It's_Me_Again Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 This is gonna be a bit long winded but I really need you guys to understand so I can get the best advice so here goes. I met this guy and we started seeing each other casually just for sex. At first we both didn't have any feelings for each other. But as time grew on the feelings changed. Time and time again we called off our "meetings" and took time off from each other to let the attachment pass. Eventually we stopped taking time off from each other but then thats when we'd start to get really short with each other and start little fights instead of talking out what we really were feeling. So now we've been on again off again for roughly 2 years now. Lately we've been really open with each other and discussed why we fought which was because we were both getting attached but we just never said anything to each other about it. So I asked him outright if he wanted to start dating but he keeps telling me he doesn't know because of all the fights we had. So I decided to cool it and just let a little time pass. So since that conversation he's been a bit more open but then he all of a sudden completely closes off. I haven't been pressuring him or bringing up the topic. I do really really like him so I am willing to give him all the space he needs. But I am just so confused. I've asked for advice from friends, some tell me to move on. While others tell me that sometimes guys do shutdown when they really like someone out of fear of getting hurt. So what should I do?
Hitman10000 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 You both do love each other and deserve to be in a good relationship. But it might not be a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship with which both of you are a part of. Relationships have different definitions, while your friends may be right. Ride out the storm, but see other people too cause your happiness matters most. It's kinda like being stuck in a job which you don't particularly like, you keep sending resumes and having job interviews secretly.
Author It's_Me_Again Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 I think I may love him. But I have absolutly no idea what he's feeling on his end. When we did talk about the fact that we were both getting attached, he said it was hard for him to admit it but he never said why. I dunno if he was afraid of rejection or what but I basically told him flat out that I have feelings for him and that I liked him. I told him I wouldn't be able to have sex with him without getting attached so we agreed to just hang out and see how it goes. BTW this is kind of a long distance thing. He lives about 2 hours away from me right now. We used to see each other bout twice a month and hang out for a weekend.
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 It seems like there has been a lot of damage to the relationship with the fighting and ongoing on again off again. Sometimes damage like that destroys the possibility of a healthy romantic relationship. It seems like he is not willing at this point to be in a relationship with you. He may be afraid because of the fights, etc. or he may just be using that as his excuse to not be your boyfriend. It sucks either way. I wouldn't pursue anything with him since you already put it all out there with how yu feel about him and everything. Meet and date new guys and remove him from your list of possibilities. If he comes around after a while, then you can see how you feel at that point. With all of the back-and-forth you may have lost a little bit of yourself. A little of the pizazz or strength he and other guys would be attracted to initially. The only way to get that back is start focusing on making yourself happy and not worrying about him.
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