lo_lo Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I've known the guy that im currently dating or should i say "my boyfriend"....LOL for about or almost a year now. We started off as good friends and hanging out and all that good stuff you know.....the getting to know each other part. so...we started seriously dating after about.....eight months i think. Because we were just on and off and he wouldn't make up his mind about wether he liked me or not. so now we've been intimate or what not but he doesnt seem serious about me. And the thing that drives me mad is that he considers me his Gf but he doesnt seem to take anything serious. He told me he just wanted to have fun right now and wasnt looking for anything serious. I'm not sure what to do exactly at this point. I've considered braking it off but somehow i get tied back into this pointless relationship. I really liked it better when we were good friends in the beggining. Everything seemed going well. The thought of thinking that my own boyfriend is just using me for sex and what not it makes me feel weird. I dont like this feeling and i need to do something about it.... what to do when you know that no love or any "real" feelings exist? any advice??
Lisa32 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I can give you better advice, if I can get an idea of your ages.
Lisa32 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Well...he's in the age range of wanting to settle down, not ready to settle down. Usually when a guy meets a girl theywant to spend the rest of their life with, the don't ever say "I'm just having a good time now." kinda thing. Also, you are 20 and he is 27, which (please don't be upset with me) kinda young. 20 to 27 is a big difference when you're that young. You can't even drink legally yet...plus from 20 to 25, you're going to be a totally different person, with a totally different way of looking at life. If your gutt is telling you something isn't right, then I'm telling you, you're right, something's up. If you're feeling used for sex or some other reason, follow that instinct. 99.9% of the time, that's your girl's intuition protection/defense mechanism kicking in. When you are in a relationship with someone who is in love with you, you'll have such a sense of peace, that you won't even question his feelings. You won't have to...at least, not this soon in a relationship. The first year is the honeymoon phase, and you're already feeling this way. I'd go ahead and tell him how you feel, and if ending things is what feels right, even though ripping your heart out would be less painful, then that's what you should do. Don't ever let anyone use you or make you feel like you're less than perfect for them in a relationship. If this man can't treat you like you're one of the best things that ever happened to him, then he's not in love, and therefore, not the one for you.
Author lo_lo Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Thanks for the awsome advice and no...no way im not upset at knowing that i am young and its toooooo early for me to be thinking about something so serious:). I mean its ok to date and like the peson but i see what you mean. I have so much to learn and experience still. I'm just beggining to start my "20 something 20 everything life" Now that all of this is more clear to me im just gonna go with what i feel and what is right for me. Yea you know, ripping out my heart would be a lot better because that way i wouldn't feel all used and sad and all that good stuf...LOL... But I'm a strong woman and im sure if anyone out there has done this before then i sure can too!! I don't even know if i want to be his friend right now, i think i just need some time alone.
Lisa32 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 You are a very smart girl for your age...and more aware of yourself than most. You have high self-esteem. I remember when I was 20, I was in a what ended up being a 6 year relationship. I loved and wanted to marry him. I thought he was the best thing created since beer. He was my life. By the time I was 25, I couldn't stand him. He repulsed me. I wouldn't let him touch or kiss me...gross. He became extremely unattractive to me. My taste had totally changed and I found myself attracted to other men. I hurt him really badly when I ended it. I cared about him as a person, but just wasn't romantically interested with him. Now I see him...years and years later. Thank the Lord I didn't marry him at such a young age. I had no clue who I was, or what I wanted. He annoys me. He's cheap and a total know-it-all. I sometimes want to smack him upside the head. Thank God I didn't marry him. I'd either be divorced, or miserable.
Hitman10000 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Although Lisa32's advice may be sound, it is biased from what she experienced when she was younger. Let's get this straight, your boyfriend is not *using* you for sex. You are also getting that *sex* too. If you don't get a sense of needing him or that "feeling" as you said it, then you should consider breaking up or seeing him less frequently till you can sort out your own personal mess on what you really want. I'm also around your "boyfriends" age, and at my point in life, I am.. "settling down" not "ready to settle down" everyone has a different stage. I can tell you that I want to sample as many girls as possible, don't think I'm using you women, I want that ONE WOMAN who is completely compatible with me to be HAPPY and the only way I can do it is by trial and error. I'm sure other women if they're smart enough should realize that too. I see too many women.. and men stuck in relationships because they believe they can't do better. Where all that's left is daily.. motions...like someone going to work.. day in and day out..nothing really gained. Dump him if you must, or date others, it really sounds like you would be happier with others.
Author lo_lo Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 yea i know But what if hes the only one who's getting satisfaction out of this relationship? isn't that wrong too? I mean i can't say that im not getting anything out of it either because really i am. Hes not having sex by himself, its with me. But the point is that it's not that i don't feel any "feelings" towards him because i do it's just that the way he is with me is what bothers me the most. To me, it seems like when he gets his share of the "good" stuff hes just all satisfied and kind of forgets about me in a way and just runs off. I would preffer if he was a more practical human being you can say. Because at his age most men have their life together. Hes just not quite there yet. I want to share my love with him not fight and beg for it. At this point it just doesnt feel like his making any effort to really make this work. And when i meant that i wanted something serious im not talking about marriage and all of that serious stuff. I just want him to really respect me as a woman and take me serious. I don't care if he wants to be with someone just to have fun with ( okay maybe i care a little) but i dont want to waste my time either if were not gonna be on the same page. And everytime i've talked to him about all of this, he just says that he doesnt know what im talking about. It frustrates me.
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