Childish?

[bridget]

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but it seems fitting.

 

I split from a guy a couple of weeks ago after a fairly short but intense relationship; basically he was a bit of a deadbeat loser, but those are the ones I always hitch my wagon to - so no surprises there. It ended after we had a conversation on a night out in front of his friends in which he said "you're beautiful but you have no personality". That would be in comparison to his sparkling wit, charm and character, I'm sure.

 

Anyway, I've been on a few dates since, am kinda interested in someone new who is very interested in me and is really someone I could see myself pursuing a relationship with. I've had the odd text conversation with my ex (mostly about how I can change to be a better girlfriend, ha ha) but haven't seen him in three weeks and don't actually have any desire to... which is unusual for me in terms of my post-break-up etiquette.

 

However, I will almost definitely be seeing him tomorrow night. It's one of his friend's 30th birthday and while we're not exactly best mates, the friend called me up and asked me to pop by. I said I wasn't really comfortable with the idea since I'm pretty sure he'll have been blabbing all kinds of s hite about my lacking personality etc etc (oh, the things I could say about him!) and don't really want to be confronted with him and all his cronies. So I said I'd see him (the birthday boy) later that night at the club we all frequent as I am going with my girlfriends anyway. So since I have known that they are all going to the club I am of a completely single-minded nature about how I'm going to show him what he's lost etc, I have an absolutely killer outfit which I know looks hot as hell (not to toot my own horn, it honestly does) and am going to make the utmost effort with my appearance while looking as if I've just rolled out of the house. I'm just wondering if my actual behaviour will let me down. I'm feeling so confident about seeing him and blowing him off as some kind of final "getting over it" stage, I'm not going to drink much as I know that is almost guaranteed to make me say daft things, but I was talking to a friend at work this morning and she says that this goes to show I'm not over him at all and it is completely childish behaviour. To be honest, I guess since I haven't seen him since I can't know if I'm totally over it, but this is definitely a desire borne out of spite (not good in itself, I know) rather than any desire to get back with him. That is NEVER EVER going to happen, nor do I want it to.

 

Basically wondering if anyone else has stories about the first time they saw their ex in a social setting post-break up? It's normal to want to blow their socks off, right? Or am I a raging psychopath/childish freak who should lock themselves in the house rather than venture out this Friday night? When I see him should I blank him or do the cool, collected "hi, good to see you" bull****... I'm definitely veering toward the latter.

 

Oh, and I know it's shallow to attach so much to looking great physically when I see him, but since that's his language I'm damn well going to speak it. He is an ugly troll, by the way, so I have no worries about him showing up and WOWing me with his fantastic new look or anything like that.

[the patient]

I hate to say it, but i also agree with your peer. If you were truly over him you wouldn't care and you wouldn't be putting so much thought into running into him at a bar, or trying to impress him/ making him jealous. From my own peronal experiences i'd say it's probably best to avoid the situation all together. See, i had a run in with my ex at a bar about a month ago after going NC for 2 months prior. It crushed me, she ended up not acknowledging me the entire night and i ended up humiliating myself by txt'ing her while she was at the bar.

 

I was crushed and it felt like i restarted the whole 'breaking up' process all over again. All, i can say with regards to you running into your ex is, keep a level head, if you really want to go through with this, don't have any expectations, don't think like he's going to see you and fall in love with you all over again, because it won't happen. Don't endanger yourself, because running into ex's hurt and if anything does go down it's likely to be something you're better off not knowing. Don't be vulnerable in this environment, know that if things don't feel right you can always leave and go to another bar. It's really not worth restarting the whole healing process again, believe you me.

[yourshawty_69]

Your friend is correct. If you had no feelings left for the man, then you would not care if he was looking at you. I was told awhile ago that if I was truely over someone.. I would not want to cause them pain.. I would not feel anger towards them.. I wouldnt feel anything towards them. Perhaps you should just let him know what he had done to upset you... Then move on to find someone who deserves you. There is always bigger and better.