browneyed2 Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 My bf and i have been dating on and off for about a year. I was in a relationship when i met him and ended that relationship to be with him. When we first got together everything was great. I thought he was super attractive- had six pack abs and was always tan from working out in the sun (he's a construction worker) and he was fun and adventorous and we had a lot in common. We've never lived together so I dont really see him in day to day activities. but we see eachother about 5 times a week. he has a 5 year old son who I love dearly. When we first started dating I did so much for his son, I took him to parks and the movies and just to my house because he wanted to clean and do dishes (just fun things we did that his mom would never let him do) So he is like my little buddy. My bf was always sweet, writing me little notes and he's the type of guy who always calls when he says he will. We had a great sex life too because he was up for anything and although he'd had about 12 partners before me they weren't very interested in trying new things so I got to show him a lot of new experiences. Also in past relationships I've always wanted bfs to spend more time with me and this guy involves me in everything and he would spend 24/7 with me if I let him. Well lately I'm not sure what is changing my mind (there isn't anyone else I"m interested in) but I'm just annoyed by EVERYTHING he does. I've just noticed little things about him that drive me crazy. Like he won't eat anything all day long except for dinner and he'll keep talking about how skinny he is (5'9 170) which isn't anorexic or anything, yet a few months ago when I went on this Curves diet to lose a few pounds (I'm 5'1 112 lbs) my bf told me "oh you're trying to get back that body you had when I met you" which really insulted me because in a year maybe I've put on two pounds or something not even noticable. Also he is constantly checking out other women, talking about actresses and models that he thinks are hot (he talks to me like I'm another guy sometimes) I know all of this is harmless and I'm not so much jealous as annoyed. Also we went to Lowes the other day and he was reading some sign out loud and he couldn't read some of the words! I never realized that he's not that book smart. he has no common sense either. He wanted to get a loan $5000 to pay off a collections account (he has bad credit) and he went to the bank and they told him he'd have to have collateral for the loan. Well he actually thought he could use his truck (that the bank still owns and is in his sister's name!) Also he is horrible with money and has no money to buy his son school clothes but plans on spending one whole paycheck on a junk car that he wants to fix up. He has custody of his son but they live with his sister! and she pays all the bills! He makes more money than I do but I own my own house and my car is paid off and I have decent credit. I know that these are things I overlooked in the beginning because I was "in love" but now I just look at him with discust, I dont want to be around him, I definately don't want to have sex with him. I still love his son dearly but my bf looks totally different in my eyes. Is this just a phase or i am ready to move on?
orangele Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Gee, I thought most women have a pretty defined picture of the type of man they are looking for relating to occupation, education, personality, intelligence, income, dress, style, etc. , and LOOKS. It seems to me that you only saw LOOKS, and either had not thought about other characteristics which would make a man compatible with you, or they were delegated to the back of your list because the LOOKS were so good. Well in a way, I am a bit relieved to see that men are not the only ones who tend to do this.
Sand&Water Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Browneyed2, ...now I just look at him with discust, I dont want to be around him, I definately don't want to have sex with him. I still love his son dearly but my bf looks totally different in my eyes. Is this just a phase or i am ready to move on? This is the toughest, and most unexciting phase of the relationship. You and him have been together for about a year, now. You have developed a comfort in the relationship, with his traits; living style; and general persona. If you can get past this phase, without dropping out or going insane, you will be fine for the next few months/years. I think you have fallen out of love with your boyfriend. You have to make a decision, right now, on your own. You either move on -find yourself a man who can fulfill and satisfy your requirements or stay to improve; and accept your boyfriend. Sand&Water
browneyed2 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I know I must come across as superficial and I didn't mean to. I wasn't initially attracted to my boyfriend just becasue of his looks. He just met a lot of unmet needs (mostly emotional) and the fact that he was super cute was a bonus. I think I just was so starved for affection that I overlooked all of the major red flags that could cause problems in the future (he still lives at home basically even though he's almost 30 and has a son. He is horrible with money and has NO common sense. Also he doens't have many friends and has absolutely NO female friends nor is he on speaking terms with any of his exes including his son's mother). I am no longer attracted to him (even though he looks the same as when I met him) I think there has just been a lot of resentment built up and I think one poster hit the nail on the head - I've fallen out of love with him. I hate feeling this way because I really love his son and didnt' want to be another woman who abandons him (his mother rarely has anything to do with him) but I just can't take my boyfriend's immaturity anymore. I overlooked the fact that he still lives like he is in high school with his parents giving him money even though he works full time and makes more than they do an hour! Plus he doens't treat me the way he used to. He is like a spoiled brat-demanding my time and attention. I need to move on, I don't think this is just a stage I am going thru.
nancyleeh Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 QUOTE]I overlooked the fact that he still lives like he is in high school with his parents giving him money even though he works full time and makes more than they do an hour! Plus he doens't treat me the way he used to. He is like a spoiled brat-demanding my time and attention. I need to move on, I don't think this is just a stage I am going thru.Originally posted by browneyed2 It's a common mistake to look past those warning signs in the beginning of a realtionship because we want to see the best in a person. From what you said he has a lot going for him and also a lot that needs to mature. I don't think it's just a stage your going through either because it's doubtful he will change his basic personality for a long time if ever. At the very least you are now aware that you need to look at the whole picture the next time you start a relationship and if the guy has children, to keep more of a distance from the kids till you are sure he is the one for you. Best wishes. nanchleeh
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