Sand&Water Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Thank you, Electric_sheep. If they don't live nearby that is a different story entirely. If this is the case, is it best to stay friends forever? And, why would a man drop hints [flirts] that he likes you, and tells you he deeply cares about you but tells you he has not been flirting with you and sees no fault in being friends forever? Just wondering. Sand&Water
electric_sheep Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 If this is the case, is it best to stay friends forever? I don't believe in absolutes, so anything is possible. And, why would a man drop hints [flirts] that he likes you, and tells you he deeply cares about you but tells you he has not been flirting with you and sees no fault in being friends forever? I don't see anything wrong with developing meaningful relationships with people online (and far away). I would just be very cautious and realistic about the possible outcome. I think it can be dangerous to have too many expectations in any long distance relationship, particularly if you've never met them. Often it is just completely impractical to believe the relationship will ever be more, depending on the life situations of the people involved. Even if this is the case, that doesn't mean you can't enrich each others lives. If it's virtually impossible to imagine a scenario where you could ever meet in person though, I would think the generous (and unselfish) thing to do would be to hope you both find equally enriching relationships in real life. In any case you can always remain good friends. I've heard of people having the same pen pal their entire life.
bluetuesday Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 hi gemma just a word of caution... however much you think you know this guy, who may well indeed turn out to be lovely (but who could also be a total freak), i wouldn't go to manchester and meet him alone. you'll be miles from home in a strange city, so arrange to take along a friend or family member. if he is a nice guy he will understand why you are doing this, and if he truly has your interests at heart, he probably should recommend it himself for your own peace of mind. you do not know this man. telephone time is not the same as face to face contact, and he may be very different from what you imagine. he is a virtual stranger to you at the moment. please, look after yourself and err on the side of caution until you know him better.
Sand&Water Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Electric_sheep, In any case you can always remain good friends. Yes. I mean, I am good friends with a certain man. That's fine. But, I'm a very private person in nature. I just am not comfortable discussing, and sharing every little detail about my life, or someone else's life. Yet, he expects me to be more open. More communitive; willing to talk more freely. Nor am I into small talk, and that's all it is right now. The feedback I receive from this certain man is not stimulating, or engaging, or exciting to me. However, it is entertaining and I do find it pleasant at times. So why is it that I want to be really good friends with this man, but can't get myself to believe he trusts me, cares about me, and that it is okay to just have fun talk? Sand&Water Gemmab2020, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm sorry. I just wanted to attain some clarifications in regards to a situation. I hope the meeting goes well. He sounds like a nice guy. And, I sense a little something in the air for both of you. Sand&Water
Author gemmab2020 Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Sand, you haven't hijacked the thread! (I am guilty of doing the same quite frequently!) It's interesting to view other peoples opinions ont he subject of internet dating etc... my previous b/f was actually one I had met on a dating website. We didn't reallyhvae much contact online though befor we met, a few emails and then we arranged to go for a drink. I just feel as if I have found myself in such a strange situation with Mark, where he was there every night on the phone while I was with my ex, and he has admitted at this stage that he found that hard. He says he felt a lot of the time that me and him should have been together but yet he had to listen to me go on about my boyfriend. It has made me wonder did we both secretly hope that eventually we would get to meet and thats why we have maintained so much contact over the past 10 months?????? I mean, text messages and emails every day.. a phone-call atleast every 3 nights, usually lasting a few hours. Last night I was on the phone until 4am!!!!! I have mvoed from Ireland a year ago now.. and from my experiences, your old friendships do sort of die a little. You don't really keep in contact the same etc... so how come with some guy who I have never actually met before, has the bond grown stronger and stronger?? I am just a little extra nervous about meeting him as we have spoken for so long and basically we are entering into an either make or brake situation with the relationship we have. It's scary!! I don't want to loose the friendship I have with him!!!! But at the same time, I really don't want to miss out on something special if it's there. And to be honest, for 2 people to have kept in-touch the way we have, there must be something there!!
Meg_77 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 it just seems every case is different in terms of online relationships. two examples I can share with you are - last week I photographed a couple getting married who met through an online dating agency! To look at I never would have put them together but they were a fantastic, very happy couple. I have another friend who 'fell for' a guy in the us (we are uk) - chatted away hours upon hours online for months, all full of promise. She went to visit him - she stayed with him at his best friends house, a married couple. She had a lovely time and kept in touch also with the couple. But! Within a couple of weeks of her coming home she had an email from the husband of the best friends to say that his wife had run off with the guy she went over to see ! sheesh! So yes, there is the good the bad and ugly. Upon finding someone who you think you would like to meet in the flesh it's maybe a good idea to start off and go out as a group of friends kinda thing to watch a band or go to a comedy club where not only you see 'him' but others can offer opinions too. Plus it's a safe environment with friends - and a bit less nerve wrecking too. He will get to see a side of you relaxing with your friends. Takes the pressure off I think, makes it a bit less serious (even thought it may be) - keeps you at a good objective distance and looking after yourself. You will be seeing him through your friend's eye's too. IF I ever try the online dating thing that's what I will be doing! But right now I'm not ready. It's a scary thought having lots of unwanted attention :s! But the thrill of the wanted attention has surely got to be worth it if it works out - even just a friend! I will admit I have put myself on a online thingy but can't bring myself to put a photo up! I don't want anyone to know what I'm up to! hee hee! keep us informed on how you go!! good luck!
Author gemmab2020 Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 Thanks very much... I'm still nervous! But yet really really excited at the same time!! I really can't wait to meet him now, and I don't think it will be anything less than fantastic. As I have been in a relationship for the most of the time that I have been in contact with him, I had begun to think I would never meeting him! But I am glad I finally am going to take the plunge and go for it. I have done a bit of online dating before, but not LOADS! And yea, I think it can be quite good because you do have a chance to actually get to know a bit about the person, rather than just going purely on looks. (although the reason I ended up intouch with Mark was because I found him attractive!!) It was just one of those things where you click with someone straight away, and hey presto!
Recommended Posts