michelle7777 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 hello i am 23 years old and i have been engaged for 2 years. however my fiance lives in another country so i dont see him that often but i know that he is the one for me. now i have this kid who finds me attractive and i find him attractive too and deep down i know this attraction is not going to take us anywhere because i know im going to get married to my fiance in the future and he has a girl that he might propose to as well. i really want to remaim being friends with him but i just have these feelings for him and so does he for me. we ended up kissing each other but thats it. did i do anything bad?? what should i do?? can it be friends with benefits?? im not completely comitted just engaged so someone help me here??
Michael86 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 hello i am 23 years old and i have been engaged for 2 years. however my fiance lives in another country so i dont see him that often but i know that he is the one for me. now i have this kid who finds me attractive and i find him attractive too and deep down i know this attraction is not going to take us anywhere because i know im going to get married to my fiance in the future and he has a girl that he might propose to as well. i really want to remaim being friends with him but i just have these feelings for him and so does he for me. we ended up kissing each other but thats it. did i do anything bad?? what should i do?? can it be friends with benefits?? im not completely comitted just engaged so someone help me here?? You've been engaged for 2 years and you say you're not completely committed? Are you kidding? I don't think you know what committment is. Are you ready to throw away your relationship to your fiance, a man you say is the one for you, for a kid who you think can be a friend with benefits? You've already crossed the line big time by kissing him. You have a decision to make here. Either grow up and forget this kid or be honest with your fiance and let him go before he really gets hurt. Maybe you're just not ready for marriage. I'm curious. How old is this "kid" you're attracted to?
michelle7777 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 been engaged for 1 year actually and he is 22 yrs old.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 In my opinion, 23 is way too young to not only be engaged, but engaged to someone who is in another country! How long will he be there? Is he coming back soon? How often do you see each other? Do you know, in your heart of hearts, that he is absolutely the one for you? I got engaged at 19 to my high school sweetheart. I was way too young, and thankfully, we had a farily long engagement (actually we never really set the date). I found myself being attracted to other people, wanting to go out with my friends, etc. I fought it for a long time, thought I was being selfish, thought I was supposed to marry this boy because he was my "first", my parents were high school sweethearts, so I just thought this was what I was supposed to do, you know? Finally, when I was 21, I got the courage to break it off. It was really, REALLY hard but I never regretted it. The only thing I regret is that I didn't do it sooner and that I missed out on some parts of life, and that I walked around with so much unnecessary guilt! The hardest lesson for me to learn was that until you can be true to yourself, you can't really be true to anyone else. Don't know if any of this applies to you, or if it even helps. But I think I can kind of relate to what you're going through.
RecordProducer Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 You are so young, you're not even aware how much you don't know about yourself yet. I got married when I was 23 and made a mistake. I got engaged when I was 20 and at the time this guy lived in another country (prior to that we were dating for 5 years and lived in the same city). While I was in Paris, I kissed one guy I didn't have feelings for, liked my English teacher and thought "Oh, why is he married?" and had a petting session with a good friend and desired him sexually a lot. I came back home and a few months later I ended the relationship with the "fiancé." I realized that my love for him was only because of the distance; I forgot all his faults while I was away from him. If you have feelings for another guy and kissed him, I truly doubt that your love for your fiancé is true and you may regret marrying him if you marry him some day. Commitment is not made on paper; it's made in our hearts. And you don't feel that you're fully committed!
Punjabski Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Don't get too caught up in something that you are going to regret. If you really love your fiance and it's a good thing then don't mess it up. I am engaged to a man who lives all the way across the United States. He moved me home to be around my family while I was pregnant. We are building a house in Florida that has taken longer than expected so he travels to see me. I got into a similiar situation after bumping into an old high school sweetheart and discussed it with my fiance. He told me that he didn't want me to be scared to have friends and that all he can do is be the best person he can be in hopes that I want only him. It's really easy to get caught up in the moment but most of the time it is only a moment. Who is at the finish line after the long run? Don't be scared to have friends but if you have already kissed him it is already more than that. That temptation is there and odds are that it won't go away. Good luck to you!
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 You say: "i know this attraction is not going to take us anywhere because i know im going to get married to my fiance in the future and he has a girl that he might propose to as well" I don't think you are getting married. He might propose to someone else? It is a really bad sign if your fiance gets engaged to someone else if he is engaged to you. Probably shouldn't marry him. Besides that, you aren't committed. If you were, you wouldn't be kissing other guys at all. You are young. And by your post you have a lot of living to do before you should think about getting married. It is a nice dreamy idea, love, marraige, and the whole living happily ever after thing. But REALITY is it is saying you are going to live the rest of your lives together and you have an awfully long way to go at this point. Think about it -- really think for a minute - the rest of your life is the next 50 or 60+ years at least at this point. How much has happened in your life in the last 2 or 3 years? Now imagine how much can happen in the next 20. You've got a lot of living to do before you pledge your life to anyone.
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 hello i am 23 years old and i have been engaged for 2 years. however my fiance lives in another country so i dont see him that often but i know that he is the one for me. now i have this kid who finds me attractive and i find him attractive too and deep down i know this attraction is not going to take us anywhere because i know im going to get married to my fiance in the future and he has a girl that he might propose to as well. i really want to remaim being friends with him but i just have these feelings for him and so does he for me. we ended up kissing each other but thats it. did i do anything bad?? what should i do?? can it be friends with benefits?? im not completely comitted just engaged so someone help me here?? You completely contradict yourself in your post. How can you "know" your fiance is the one for you, yet you say you're not completely committed to him, just engaged. How can you kiss someone else, have feelings for them and wonder if that's bad? You obviously are lonely and miss your fiance alot, otherwise you wouldn't be seeking attention from another guy. Flirting is one thing, but kissing and letting yourself have feelings for him is WRONG. You CANNOT be FWB with this guy! Unless you tell your fiance what is going on and let him do the same thing seeing as you two are far apart. How would YOU feel if you found out your husband to be is having sex with another woman? Just take that into consideration before you make a mistake. At 23, you're still young and to me, it sounds like you're not ready for marriage. At all.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 You're so young...I got married at the same age as you are now...I thought I knew that he was "the one" too (I'm divorced now)...if you already want to do FWB there is no way you're ready for marriage...end the engagement and see what dating is like...leave marriage for when you're really ready...and worry about being 23...
michelle7777 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Im indian. my parents support the engagement and i wouldnt break it off because i wouldnt find someone like him and it would give a bad reputation to my family. yes i am feeling lonely and i only get to see him twice/3 times a year. its the distance that made me just kiss him and thats it. nothing more then that and i wouldnt ever have sex with him. definately not. also he is the one who came forward and kissed me.
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