Vaby_Dove Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 I don't know how to express my true feelings and I think I'm stuck in something I don't want. For the last year I've been with this nice guy and at first he was everything I wanted. Nice, polite, funny, friendly. Outgoing and sweet. Well after a few months things started to happen like he would always ask me where I was, with who I was, what time I was going to be home, and what was I wearing when I went out without him. It freaked me out and after I got use to it. He became controlling to what I did, he would sometimes ask me not to go out with my friends. If I was out he wouldn't stop texting me till I got home. We started fighting over anything but one night got bad that lead to a week of mental abuse and also he would listen to other people when it came to "our relationship" anyway the mental abuse started out by him telling me one night he didn't want me and that I wasn't worth being with. He hated me and he was seeing someone else. That I played games and that I was never there for him.Oohhh yeah before all of this we talked about getting married. So anyway he was saying he was taking someone else out. This tore me apart for days and each day he would tell me more and more crap that worsen the problem. He made me feel like I was the worse thing to this earth. So after this he apologize and I forgave him(yeah I was stupid). I started college and I was working so we didn't have so much time for him. He then propose to make it all better and he claimed he bought a ring and would give it to me after new years. We always had some arguement and he always said he was sorry and blamed it on stressed and how I wasn't there for him. This went on for a couple of months. I began to catch him on lies that I would confront him and always denied it. That ring was claimed by him "stolen". Now for a 2 to 3 weeks there was little communication, I tried NC but he would get mad when I didn't respond to him. I was getting use to being apart from him. I cried for days and my heart was torn was again. It seems like I never learn. I couldn't sleep and couldn't eat and I promise myself not to put myself through all this pain again. I started seeing someone else cause I thought it was going to help me forget and it kinda did for moments. I was seeing this new guy and here comes my ex. And Here we go again fowarding to 3 weeks ago he came around once again and the same cycle began, he was sorry and finally admited to metally abusing me. He wanted to start again and he wanted to marry me and thought about having kids with me. I shot the idea down, he said I would have a change of heart. He cried and begged me to love him how I use to. I told him I was scared of him and I felt that if he was mentally abusing me he would start abusing me in a different way. He swore up and down he wasn't like that and that this was the first time he has ever done such a thing. Well I said okay and we got back together. He found out about the guy I was seeing and flipped out couldn't stop asking question about what we did till this day. Now I'm not into this relationship how I use to be. I think I was happier before. He started to avoid me again and had some communication but not much. Now I'm ready to stop all the pain he puts me through and leave him but I don't know how to do this. I'm so use to him I'm scared of telling him and he would leave my life. I talked about space and he said he wasn't saying no nor a yes. I want to be happy and not have him bring me down but I don't know how to stop my heart from aching so much. I think he never thinks ill leave him. He's torn me and put me in such a low, and I'm scared. I'm just 23 and I need all the help I can get, so if anyone has something to say about this please do so. Thank you for your time. Or maybe you may think I should give it another try?
Craig Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Leave him, avoid him like the plague, go strict no contact and tell him that if he stalks you or harasses you in any way that you will immediately call the police and file a report. Then do it. Yeah, he is bad news. Real bad, just look at the effect he has had and is having upon you. No one deserves to be with an abuser or a game player. Relationships are not free of challenges but what you've experienced is not a challenge, you have experienced a pattern of behavior that will get worse and worse as you get weaker and weaker. Dump him.
Author Vaby_Dove Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Thank you craig for your response and I agree with you. Its just hard to leave. I have talked to him about leaving him and he becomes defensive and demands a reason why I'm leaving him. He texted me all last night, he was being a jerk and he then apologized and he said he was hurt because I don't want to be with him anymore. Why is he now texting? God I'm so mad and hurt.
Returning Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Vaby_Dove, his brainwashing may have turned you a bit co-dependant. That is why you may have trouble listening to your gut reaction which must be screaming run, run as fast and as far as you can. Go to this site and check out some of the threads or some of the personality profile's of Sam Vaknin the page administrator. http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/discussions.cfm I'm sure you will find what is making your man tick and what you are dealing with. Take Care Returning
Craig Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Thank you craig for your response and I agree with you. Its just hard to leave. I have talked to him about leaving him and he becomes defensive and demands a reason why I'm leaving him. He texted me all last night, he was being a jerk and he then apologized and he said he was hurt because I don't want to be with him anymore. Why is he now texting? God I'm so mad and hurt. I'm sorry you are going through this, it will end, just be strong about not contacting him. Also, please be aware that you may have an overwhelming urge to contact him--that is normal and it will pass.
Recommended Posts