the reason things are so intense si because it is forbidden but that once we start dating some of that intensity will subside almost immediately. It sounds immature to say that but my lack of experience in this respect (or maybe my own fears) leads me to beleive that we are living a bit of an illusion right now? Granted all rels change from the honey moon stage to the next stage but that is not what I am referring to. I mean do things change drastically when the rel becomes finally attainable? If anyone would like to share their own experiences in this respect I would find it quite insightful.
Autumns Genevieve Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 If anyone would like to share their own experiences in this respect I would find it quite insightful. I can't speak from personal experience, but I know from the research I've done re: affairs, that usually, yes, the excitement is over once the affair is no longer an affair - when it becomes a relationship. The person who initiated the affair will seek out someone else, because they like the excitement, secrecy, or perhaps just the feeling of entitlement. It's a turn on, in some cases. But this is usually the case with a "repeat" offender - somneone who has a history of being in affairs. I know, with me, that was very true. I liked the excitement, the sneaking around. (However, I am NOT a repeat offender. I had one affair, and one only.) However, your situation doesn't sound like a typical affair. He was leaving already, #1, so his relationship with you wasn't ever really secret, is that right? I mean, perhaps keeping you on the side while he went through his divorce is one thing, but it's not the same as a bonefide affair, to me. JMO. Also, #2, he is leaving his house and coming to yours, also correct? So, it's pretty obvious that he wants to be in a relationship with you, in the open, without hiding anything. I may be getting the facts wrong, but I think I'm on to it. I'd have to say that you guys are just going to experience the normal highs and lows of typical relationships, not the traits of affairs that turn into relationships. Unless, of course, he (or you) have a history of cheating, and then it's a totally different ball of wax. Good luck, I hope it all works out ok.
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