loveinlife Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I guess I am here tonight searching for an answer to my question about learning how to let things go. I want to seal the chapter with my ex and move on. I came to the realization that too much time has gone by dealing with my past. Improving on myself in the needs that maybe one day my ex will come back to me. I have wasted so much effort, time, and money on doing so. With the new warddrobe and how my self esteem crashed. Basically I gave my lifestyle to live what she wanted me to become, that is selfless love and indeed hurtful to myself. As you can see, i am giving my life up just for a second chance that I know and we all know will never happen bc my ex is with someone else right now. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am consuming my life inside out. I want to find myself again, to live that happy life with or without her. To be me again without her wanting me to become what I am not. I want to struggle and learn to become happier with no more hating on myself and blaming my past relationship on my faults. I want to forgive myself and take this to the next level of whom I should be, a happier and more self confident individual. Instead giving up my life for her and finally doing something for me. I think I hit rock bottom and its now ready to put things into gear. Please help me!!! :lmao:
Ariadne Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Well, From now on then do whatever the heck you want to do. Ariadne
Miss1984 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I found it interesting that you said you 'want to be me again' because this is something I've often thought to myself. Ever since I first got my heart broken I feel I've been only a small part of the person I used to be. I've been out with someone else since that break up but I've never fully been able to let it go. My self confidence is still in pieces- I blame myself for what goes wrong in relationships, that I'm not nice enough, or fanciable enough and if someone doesn't care enough to treat me well I wonder what it is that I did wrong. I'm not as happy and carefree as I used to be, everything has outcomes and consequences and I always see the negative. I only say all this because it sounds like we are feeling a similar way. I got depressed for a long time and I don't feel like that anymore, but I do wish I could completely let go of the past and not think about it anymore. I have improved to a point where I feel 'ok' but seemed to have stuck there. I don't want to meet someone else to make me happy, because if that were to end too I would be back to the same place. Everyone should be happy in themselves. You say you've improved yourself, are you happy with your appearance now? Or do you look how you think your ex wants you to be? There's nothing wrong with changing yourself as long as it's for YOU because it will boost your self esteem. I'm at the point now where I want to go out with my friends and have a laugh and meet new people- I'm hoping I will be able to recapture how I felt when I was single and had no commitments- have you tried doing this? You want to move past this so that's the first step. Fill your life up with people and hobbies, don't allow any time to just wallow- the trick is thinking about things less and less until they go away completely- I'm hoping that will work eventually! Often people move forward, but how do we move past it?! Everyone says it takes time, for some more than others. I'm just hanging in and hoping this is true!
Bogun Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Simple solution. Stop having contact with your ex if you are, and me thinks that you are if you know she's with someone else. In time you will leave her in your past.
Ruff Ryder Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Everything at some stage fades to grey. Have fun and never live life for someone else live it foy you. F J Shark " Expect more accept lee" Live it is all I can say. Good luck mate
Author loveinlife Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Thanks everyone, Miss1984, I am doing everything similar to you. I guess I have broken into pieces and I think I am a new me now, leaving the pieces behind and building up a whole new self again. I came to notice that we have always been by ourselves and I am the only person who can make a differene on passing this stage of grief. I have been going out and meeting new people which i think is healthy but there was always this feeling holding me back to have to utmost fun. I guess I am meeting new people as to identify who I am and to see who I like, mainly its because I was lost. Like my friend said, "Only I can change, no one else and do that for you." "you control your life" "its how I want to see your confidence" I guess what he is saying is become yourself, that is the light, be who you are and if no one likes you, like my ex, so be it. We just deserve someone's approval. People should like us for who we are and if they don't oh well. Not everyone likes to eat hamburgers. Thanks, Araidne, that was very kind of you...=) Bogun, you saw through me, yes I have been in contact with my ex almost everyday or every other day. Ruff Ryder, yes we should all "live it." Good luck all.
Just2Cute1972 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 My ex also kept in contact with me every day or every other day. My break up was 5 1/2 weeks ago. A week later he hooks up with someone else and now she is pregnant. Found that out last Tuesday. Crushed OMFG.u have NO idea. I STILL kept talkin to him until the next nite. I made up my mind that was it..i was done with it all and somewhere inside of me i found the strength to do it. I havent had contact with him in a week and im AMAZED at how i feel. Im not dwelling on it, im not crying, im not depressed..blows me away. By him contacting me all the time i knew everything still that was going on because he was telling me. It hurt. Today its been a week since ive talked to him and ive already met someone new..not as in dating, but just met them. Im having a blast. Do i still miss my ex? Yes i do, do i still love him..yes i do. But because i stopped contact im NOT crying, im NOT depressed, and im NOT lost. The best thing u can do is STOP talking to her..it will hurt, a lot. U will probably cry get depressed and for me i got literally sick for a day, but it passes and with each day it gets easier and easier.
aikim Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I just went through a break up 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't stop trying to keep in contact with him the first 2 weeks because I thought I could get him back. But everytime I tried to talk to him either by seeing him, calling him, or texting him, I felt worse than I started with because his response or his reaction wasn't what I expected. So after 2 weeks I stopped trying to talk to him and I felt a little better but I still wanted to talk to him. So instead I would write letters so I could release what I was feeling, but I won't give it to him. My idea is to give it to him after 3 months and see if he still feels the same way because by that time, I will have given him enough space.
Teacher's Pet Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I guess I am here tonight searching for an answer to my question about learning how to let things go. I want to seal the chapter with my ex and move on. I came to the realization that too much time has gone by dealing with my past. Improving on myself in the needs that maybe one day my ex will come back to me. I have wasted so much effort, time, and money on doing so. With the new warddrobe and how my self esteem crashed. Basically I gave my lifestyle to live what she wanted me to become, that is selfless love and indeed hurtful to myself. As you can see, i am giving my life up just for a second chance that I know and we all know will never happen bc my ex is with someone else right now. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am consuming my life inside out. I want to find myself again, to live that happy life with or without her. To be me again without her wanting me to become what I am not. I want to struggle and learn to become happier with no more hating on myself and blaming my past relationship on my faults. I want to forgive myself and take this to the next level of whom I should be, a happier and more self confident individual. Instead giving up my life for her and finally doing something for me. I think I hit rock bottom and its now ready to put things into gear. Please help me!!! :lmao: Hey Bro.... I was in your place just a VERY short time ago. It's natural to look and back and wonder "What if....", but you have to stop. I know it's not easy, but it gets easier over time. We each have a limited amount of energy, and the more of it you focus on yourself, the less you'll have to focus on your ex, and eventually, the less you'll NEED to focus on her. Positive energy breeds positive energy. You need to find a source of it (a hobby, a cause, close friends, family, etc...) and go with it. For me, I got myself a second job I love (bartending), made it a POINT to make new friends, started going out more....and I'm pretty happy now! I'm not "there" yet. I still miss my ex, but not to a great extent. You have to find what some people call "your center"...something to focus your excess energy on, that is, the energy you normally WASTE on your ex. My excess energy goes into working out, partying with my new friends, and chasing anything in a skirt. Find your center, and run with it. You can do it! -tp
Author loveinlife Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 I am glad for you TP. I am moving on and today my ex message me and now I am here chatting with her on Aim. She's asking me to become business partners with her in an investment. I want to refuse and do what's right for me, but I also care about her and want to support her as well. I am so confused!?!?!
Teacher's Pet Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Is this a "business venture" you can do without her? Mixing business and "pleasure" is always risky.. Mixing business and an EX smells of disaster, IMHO. -tp
superconductor Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Lovinlife, our resident pudgy rock star and comic is absolutely right. Sure, you want to support her and all the rest, and that's perfectly ok, but unless you're willing to risk the investment - that is, lose the whole thing AND lose any positive contact with the ex at the same time - then you'd be better off without helping her out.
Teacher's Pet Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Lovinlife, our resident pudgy rock star and comic is absolutely right. Holy crap. Jack Black reads this site????? ALWAYS rockin' the mic, -tp
Author loveinlife Posted September 30, 2006 Author Posted September 30, 2006 I remembered that I posted this awhile ago and wanting to be me. Today, I feel that. I feel happy to be myself, maybe my confidence is reaching at a higher peak. It feel great to be single and not wanting to be with anyone else. I think I am adjusting to my lifestyle. I totally forgot how it was like being single, I am enjoying it now. Positive signs, meeting new people and having friends, I guess it helps mend the broken heart because I have positive, fun, and motivated people around me. I didn't have many friends when I was with my ex. We were like a married couple. It is strange that I am no longer seeking a partner and I am losing the feeling of how having a gf is or sleeping with one at night. Anyone feels this way??
Diver012 Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 I remembered that I posted this awhile ago and wanting to be me. Today, I feel that. I feel happy to be myself, maybe my confidence is reaching at a higher peak. It feel great to be single and not wanting to be with anyone else. I think I am adjusting to my lifestyle. I totally forgot how it was like being single, I am enjoying it now. Positive signs, meeting new people and having friends, I guess it helps mend the broken heart because I have positive, fun, and motivated people around me. I didn't have many friends when I was with my ex. We were like a married couple. It is strange that I am no longer seeking a partner and I am losing the feeling of how having a gf is or sleeping with one at night. Anyone feels this way?? Nope its not strange. I think its very normal actually. You have to be ok with yourself before anyone else can be ok with you. It sounds like your doing great!!
Author loveinlife Posted October 1, 2006 Author Posted October 1, 2006 Nope its not strange. I think its very normal actually. You have to be ok with yourself before anyone else can be ok with you. It sounds like your doing great!! Thanks Diver012. I appreciate your feedback. Tonight I went clubbing and saw my ex with her new man. Her new guy reminds of how I was, very attached kind of person. I guess I am happy for her to find someone who will treat her right. It takes a sacrifice and this heartbreak to understand what real love is and its to understand when to let go and see the other person happy. I feel reborn tonight. There is so many things that I don't understand in life, but I will overcome this and become a better person. Life's obstacles will only make us stronger... Now I know why people say, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Good luck to all! Hope you guys had a wonderful weekend! ----------------------------------- Thanks to everyone who has backed me up through one of the toughest times in my life.... Much love and appreciation. I love everyone here!
Recommended Posts