BlueEyedGirl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 From reading threads on here, people tend to concetrate on improving themselves when it comes to meeting someone. Things like trying to look more attractive, trying to act more confident, to be more outgoing, trying to resolve psychological issues etc. That is all well and good, but I can't help wondering if we are just scared to admit that meeting that "special someone" is down to luck or fate more than anything. After all, it's much more comforting to think that everything is in our control. I really beleive that what it comes down to is just simply being at the right place at the right time. My mum met my dad when she one day decided to go fishing even though she never went before. She joined her younger brother and it was completly last minute decision. If she didn't go that day, I'm about 99.9% sure they would have never met (my dad was visiting her city for one day only). They have been together for 30+ years. There are many, many similar stories. This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)?
Cheshire Cat Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)? You might not have been lucky enough (yet!) to meet the right person at the right time, but you don't have to leave it in the hands of Luck. You still have the option to go out more often, hang out in different environments, go somewhere where you can meet new people - this way you'll actively increase your chances of meeting someone. Anyway be nice to lucky rabbits (and to other small fluffy cuddly animals.) Just in case. Expecially if they are the beloved pets of some nice, smart, handsome guy.
Ripples Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I can't believe in luck, fate, fortune etc. I think we do have control of our lives and that's not a comfort factor, at all. Infact, I think that people seek comfort out of being able to blame fate, luck, their star sign. It's much easier to not have to take the blame oneself for things not working out. So it was a million to one chance your mother and father meeting. Maybe it was, maybe they would have met some time or place else, maybe they each would have met someone who suited them even better
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 Yeah but say when it comes to work, I'm always getting lucky breaks I don't even deserve. Five years ago, I applied for a fantastic job and there were over 2000 applicants. In the end I got the job. I really don't think that I'm that smart, that capable, that talented, to deserve to be the one out of 2000. But I was lucky. Few yeats later, I applied for another job and went for an interview and didn't get it. Few months later a man from that company called me to offer me the job that was even better than the one I applied for and didn't get. Again, extremly lucky. It's like with work I can do no wrong. It always works out for me. With love life on the other hand, it always goes wrong. Even when it looks like it's going to work out, when all the odds are in my favour, it always ends up falling apart.
Ripples Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Lucky? Nah, you're just better than you give yourself credit for. Maybe we (I include myself in that too), need to find a way to look more objectively at ourselves instead of thinking fate has any influence on situations. Nothing seems to improve until we apply ourselves, I know I haven't achieved anything positive without having had to apply myself, to a lesser or greater extent. Likewise, all the bad stuff that's happened to me, yes, I've had an influence on that too. For example, people who suffer some sort of trauma and who have a positive mental attitude achieve better recovery than those that don't. I don't feel that its necessary for one to have to work really, really hard at this all the time. Sometimes it can be quite natural to be able to apply oneself, just like you with work
Sally00 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Luck does play a part in it. But I don't like to call it luck. I call it fate. God works in mysterious ways and will bring you to that special someone. One time, my brother was playing HALO with his friend. I wanted to show his friend how good I was so I played him one game and left. Then the very next day, I went on the computer and played HALO again. Out of hundreds of servers... we were in the EXACT SAME GAME. I recognized his screename. We started talking online, eventually met in person, and hit it off. We're not going out anymore, but we're still great friends. That was fate. We were MEANT to run into each other again. Weird huh?
SmoochieFace Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I think we do have control of our lives and that's not a comfort factor, at all. I disagree with this. When dealing with other people you do not have 'control' over the situation. You cannot make someone like you or love you so you really do not have any real control in this instance. So, to me, it is luck.
electric_sheep Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Luck, chance, randomness ... I believe these things play an enormous role in all aspects of our lives, including work and relationships. Chance and randomness are not the only factors at work in the universe though. If you never apply for that job, you are unlikely to get it, for example. Or if you don't ask that girl out, it's unlikely you will ever kiss her. Think of life this way ... chance and randomness constantly throw you into new situations and the unpredictable ... then, once in those situations, you only have control over how you react. You may try and fall back on your past experiences for guidance. Sometimes this works ... other times chance has the last laugh, and throws you a curve ball. Regardless, what else can one do ? Ignoring the past and all your experiences when making decisions would be a crazy way to live your life. It just might work though, you never know. By the way, what is Luck really ? Luck is simply what we call "chance" when it works out in our favor. Personally I don't believe in fate, and I don't believe God has any predetermined path for any of us. Even if he does, that certainly doesn't mean it's going to be a path we want to be on ... just look at all the miserable people in the world. Either way, from a practical viewpoint, chance and fate are essentially identical ... crazy, unpredictable stuff is going to be thrown our way (unpredictable to us, anyway). When someone is run over by a bus, does it really matter if it was fate or chance ?
dgiirl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I really beleive that what it comes down to is just simply being at the right place at the right time. AND right mindset. This is why people say focus on yourself. Too many people get discouraged at being single that they give off desperate negative vibes. This will surely keep other people away. You cannot control the place. You cannot control the time. The only thing you can control is your mindset. And you need all three for a relationship.
ellandroader Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 When it comes to luck, I have this kind of mindest. You need a bit of luck, or good fortune if you will, but you have to put yourself in the position to receive it. For example, if I play a sport, and I don't get myself forward, I am not going to score any points or a goal. Just like you won't win the lottery if you don't enter. So I guess if (like me) you struggle to meet the right one, they say that you should keep trying. I joined more clubs and activities, talked to more girls and such and it helped to meet people, and a few dates came from that so maybe it rings true that you need a bit of luck to trigger a relationship.
doppelganger Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Yeah but say when it comes to work, I'm always getting lucky breaks I don't even deserve. Five years ago, I applied for a fantastic job and there were over 2000 applicants. In the end I got the job. I really don't think that I'm that smart, that capable, that talented, to deserve to be the one out of 2000. But I was lucky. Few yeats later, I applied for another job and went for an interview and didn't get it. Few months later a man from that company called me to offer me the job that was even better than the one I applied for and didn't get. Again, extremly lucky. It's like with work I can do no wrong. It always works out for me. With love life on the other hand, it always goes wrong. Even when it looks like it's going to work out, when all the odds are in my favour, it always ends up falling apart... . . ...This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)? I too think that you are better than you give yourself credit for. i used to think i would be single the rest of my life. and i was ok with that, so i thought. i was young at the time and stupid as hell though. then one day early in college i thought, ahhh, frack it, i'm gonna ask out that girl in english i've been checking out. the new mindset was refreshing, and that girl ended up as the gf for years to come. maybe it was luck/chance that she was in my class, but it was my own attitude that brought us together. and that was the first gf. anyways, what if you're not lucky at love? what if you're never at the right place at the right time? what if you're destined to be alone?... what if you're giving off this negative, pity me, vibe that, as a guy, i don't want to be around? anyways, buck up. don't let this recent MM issue (from your other thread) bring you down. i wouldn't even say that it ended up 'falling apart' since there was nothing there to begin with. I have this friend who weeds out the regular guys before they even get to the audition. he's too young... he's too old... wrong race... he only makes $20/hr... he didn't tell me he was divorced before (didn't even go on a date with that one, why would she expect to be told this) yup, she's still single folks. is she 'destined' to be single for the rest of her life? who knows, but you can only narrow down the playing field so much. and you don't meet much new people when all you do is work and watch asian dramas all day. in any case, IIRC, you're only 25, i don't think you're old enough to say that you're destined to stay alone. just go out and have fun. if you're 55 and 'still' alone, then you can say something like that. You got a good 5 years until you're 30. Freak out a month before your 30th birthday, for now, just go out meet new people and have fun. try new things and just get out there. Luck is simply what we call "chance" when it works out in our favor. electric sheep- i love your statement. my $0.02
db75 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 My personal opinion is luck plays some factor in every aspect of our lives, not just as it applies to romance/relationships.
alphamale Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 there is a lot of luck involved BEG but you can increase your chances a bit...an example would be getting out more often. your chances of staying at home and meeting someone are about 0% but the chances get better soon as you step our your door.
pricillia Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 From reading threads on here, people tend to concetrate on improving themselves when it comes to meeting someone. Things like trying to look more attractive, trying to act more confident, to be more outgoing, trying to resolve psychological issues etc. That is all well and good, but I can't help wondering if we are just scared to admit that meeting that "special someone" is down to luck or fate more than anything. After all, it's much more comforting to think that everything is in our control. I really beleive that what it comes down to is just simply being at the right place at the right time. My mum met my dad when she one day decided to go fishing even though she never went before. She joined her younger brother and it was completly last minute decision. If she didn't go that day, I'm about 99.9% sure they would have never met (my dad was visiting her city for one day only). They have been together for 30+ years. There are many, many similar stories. This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)? Ok this is personal experience but... You want to keep yourself looking attractive, and be confident as you said, but is is also opening yourself up to new opportunities which allow you to meet new people.
RecordProducer Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)? If you're never at the right place at the right time meeting the right people then something is NOT RIGHT... I didn't like anyone from my former city until I started looking elsewhere. I put my profile on an international dating site and guys from the US started hitting on me like crazy appreciating all the things that no one in my country did (I was a foreigner there, too, by the way so I felt unadapted my whole life). While in my own city, nobody even asked me on a date, I had two relationships with guys who traveled just for me all the way from the US to south-east Europe and a few more who offered to. I married the second one and he IS what I was looking for. I also love the US and know that I couldn't find the right guy for me in my country. So in my case it was changing the environment, not myself, and not bad luck in love.
Zankon Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 OK I announced the break up tonight... it hurts but I ll survive... I can't deal with this crappy relationship anymore... a lie over a lie + all this ****. I can take the pressure anymore... This is really weird because just 3 weeks ago our relationship was unbelievable so much fun and laughter and ... whatever.
Zankon Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 sorry last post wasn't supposed to be here... my mistake
alphamale Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 and know that I couldn't find the right guy for me in my country. the "right guy" was a guy with money and US citizenship?
mental_traveller Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 From reading threads on here, people tend to concetrate on improving themselves when it comes to meeting someone. Things like trying to look more attractive, trying to act more confident, to be more outgoing, trying to resolve psychological issues etc. That is all well and good, but I can't help wondering if we are just scared to admit that meeting that "special someone" is down to luck or fate more than anything. After all, it's much more comforting to think that everything is in our control. I really beleive that what it comes down to is just simply being at the right place at the right time. My mum met my dad when she one day decided to go fishing even though she never went before. She joined her younger brother and it was completly last minute decision. If she didn't go that day, I'm about 99.9% sure they would have never met (my dad was visiting her city for one day only). They have been together for 30+ years. There are many, many similar stories. This leads me to ask, what if you simply aren't lucky in love as silly as it sounds? You are never quite at the right place at the right time and you never meet people that are quite right for you. What if some of us are destined to stay alone (as depressing as that sounds)? Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. So, prepare as much as you can (work out, dress well, have a good career, get experience with the opposite sex etc), and try to maximise your opportunities (meet lots of people, chat up every attractive person you see, join a dating site AND try to pick up girls/guys at bars and coffee shops). In no time your friends will be wondering how your "luck" took a turn for the better.
mental_traveller Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 If you're never at the right place at the right time meeting the right people then something is NOT RIGHT... I didn't like anyone from my former city until I started looking elsewhere. I put my profile on an international dating site and guys from the US started hitting on me like crazy appreciating all the things that no one in my country did (I was a foreigner there, too, by the way so I felt unadapted my whole life). While in my own city, nobody even asked me on a date, I had two relationships with guys who traveled just for me all the way from the US to south-east Europe and a few more who offered to. I married the second one and he IS what I was looking for. I also love the US and know that I couldn't find the right guy for me in my country. So in my case it was changing the environment, not myself, and not bad luck in love. Fascinating. Do you mind telling us what aspects went unappreciated at "home", and were popular in the US? I have a possible idea but would be interested to know!
RecordProducer Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 the "right guy" was a guy with money and US citizenship? That, too! Actually I turned down a guy with a US citizenship who proposed to me when I just started a relationship with my husband. The ex guy loved me but was cold to my kids and I left him. I didn't know I would marry my husband at the time... So it really wasn't for what you stated. It was his dick I fell for. Fascinating. Do you mind telling us what aspects went unappreciated at "home", and were popular in the US? I have a possible idea but would be interested to know!Well back at home, I just felt that no one appreciated my mind and only bad catches hit on me which made me very insecure. I came to the point where I actually thought I seemed defective if all these terrible men would think that they had any chances with me. I've had co-workers with open sexual offers (almost all of them), a boss who tried to hook me up with his 76-year old friend as an escort (I left the job after 9 days), etc... you get the picture. The American men are very meek and sweet, respectful and nice-mannered. I lived in Serbia, but I am not Serbian. Women there overall are considered less of humans than men. A woman without a guy in the house is not protected. It's a jungle low-class type of mentality in which I never fit. I would regularly get offended by awful people treating me in awful, disrespectful ways. So it came to the point where if I would meet 10 people in a certain period of time, 6 would be total asses, 3 would be total losers and later turn out to be asses and the last one I would just know must be an ass too if I'd scratch the surface a little. Altogether, I felt like a bird living in a mud with frogs trying to persuade me that I am not good cuz I can't jump and qwack-qwack like them. And I wanted to fly... Most people were very rude by default and the mentality favors those who can fool you and use you. In the US, the people are very kind and pleasant and except for some members of my husband's family (who by the way immigrated to the US from different countries), everyone has been very nice to me. I really feel like this is finally my home country where I belong and feel like a fish in water.
MadDog Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 I think luck is a huge part of it. You can be a totally cool guy or girl but it doesn't increase your chances of meeting that someone who is a great match for you. I think what it comes down to is that it's really difficult from a statistical standpoint to meet someone special. If you are cool (e.g. no a weirdo), then things can work out for you if/when you meet that someone. Unless you've completely socially isolated yourself, then I think "putting yourself out there" has little effect on your chances. Love is like playing the lottery.
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