laliquel Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 I started seeing a married man who is in the process of seperation, we have been in contact for a few months now, mostly emotional affair so far but this weekend it happened that we got physical. I had gone away on vacation and we talked almost everyday and the sexual tension was unbearable. We have fallen in love with one another and he is moving out of his house but is still living with her. Here is the problem, we finally got sexual and he could not keep an erection, I mean he said he was super excited and verbally assured me this but down there was a different story. We had talked so much about each other sexually and when the time finally came to get down he could not keep an erection. I tried not to make a big deal about it and in fact we spoke about it openly that same day hours after the fact but I am worried about this. He assures me it was him and not me but I can't help take it personally. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Everything else in our interaction is still the same, I don't notice any sort of negative reaction on his part, meaning he has not pulled away, but I am concerned with this. He has been sick lately and blamed it on that but I think it might be more that he has fantasised about it so much that when push came to shove it did not meet his expectations. I can't help not taking in personally. Any guys out there wanna comment? women too of course ;-)
Cheshire Cat Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Do not take it personally. It has nothing to do with your level of attractiveness. He could have been feeling - too anxious to impress you - intimidated by your looks/the situation - *guilty* (considered the situation you are in) - tired - a combination of the above The more you keep talking about it, the more pressure you put on him, the more difficult will it be for him to get an erection next time.
Guest Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Definitely don't take it personally. When I had my first physical encounter with my MM, he had recently separated from his W of ten years and I from my H of 15 years. There is uncertainty in a new situation, having gone for years with the familiarity of the marriage bed, to a new person. We had a few issues that first time, but let me tell you that all the others have more than made up for it.
Hevsent Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I have yet to post here...(stay tuned folks ))).but to repeat what another member wrote you... I can say that it happened to me too....and it resolved itself....it was nerves....he was so nervous to please me and the situation we were in....etc...oh yeah.....PLUS we were in the car....LOL....so yeah...no lift off for a while...but now....things are more than adequate.
Guest Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 It happened to me too with my MM. In fact, it happened more than once. He got so frustrated and would almost have a temper tantrum saying "I can't BELIEVE this!" I reassured him that it was only him and I in the room and I love him regardless of this physical complication. I explained that intamacy is more about sharing a loving moment and not being a porn star and impressing anyone (me). I think it was a combination of performance anxiety, guilt, a new situation and the stress of feeling like I deserved better than him or something and he was lucky to be with me. After a while, he learned to relax and our sex life is absolutely WONDERFUL today.
Author laliquel Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Thank you so much for all your feedback it does feel good to know I am not alone in this, or that it has happened to others. I suppose it is quite common amongst first timers then? I guess we place so much expectations on that first time and dream about it for so long that it's bound to produce some sort of anxiety and especially if there are feelings involved. He told me that same day that he has always had a bit of difficulty sexually (in the sense of thinking of them and getting aroused) with the women whom he fell in love with, but that with me it's the complete opposite since he is totally in love with me but also feels extremely physically attracted to me, so he has no problem getting aroused thinking about me. He assures me is totally crazy about me and I see it...he kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much I turned him on while we were doing it but it was hard to take him seriously and not think that he was just putting it on when his lower parts were showing otherwise. It was a really weird experience for me since this had never happened to me before with a man so I started to get really tripped out thinking the worst. I did think that perhaps he felt gulity given that he is still living at home even though they have stopped being intimate since before he and I even met. Anyway what happened this weekend was a mistake in that I had propmised myself I would not go there until he moved out and it looks like he is moving out this saturday, so I will not sleep with him again until he is out of that house and in his own place. Perhaps the next time will be better. I suppose I will just have to be very patient and not let my negative inner voices get the worst of me. I honestly felt so insecure this weekend and almost like we had waited so so long(7months to be exact) to be intimate to finally discover that we are not sexually compatible? That could still be a possibility, what if he is just not that into me sexually? Or worse yet what if he has a sexual problems he is not sharing with me? I dunno that would be so sad to be so compatible with someone in every way and be so in love only to have it end in bad sex. :-(
Jane Doe Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I did think that perhaps he felt gulity given that he is still living at home even though they have stopped being intimate since before he and I even met. First of all, you have absolutely no proof of that. That's a very common line married men tell their girlfriends. Most married men aren't going to tell their girlfriend that they're blazing the sheets with their wife. Think about it. But back to your question. I'm the erection killer of all time. It's happened to me more times than I care to remember so I can definitely feel your pain.
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