PMsCity Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 OKay, I've been dating my boyfriend for 13 months now. We have a fairly good relationship with a few set backs, but all in all good. Except for when it comes to his parents. I had always had this dream of getting along really well with my boyfriend's parents and having them think so highly of me. I beleive I have set my standards so high in expecting that from his parents, that when I didn't get it, it deeply devesdated me. Sound silly enough? I'm just getting started. I may add that we have a 6 or 7 year age difference. He has a younger brother and I have an older brother and sister. Perhaps that could be part of the problem with what roles we played growing up and how we were treated growing up. Because of me being so much younger than him, I beleive his mom may not think I am good enough for him quite yet and I am a little young. She's never said these words but this is the vibe I am beginning to get. I had talked to her via e-mail for a while because they live in the north, many miles away from here. My boyfriend would talk so highly of them and how great they were and how they would love and I would have nothing to worry about (Also keep in mind we dated like 10 or 11 months before actually meeting the folks). That right there raised my expectations even more. There was a couple of instances that his mom has hurt my feelings just through e-mail. I had told her I appreciated her accepting me and being okay with meeting me even though I am just 19. She said, "Oh, I trust in his decsion, I don't really have much of a say in it, I beleive my son can make his own decsions." I had tried to open up to her and tell her a little about my problems...she would say, "You're ONLY 19-you haven't started living yet, don't worry about this and that just live life and love." Did I mention I have like 4 people already telling me what to do? How many times have I heard that lecture of how young I am? Afterwards when we all met...it was beyond awkward. She was all over him and kissing him and talking about how great he looked and all that. Which is fine, but my boyfriend insisted on me being there when they came. I mean, the whole momma's boy thing is fine but when you come in contact with a smothering momma...it's a little unattractive. I think it was a mistake being there when they saw each other for the first time. I expect that they are all over each other I mean they only see each other but once a year, but I feel that I shouldn't have been there. But that leads to a question: Am I always going to have to wait it out the first day or so when/if we visit or when they come down? They have their own convos and I have no idea what they are talking about. We don't have very many interests, I feel that in past e-mails his mom has judged me and she is a hyper woman who worries too much. The part that scares me is my boyfriend loves me and her. I mean you can always love your mom and you should, but he spoke of her like she had no faults. How can he like two different people like that that are so different? He wants me to go to New York with him next year to visit. Which means, I'm going to have to be unconfortable once again and stay in their house. When they came down to meet me, my boyfriend and I kept fighting off and on and we never do that. It was hard because when my family is around, I make him #1, I felt that when his family was around, they were #1. I feel that his priorities are mixed up a little bit. So if I do go to NY next year, I can be 1000 miles away from home with no car, in a house with people I'm a little unconfortable with...I mean, is this how it's always going to be? What happens if we get married? What about kids? I've had bad experinces with mothers in the past, I do not want to marry into an unconfortable situation. This has been a hard thing for me because I don't know if I can continue this relationship. I mean I cringe when he talks about what she says about this and that when they talk on the phone...there have been times he was supposed to call me and he forgot because his mom called and couldn't stopped talking. I mean, am I being too selfish? It's hard to give up the dream of the perfect mother-in-law. If I marry him, I marry them. I don't know if I can do that. I'm in this relationship for the long run. All, or nothing. What do I do? Stick it out and be unhappy or leave him? This is out of his control and it hurts us both and I don't know what to do.
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