Trying to date again yet thinking of ex...

[brightrose]

I ask if it's too soon. Well, my ex originally broke up with me months ago, yet we got back together. It has been about a month that things have been clearly done between us. I still cannot get over it and I'm having a terrible time with this. (Once my mind feels free of him, he settles his way back into my mind and it lingers). I found enough negative things about him and think that should be enough for me, but, no, it's not. We had a very unusual, very natural, magnetism towards one another (not just physical). Anyway, I recently went on a date with someone new and it does not feel right. This new person seemed nice enough to give a chance. I'm definitely taking it easy but I take things seriously (maybe too seriously). I find myself thinking about my ex and comparing, and how it doesn't feel as right as my ex. This is not fair to anyone. I am posting this, thinking there's probably a common sense answer to this, such as: wait. But, I feel I've waited long enough to at least be able to spend casual, non-serious time with a new guy that I can get to know. Especially since it was my ex that was the great initiator of our breakup, initially, and once and for all. Is there a way I can close ties w/ my ex (eventhough I've not spoken with him for several weeks)? Eventhough I've not been seeing him or talking to him, I cannot get over him (something that keeps bugging me is how he lost this great passion he originally had for me and that bugs me-- how I felt deceived from what I believed to be true, and what came of it)!!! I do not see any happy relationship with my ex (maybe the problem is that some months ago, I felt he WAS the one I might like to spend many years with and that didn't work out). Ug! I want this settled once and for all, for my own sake, and if there is really a nice guy out there I don't want to mess it up because I'm carrying the extra baggage from my ex. I am 25, so this sort of thing isn't new to me, but I obviously am not a pro at figuring it out!

 

Thank you in advance for all your wisdom!

[Rooster_DAR]

Dating someone this soon is going to give you the comparison feeling. You probably will not be able to get into anybody emotionally for a while, you are just going to have to wait and let healing take it's course. If it was not for your age, I would think I was your recent Ex. This sounds almost exactly what happened with me and my EX G/F.

 

Good luck!

[brightrose]

Thanks for the response! I am such one-man-girl in a relationship and finally think it's O.K. for me to casually see (aka: get to know) other guys (yet, I'm cautious of it turning serious). I've not spoken w/ my ex for several weeks. I was really big on wanting to stay friends and he 'said' the same. But, I have given up on giving all the energy to stay in contact (i.e., making a friendly phonecall, or even showing up as planned-- he started to ditch me towards the end of our contact and had been getting progressively flaky) that I think HE can make the next contact. But, the last time I did see him, viewing him as a "friend," I was seeing a jerk and an alcoholic, two things I never saw when we were together. It can be really freaky when you realize the person you were dating and totally in love with is not the person you thought they were. It gives me goosebumps to realize all he put forth and put soul into saying just months ago is not the way it is! I'm sure this is one of the things that are difficult to get over. I have wondered multiple times if I were a psychiatrist, if he would be diagnosed with a personality disorder. It also doesn't make sense to me how we would put up with things for so long, such as our bf/gf getting progressively flaky on us. I would twist my brain around trying to FIX this "problem"-- I guess it's hard to fix something that has to do w/ the other person. Yeah, that's funny-- how you thought I might be your ex... how similar situations seem to be across our species!!! ...and what a crazy species at that!