Island Girl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Okay -- I might end up being completely misunderstood and bashed for this but here goes -- The nice guys who usually say this stuff about women liking jerks, well, are usually the ones that are "too nice". The guys that will or has let a woman walk all over them. Sorry - but it has been true in my experience. It goes for girls too. There are girls out there who put up with bad treatment as well. People throw their pride and self-respect under the bus and put up with horrible behavior. Then they are suprised when they are cheated on or dumped. No one wants to be with someone that they have no respect for unless they are just using them for whatever they can get. And then it is just a matter of time before it is over. Why be with someone who treats you badly? Low self-esteem, unhealthy relationships they witnessed as children, systematic breakdown where the treatment didn't start out that way but little things very gradually became big things, etc. These all may be factors. I have dated nice guys who still had a very strong sense of themselves and had a clear line of what they would and wouldn't put up with. These are not the guys I am talking about. I am talking about the guys that are whipped in the true sense of the word. Some of my girl friends are like this as well. Yet I have other friends who become doormats in relationships. The first sign is the excuses that come when they are explaining the horrible treatment. If you start reaching for excuses for why they are treating you badly (consistently badly) it is a HUGE red flag. That is a sign you are losing yourself. And I have heard guys do it too. Not all relationships work out but it doesn't have to become huge heartache and drama all the time. If that is a pattern in a person's relationships, then the problem more than likely should be solved from within.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Agreed. I hate guys who are that in love with themselves they automatically think they are some kind of God or something.... No offence Rooster DAR, but band members are the worse offenders. I went out with a guy who was a drummer in a band and I soon realised he was nothing but a self-obsessed bi-sexual! ...(not saying that you're a bi, but....he was pretty far up himself!!) I'm not offended, but you labeled me as full of myself. I was very confident however, and there is a big difference. Okay, I may have been full of myself for a short period, but I was humbled by a beautiful young lady who later broke my fu**ng heart. I think that was her ultimate goal. D'oh!
Rooster_DAR Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 many moms fill their daughter's heads with fantasies of the knight in shining armour on a white horse, blah blah....and on the other side of the coin many moms tell thier sons to be "nice guys" and defer to women. both are falacies. Okay Alpha, you and I are starting to agree more and more. This is something I think that everyone can agree on.
Akasha Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 What if he's not a jerk but he is an attractive confident man... which turns out to be your ex, whom you haven't seen in years and although, you both have changed over the years, in some ways.... there is still a some connection.... he's been hurt, you've been hurt.... he has a great sense of humor and so do you... What then? Bad to mix with the ex or good?
ellandroader Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Almost every girl I have been attracted to has turned out to be a "train wreck" of sorts....always with abusive boyfriends or manipulative ones. I meet them and they warm to me straight away, then it fizzles out. They had low self-esteem as well, and then they either seemed to bracket me in with them or just enjoyed being looked after for a bit before buggering off to another "jerk". (Sorry, we brits don't tend to use that word so it feels odd typing it!) I don't get it either. I feel sorry for girls when they feel that low about themselves because a lot of times, they have some really good qualities that guys can see.
serial muse Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Almost every girl I have been attracted to has turned out to be a "train wreck" of sorts....always with abusive boyfriends or manipulative ones. I meet them and they warm to me straight away, then it fizzles out. They had low self-esteem as well, and then they either seemed to bracket me in with them or just enjoyed being looked after for a bit before buggering off to another "jerk". (Sorry, we brits don't tend to use that word so it feels odd typing it!) I don't get it either. I feel sorry for girls when they feel that low about themselves because a lot of times, they have some really good qualities that guys can see. sigh. you're just said that you're attracted to these particular women. as burning4revenge pointed out (thank you!), some men are attracted to b*tches, just like some women are attracted to jerks. so if you're gonna ponder this eternal question, might as well dissect why you're attracted to these train wrecks, too, while you're at it. I can't comment on yet again, another why women like jerks. So many threads about this. i'm with ya, WWIU! blah blah blee.
ellandroader Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Serial Muse - Actually I just re-read what I wrote and it didn't come out as I thought. That said, I did say "turned out", I don't prey on girls with problems as you insinuate. Also, I am more attracted to the personality, and odds are that the nicer girls, the sweeter ones are the types that get abused more, as with guys in the opposite scenario. That's what I meant, try not to take it out of context if you will.
serial muse Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Serial Muse - Actually I just re-read what I wrote and it didn't come out as I thought. That said, I did say "turned out", I don't prey on girls with problems as you insinuate. Also, I am more attracted to the personality, and odds are that the nicer girls, the sweeter ones are the types that get abused more, as with guys in the opposite scenario. That's what I meant, try not to take it out of context if you will. perhaps you could do the same, ellandroader. i'm sure you're stung, but reread your post. it was a typical bitter "nice guy" post - that is, not very nice at all, and rather misogynistic. i did read your other thread, as a matter of fact. and i certainly never insinuated that you "prey" on anybody. what nonsense. your comment was not about "nicer, sweeter girls" - instead, you yourself devalued them as "train wrecks" who eventually "bugger" off to another jerk. how am i taking that out of context?
IWalkAlone Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 It is too simplistic to say "women like jerks." As my sister once tried to explain to me, "Women aren't attracted to jerks But the men they're attracted to ARE jerks." Of course, some women ARE attracted to jerks. Women who grew up in abusive households are often drawn to abusive relationships. And then there is the woman who was on Dr. Phil last week who was in love with a prison inmate convicted of MURDERING HER BROTHER! That example really goes beyond "jerk." Women generally are attracted to confidence, but many women confuse arrogance, aggressiveness and inflated ego with confidence. Conversely, many men beleive that if they are sensitive and understanding that women will be attracted to that. But many women perceive these qualities as feminine, and those men go into the friend zone. Also, don't discount physical attractiveness. If man who is very good looking will have women coming to him regardless of what his personality is like.
blind_otter Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I dunno, man. Historically, I date dirtbags. But I would be reluctant to label all men as dirtbags -- because I know that they aren't. I'm fully aware that I am the common denominator amongst all the dirtbags I've dated, so there must be something about ME that makes me tend to be attracted to said dirtbags. I'm just saying.
ellandroader Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 perhaps you could do the same, ellandroader. i'm sure you're stung, but reread your post. it was a typical bitter "nice guy" post - that is, not very nice at all, and rather misogynistic. i did read your other thread, as a matter of fact. and i certainly never insinuated that you "prey" on anybody. what nonsense. your comment was not about "nicer, sweeter girls" - instead, you yourself devalued them as "train wrecks" who eventually "bugger" off to another jerk. how am i taking that out of context? Ok, that's fair enough. I apologise, my mistake. I can assure you I am not bitter but it doesn't read well, I admit. I never set out to devalue anybody or anything like that. I am just raised to be somewhat honest and it often comes off as something else.
Yamaha Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Women like jerks, players because they know how to involve a womens romantic and sexual imagination. They are very good at communicating the things that women want to hear and makes sure she knows about his sexual interest. They also know which women to approach and do not spend their time on a women who has no interest. They are confident, spontaneous and unpredictable. They play into a womens romantic dreams. The disadvantage of a jerk; he's not long term but by the time women learn this they are hooked.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Women like jerks, players because they know how to involve a womens romantic and sexual imagination. They are very good at communicating the things that women want to hear and makes sure she knows about his sexual interest. They also know which women to approach and do not spend their time on a women who has no interest. They are confident, spontaneous and unpredictable. They play into a womens romantic dreams. The disadvantage of a jerk; he's not long term but by the time women learn this they are hooked. And that is exactly the point I was trying to make. Moral, don't be too nice of a guy, and don't be an extreme jerk unless all you want to do is get laid. LOL
pricillia Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Women like jerks, players because they know how to involve a womens romantic and sexual imagination. They are very good at communicating the things that women want to hear and makes sure she knows about his sexual interest. They also know which women to approach and do not spend their time on a women who has no interest. They are confident, spontaneous and unpredictable. They play into a womens romantic dreams. The disadvantage of a jerk; he's not long term but by the time women learn this they are hooked. Maybe this is true, but not in every case. Again men think that I are not transparent and they are. If the women wants to be with him in a sexual way then she will be. Ok at least that is true for me. Don't think just because you flatter me, I will fall head over heals so to speak. Yes and jerks also make fools of themselves. Hey I love men but as far as aggressive men, or men who try to hard... Get out of my face, that is not what I say but that is what I think. I like a guy who is just himself, someone that I can joke around with and is down to earth. I don't know ladies was there a time that you were with a jerk but did not know that he was a jerk and then it was too late. ( and you could not get rid of him) LOL How can you not know if someone is a jerk or not.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Maybe this is true, but not in every case. Again men think that I are not transparent and they are. If the women wants to be with him in a sexual way then she will be. Ok at least that is true for me. Don't think just because you flatter me, I will fall head over heals so to speak. Yes and jerks also make fools of themselves. Hey I love men but as far as aggressive men, or men who try to hard... Get out of my face, that is not what I say but that is what I think. I like a guy who is just himself, someone that I can joke around with and is down to earth. I don't know ladies was there a time that you were with a jerk but did not know that he was a jerk and then it was too late. ( and you could not get rid of him) LOL How can you not know if someone is a jerk or not. Again Pricilla, we are talking about a certain breed of women. You are an exception to this rule, and are the kind of person I would consider a lifetime with. Pricilla= Maturity, Sexy, Intelligent, dignified, balanced
pricillia Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 ok thank-you Rooster Dar... continue your discussion...
Sand&Water Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Women Like Jerks... Moral, don't be too nice of a guy, and don't be an extreme jerk unless all you want to do is get laid. Believable. The truth is out there, and you are right Dar, to an extent. Nice guys are jerks. And jerks are jerks. That's all there is to it. So, women you just have to find the 'right' jerk. Sand&Water
pricillia Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Women Like Jerks... Believable. The truth is out there, and you are right Dar, to an extent. Nice guys are jerks. And jerks are jerks. That's all there is to it. So, women you just have to find the 'right' jerk. Sand&Water So it goes... women are bitches... men just have to find the right bitch... (just being playfull).....
fishtaco Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 This is my theory. First hooking up vs. keeping a relationship are two different issues, and are completely different games. This is about hooking up. Being a nice guy is like being good at math. Sure you may meet that one woman out of a million that wets her panties if you can do calculus standing on your head, but most of the women will be... okay, that's nice *stare blankly off into distance*, and that's about as much reaction you'll get. So nice-guy-ness MAY help for specific situations, but most of the time, it won't do you any good. But at the same time, it will prevent you from using certain tactics that jerks have no problem using, and make you try to "do the right thing", which a lot of the times basically translates into you won't be getting any of that. So it's like fighting a cage fight where you aren't allowed to head butt and kick to the groin, but the other person can. Given similar fighing capabilities, guess who's more likely to win? On top of that a lot of "nice guys" have no game to begin with, because they never developed any; they think their niceness will win women over, and believe in that "just be myself", or "I want to meet someone that can appreciate me for who I am" stuff. As far as keeping the relationship, it takes a lot of energy to start one, it also takes a lot of energy to end one. If you stuck your foot in the door, you're in, doesn't matter if you got there by being a jerk. Of course if you cross the threshold it will end, but once the relationship begins the threshold becomes much higher. So jerk away, as long as you can keep it under control. On the flip side, a guy with no game but is a great catch will basically stay home, play video games, and fantasize about anime characters. He can't get anything started, and it ends right there, his other qualities, no matter how great they are, won't matter. So be a nice guy, be a jerk, whatever, doesn't matter, but you have to have game. The game plan is easier for a jerk; that is the shortest path. Where for a nice guy, given the same effort into their game plan, won't be nearly as successful as the jerk. So people get the impression that women like jerks. But really, women like men with game, it's not about nice or jerk. But for men, nice or jerk determines how much time, money and effort they have to invest into developing the game plan.
Yamaha Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Maybe this is true, but not in every case. Again men think that I are not transparent and they are. If the women wants to be with him in a sexual way then she will be. Ok at least that is true for me. Don't think just because you flatter me, I will fall head over heals so to speak. Yes and jerks also make fools of themselves. Hey I love men but as far as aggressive men, or men who try to hard... Get out of my face, that is not what I say but that is what I think. I like a guy who is just himself, someone that I can joke around with and is down to earth. I don't know ladies was there a time that you were with a jerk but did not know that he was a jerk and then it was too late. ( and you could not get rid of him) LOL How can you not know if someone is a jerk or not. You are no different than most women no matter how much you want to deny it. Your head will be turned by a guy who interests you and he knows the art of romance. He may not be interested in a relationship but just scoring with you. If you are good he will keep you around until he tires of you or if he really starts to fall for you he will dump you out of preservation. Just like you feel you can pick out the jerks vs. nice guys so can a player pick out a women who he feels he can bed. It really is quite simple. You get a good lover which women feel is so important to romance and he gets the conquest of the dance ( plus good sex ).
pricillia Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 You are no different than most women no matter how much you want to deny it. Your head will be turned by a guy who interests you and he knows the art of romance. He may not be interested in a relationship but just scoring with you. If you are good he will keep you around until he tires of you or if he really starts to fall for you he will dump you out of preservation. Just like you feel you can pick out the jerks vs. nice guys so can a player pick out a women who he feels he can bed. It really is quite simple. You get a good lover which women feel is so important to romance and he gets the conquest of the dance ( plus good sex ). How can you even say that I am not different, I sit back and watch how men are and what they do. I am not denying anything Yes there are players... but I don't go looking for men to be with, It takes me a long time to get to know a man and feel comfortable with him, if he would like to wait around that long then good if not then oh well. Friendship is what matters in the beginning then it can turn hot... All I am saying is when men turn on the "charm" this only works on certian types of women.. Just my opinion yamaha...
Yamaha Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Friendship is what matters in the beginning then it can turn hot... Are you saying you turn your male friends into lovers?
pricillia Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Are you saying you turn your male friends into lovers? No not at all, I am saying if I am interested in someone and there is chemistry on both sides, I take the time to get to know the person before letting him bed me, so to speak. I don't like jerks bottom line. And I am differenent, and allot of women are, not all women like jerks.
alphamale Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Women like jerks, players because they know how to involve a womens romantic and sexual imagination. They are very good at communicating the things that women want to hear and makes sure she knows about his sexual interest. They also know which women to approach and do not spend their time on a women who has no interest. They are confident, spontaneous and unpredictable. They play into a womens romantic dreams. The disadvantage of a jerk; he's not long term but by the time women learn this they are hooked. excellent, excellent
lovestruck234 Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 I'm not offended, but you labeled me as full of myself. I was very confident however, and there is a big difference. Okay, I may have been full of myself for a short period, but I was humbled by a beautiful young lady who later broke my fu**ng heart. I think that was her ultimate goal. D'oh! Lol. Yes, there is a BIG difference between confidence and cockiness... I'm no-one to judge on this...everybody experiences it differently. This drummer was the biggest cock! He would spend longer getting ready than me! Plus, goign to watch him at shows, when he was walking off stage he would have his tongue down some other girls throat... I was just like an object to him. We wuold go to massive parties and he would just have his arm around my neck the whole night, didn't speak to me ONCE the whole night, but the fact that he had "some hot chick" draped over him like an ornament made him feel good about himself... Let's just say I left him the day I walked in on him kissing another guy!! F**kin bi-sexual *********!!
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