SC_1978 Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Ok, I'm at the point of wanting out of my 2 year relationship because of his constant lying. I've been patient and even understanding of his fears & insecurities that fuel his dishonesty. The last straw was when I pressured him into confessing that he was carrying on an emotional affair with his highschool sweetheart (who by the way is married w/kids!). I'm not stupid I seen the signs and was relentless in my pursuit of the truth. Afterall, I loved this man and didn't want to be breaking his heart and leave him if I was wrong! Alas, I wasn't So, he fesses up and eventually shows me all the correspondence they'e shared (long distance connection). "Love letters" full of fairy tales and fantasies about if they could turn back time, and one day they will have another chance at love (when she gets a divorce and I'll be forced by her out of the picture). Talking about marriage and babies they would like to have together. A lot of BS. Anyway, she's encouraging him to hide their contact from me, that I'm just jealous of her, begging him not to marry me ever and that he needs to remember he is and always will be hers. Just to have faith that life will give them a chance to be together again and have the romance they screwed up as teenagers. She tells him if I really love him I won't leave him and accept this as something innocent. Well, he's been showing me all this stuff she writes him. He's pleading for my forgiveness of his emotional weaknesses, and that he is madly in-love with me and to love him for the man he is even when he acts stupid and makes mistakes. All I've ever asked from him was to be loyal and honest! Most everything else by way of flaws I can work with. He insists and goes on and on about how evil she is, how really he hates her but enjoys this "game" he engages her in for attention and affection. This affair with her he says is his way of exacting his own "payback" on her for breaking his young heart and by making her feel for him is like a rub in her face that she missed out on a great guy. However, he does want her as a friend. I'm fed up with this. I know he's going to keep on this BS with her. He's so emotionally insecure he can't resist the temptation to have his ego stroked. I don't believe have the willpower to give their affair up because he feels so powerful being able to manipulate. I'm feeling so mad and betrayed. I want to avenge my hurt feelings by angering him and having the last laugh with her. I'm SOOOO tempted to forward to her anything I have where he's talked mean and cruel about her and how he hates her. I want to betray him like he betrayed me. I want her to realize the jerk she's thinking loves her and the marriage she's cheating on because of him. Will I feel remorse later? Maybe, but I don't care. I'm feeling a huge urge to expose and muck up his little game. I don't want to walk away and leave her feeling like she won him without realizing how it came to end. If I don't show her, she'll be like "I told you so" to him and being mad at me for leaving him, he'll play along with her. Whether I stayed or whether I left he'll hang on to her and not feel he lost anything through his greed. I have a sense this is all wrong of me. I could be more mature, but I hate people who lie, cheat and generally take advantage of good people and I want him to see he messed with the wrong gal and wasting my time! He won't learn everything he needs to but he'll learn enough in a hard way! Thoughts, opinions????
Rooster_DAR Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I hate people who lie, cheat and generally take advantage of good people and I want him to see he messed with the wrong gal and wasting my time! He won't learn everything he needs to but he'll learn enough in a hard way! I think you answered you own question if you were asking what to do. Why are you even entertaining this situation?
Author SC_1978 Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Sorry, maybe I'm just tired right now, but what do you mean?
Rooster_DAR Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Well you stated that you hate people who lie, cheat, and steal. Sounds like you need to drop your situation and find someone without that kind of drama. You also stated "He's so emotionally insecure he can't resist the temptation to have his ego stroked"!. Why are you still there, don't put up with that crap. If you continue this relationship then I would start to think you like the drama. Either that or you are also insecure in that you can't leave a bad relationship when it's staring you in the face. Basically, your original posts shows that this relationship is a mess. Other people that read this are going to probably ask you what the hell you are doing. Good luck, post back if needed.
D-Lish Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I agree, forget the revenge and just walk away. Be the better person. We all have illusions of wanting to inflict suffering on the people that have hurt us. But the best way to get revenge in this situation is to walk away and find happiness. I could never forgive someone for carrying on the way your guy has been. You will never have trust in your relationship- this will always hang over your head. Walk away and cut him off from all contact with you. Losing you should be your revenge on him.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Basically, your original posts shows that this relationship is a mess. Other people that read this are going to probably ask you what the hell you are doing. Well …. Yeah. Get out of my head DAR! Honestly, SC. These two relationship tards are so beneath you that it would behoove you to stoop to their level. What are you doing wasting your time with a heartless jerk like this, anyway??? You shouldn't need to blackmail, threaten and scare someone into pretending they love you best. You're worth more than that. Leave him to suffer the consequences of his own actions by getting the hell out of there. Eventually, being left alone night after night typing letters and whacking off to a married online fantasy should leave him cold and lonely (as he deserves) … not to mention a nasty case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome to seal the deal. Let this woman's husband clean house on her end …
Author SC_1978 Posted September 24, 2006 Author Posted September 24, 2006 Thanks for all the advice.... Let me just say, I AM leaving this relationship. I know I deserve better, my debate is in HOW I should leave ... Honestly Enigma, for someone so heartless as to play such games in the first place, is it even reasonable to expect he will actually feel bad having lost me, or will he just feel a bit of guilt and then ignore it by resuming his "fantasy" having gotten away with lying to her too? However, if just before I leave him I send her all the e-mails he's written me talking about what he really thinks of her, and the lies she don't know about and has been told and expose the game he's playing with her too, I think it would hurt him more because he won't have anyone he can manipulate and lie to anymore. I want him to suffer so he doesn't learn he can easily get away with behaving like this to people! I'm not used to feeling like this, and in my heart I know its not the right thing to want to hurt someone even if they've mistreated you, but I'm tired of being the doormat that doesn't bite back! I never bite back and this time I want to because I just don't care ... I don't want to make this easy on him so he never forgets he played around with the wrong person this time. I want to put him in a position to make him accountable for his actions. Either way, by leaving I'm going to be the villian (in their eyes). If I leave without seeking revenge, he'll throw a pity party and seek her sympathy that I broke his heart and up his game with her and she'll be like "I told you so" never knowing the truth about his lies and what not behind her back. I'll still be the villian if I do let her see what he's been doing, so I might as well be the villian on my terms.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Normally I would not agree with this kind of action, but you have a really good point here. Good luck
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I'm glad for you that you're considering this as a part of your exit strategy rather than a means to ward off the competition so that you can keep your BIGGEST relationship problem sticking around. You'll actually be doing this woman a huge favor by warning her well in advance. However, I don't think she deserves such courtesies given the way both of them have treated you. Sometimes, the best revenge is allowing someone to actually get what they ask for. Meanwhile, there is one other person in this situation who is being taken advantage of as much as you. I dare say he would make a more worthy recipient of the information you have to pass along … after your own exit, of course. And don't worry about being labeled a "villain" by two ethically-challenged liars who don't even understand the meaning of the word. If you really consider the source, it shouldn't concern you at all. It actually has a comedic irony to it if you can somehow look past the pain and frustration their pathetic antics have caused you. Good luck to you, SC. Eventually you'll be in a much better place once you've finally put these two idiots behind you. And please stop referring to yourself as a "doormat". Doormats don't get up, dust themselves off… and walk.
Author SC_1978 Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 Great advice folks! Thanks.
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