why can't i LET GO!!

[havingtroubles]

i have been in a 3 year dating relationship, 1st year pre-marriage counseling that Christmas he told me he wouldn't buy me a ring after counseling. I was OK with it.

 

2nd year we broke up every other month because he couldn't make up his mind, needed time, had issues and other excuses about marriage. He would beg beg beg send gifts, call my pastor, to get me back.

 

I go back.. 3rd year. he buys me a ring for Christmas but couldn't get the proposal out of his month just keep saying he is not ready and he feels like he has been sentenced to death.

 

Again told him to go on about his business but again begs, begs, begs send flowers says his goal is to marry me but working on issues.. again back to calling Pastor and emailing me that he loves me.

 

also to note: I have been celibate for over 5 years, we have never slept together.. should I really believe that this time would be any different from the last three years.. AND WHY DOES HE BEG!! my heart still has hope that he is really working on issues but my head says crazy girl you better run with everything in you. if he is like this now- marriage will not solve anything - says he has never cheated on me and loves me so much..

 

i need advice to wake me up out of the hopeful land

[Heart66]

Are you in contact with him? If so...Your first step is to STOP! You won't heal, let go, or move on if youre still living in/holding on to the past.

 

NC is tough! [i know for a fact, as I am currently going thru it myself] But if you really want to heal, its all you can do. Going back and forth and forth and back isnt healthy! Aren't you tired of that?

 

It sounds like you need to move on. This guy has issues--issues that don't sound as if they will change anytime soon. By staying in contact with him, you are allowing HIS issues to drag you down. You are also blocking future blessings by staying in "hope" with someone who is likely to never give you what you need/want.

 

NC is hard, but in the long run you will be glad you let go. It will take some time, but eventually, the pain will stop, memories will fade, and you will move on to someone who isn't the emotional, commitment-phobic mess that this guy is!