Horrible Need Input More Then Anything

[FJK82]

a long story I dont even know where to begin..I was with him for 4years we had moved down to Florida together from PA 2 yrs ago..We were doing great but last November his father asked him if we could both move back for him to take over the family business..I didn't want to go at all but it was such an amazing oppturnity he had to take it..I stayed in FL for almost 5months with him BEGGING me to hurry and get back to PA. We never broke up at that point we were still together but for some reason i couldn't bring myself to go back there i hated it there..

 

well i finally went in march..i only stayed for a month..i went up there with a negative outlook and i couldnt snap myself out of it..i decided on a wim to move back to FL and to leave him...i had been telling him that i was thinking of this but could never bring myself to offially say its over and he did not want me to leave AT ALL.. i was not sure of myself 100% but i did it..there was no goodbye..i got my stuff and left..it was the biggest mistake ive made in my entire life..i had the best man that loved me more then anything in this world and i blew it. i made a mistake i am human..well he does not talk to me right now this happend easter weekend and then in june his mother died...he wont speak to me wont answer my calls etc.

 

he sometimes emails me but it never says much at allll..he is very aware that i want to get back together but when it first happend he said that is not what he wants..he had told me before i left that if i left there was no getting back together..i should have known better i just tho9ught if u love someone so so much like i know he did how can u not try again...well im going up to PA on Tuesday to visit family and i want to drive the 3 hours to his house and see him and talk..i mentioned to him that i was going to be there the end of sept thru a voice mail and email and he wrote me back the next day and said NOTHING about my visit..i just sent him another email (bc i never wrote him back to the other one) and i said again that ill be flyin into PA tuesday the 26th and i was goin to drive to his town on wednesday the 27th and to meet me at 7PM at this diner by his house..i also told him in the email he didnt have to write me back and to please just be there..he read the email as of monday morning and so far he has not written me back so thats a good thing im guessing???

so i believe if he didnt want me there he would have said dont come ..please help me u guys..we had a great 4yrs..im human..people make mistakes..if this man loved me so so much how can he not talk to me at all..how can he not want to give it one more try..i know i broke his heart..i hurt him so bad..but all i want to do is fix that..i can not be without him..i cant...please help me i really need the advice...this man really did love me more then anything..he did everything to keep us together and im the one that broke it off..people make mistakes..please help me u guys..im goin there tuesday and i dont know what to do..i have not tried to call him sence labor day so thats a good thing for me..i did email his good friend about 2weeks ago and asked him his opinion and what he wrote back was not good..he said "i think right now you need to let him move on with his life and you need to move on with yours its goin to hurt for awhile but if its ment to be it will be you cant force it"..so im scared to death..i made a mistake.....i need all the advice i can get right now..im n tears all the time and i need him back n my life..help me..im really afraid that he wont email me back so i go and he wont be there...or if he does email me and tell me not to come..oor he does meet me there and tells me no..im really driving myself crazy with all of this bc im goin there tuesday and i know hes read my email sayin i was coming to see him and to meet me at that spot..

thank you n advance for your advice..

[Rooster_DAR]

This is why I always say, make sure you have all your eggs in one basket before you break up with someone. If he is a smart, rational, and balanced male he probably will not want anything to do with you anymore.

 

Sorry, but sometimes the truth hurts.

 

However; I think the only way you could (and that's a big could) win this guy back is buy doing something crazy that would make him think "OMG, she just made a fool of herself on public television for me!" type of action. Realisticly, that doesn't happen very often or anywhere but in the movies. Persistence may yield results, but are you willing to carry on with this for a long period of time.

 

If you really feel the way you feel, you will find ways to make him realize how much you care about him, but again there's no guarantee after you left him like that.

 

Good luck.

[purpleplanet]

wow that's tough. If you really know that he is the only one for you... If it were me in that situation, I would move back to the town in PA on my own. I would see if I could be happy there, regardless of him. The reasons you left that town to begin with will still be there, and you need to know if YOU can be happy there, without being dependent on him. That's monumentally important to your future happiness. But while living there, you cannot beg him to get back together with you, nor expect him to want to.

 

But honestly, it is probably better to move on. It is normal to miss him intensely at first, while the reasons you left fade to the background. But as soon as he takes you back, you will realize how unhappy you are there all over again.

[fjk82]

Thank you guys for the advice..Really means a lot to me..

 

I am doing something crazy..I live n Clw Beach, FL and Im flying up to Pennsylvania on Tuesday then driving the 3 hours to his town and prayin to god he meets me where I asked him to in that email..So far he has not written me back so thats a good thing...RIGHT? Since I told him he didn't have to and to just no that ill be there on that date and time..ALSO I was talking to his best friends wife and she told me that the weekend im going to be in penn state is the SAME WEEKEND my X and his best friend are goin for the football game they will be there ALL WEEEKEND..im sure they will be out bar hopping and i will to so im pretty positive we are bound to run into one another...isn't that a weird twist of fate? the 1 time ill b n the state is the 1 time hes comin to that town that is 3hours away from where he lives...i thought that was VERY strange..we will see what happens next week....

[doppelganger]

This is why I always say, make sure you have all your eggs in one basket before you break up with someone. If he is a smart, rational, and balanced male he probably will not want anything to do with you anymore.

Agreed, rooster. My thinking is that once you break up, its over. No second chances. Sometimes you only get one chance to frack things up in life.

 

You say you know he loved you soo much, and then you left him without even saying goodbye. It may have been just a mistake on your part, but you totally burned him by doing that. How hurt must he had been when he came home and realized you weren't there and weren't coming back. Not to mention his mom just died a few months ago. I'm sure he's still greiving that loss. Give him some space woman. Lady, i'm feeling suffocated by your post let alone what he must be feeling right now. Not only does he have to work through the loss of his mom, but also through the hurt you caused him. Let him go on with his life and you with yours. Going back right now and saying you're sorry isn't going to make things all fine and dandy. Give him some breathing room. Let him recover and then you can try reconnecting with him. Maybe in a year, check back and see how he's doing.

 

My advice is when you see him this coming wednesday, just tell him you're there if he needs a friend. Then back off. Let him make the next step. Leave the ball in his court. He has a lot of emotions to work through and your nagging him to get back together probably isn't helping much at all.

 

my $0.02