Guest Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Hi, ok, I am not understanding here. What would you do in this situation and what do you think he means please? Thanks I divorced my ex 2 years ago because he's a perfectionist and I'm not, and I got bitter and angry trying to please him and not feeling like I wasn't succeeding. I was very happy when I divorced cause I was no longer under his criticism, and I had no idea that I broke his heart. Yes I was going to marry another guy, but I didn't have peace, cause I thought that God didn't want me to and after I forgave my ex, I felt that God put love in my heart for him again. OK, I come back, ask my ex for forgiveness. He's forgiven me. I do EVERYTHING possible to show him I love him and want to make him happy, including have sex with him. To me it felt right because he's the only one I've ever had sex with and I feel like we are still one. However, he tells me that he is not in love with me anymore, and he has a good time with me, but my pressuring him to make a decision about reconciling with me is just pushing him away. What is this??? I don't understand. I'm angry again, and I feel used. Am I being used? What does he mean not in love with me? What does "in love" mean to a guy? So he tells me he needs some space and lots of prayer. He tells me he's not ready to make up his mind and it's not God's time and yet he says for me not to date anybody else, and yet I am going crazy and am wanting now to date other people because I feel he's just using me and doesn't care at all about me even though he says he does love me and I'm "special" it's just he's not in love with me anymore and he needs time. ? ???? Men are nuts.
skeletonindacloset Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Here's what I'm wondering, and it's coming from the point of view of a spiritual person who doesn't really jive with religion too well cuz I was raised catholic and well.. here's what I'm wondering: So god's got a plan for him and maybe this isn't part of the plan right now. I can dig that. And he wants to be true to his god right? So it would make sense that maybe he shouldn't be in a serious relationship with someone else right now cuz he and god have a really serious thing going right now and they're in the middle of working together on his life and that maybe this isn't the best time for the two of you. Sure. I can dig it. It's not unimaginable. But if god's tellin him not to be with you in a serious way then are we all left to believe that god's giving the thumbs up to casual sex? I'm absolutely sure this dude probably loves hanging out with you and he most assuredly loves being able to have sex with you as well, but he probably just doesn't wanna call it a serious relationship and it sounds like he's passing the buck to religion. Maybe that's a harsh thing to say and I'll burn for it later but I don't care. It really infuriates me when people claim to be so faithful and spiritual in their religious beliefs but it only seems to be that way when it's convenient for them. I say if this dude wants to be a part of your life and you want him to be a part of your life then be a part of each others lives. Go ahead, be really really good friends. But don't sleep with him, even if you really really want to. Don't let yourself be used like that. It's not gonna be a good experience if one's making love and the other is screwing. It's only gonna make the heart feel worse. And don't let this guy drag god into his personal drama when all he's tryin to do is get his rocks off. I'm sure god probably has a lot of better things to do than be somebodies scapegoat.
superconductor Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Let's get this straight: He drove you nuts with his perfectionism;You got bitter and angry (your words);; You left him;; You were happy after you left;; His heart was broken. Now, explain to me again why it's surprising that he's not keen on the idea of getting back together with you again.
Heart66 Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Yeah...Im gonna have to agree with the first reply. Having doubts and fears, needing space or time to think--are all valid. Im not overly religious. I do believe in God, and I believe that He has a plan for each of us. But, this guy is using religion as a crutch! If God doesn't want you in this guys life right now, He certainly wouldn't want you in his life NAKED! He wants time alone while you DONT date anyone else?? Sounds like a scam to me. Leave him be. Give him the time he says he needs. During that time, you need to get yourself together as well. Think about all the reasons that you left him in the first place. Im not buying the fact that you two should even try again. It appears that this isn't about GOD or spirituality for either of you. You've simply run back to a safety net. God is just his scapegoat.
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