imlastpostperson Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 YOU WANNA KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF HIM HERES HOW : Well I know exactly what you mean about him being a child. Yeap my loser is like a child. I told him I dont want a kid with you I already have one. Also I told him you are not a man oh boy im not afraid of him. So hit me whats gonna happen L.....O....S.....E....R?! Black eye broken bones come on I have had it, all lets go round again! Im a better person than he will ever be. Yeap and i went to the police! Whats better is they are prosecuting with or without me!HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA enjoy your prison sentence what comes around goes around HONEY! ;-) I HATE HIM. I tell you what its really made me much stronger now. Im leaving the uk starting a new life in another country very shortly.Im always online though! Im gonna go out there take my life live my life meet new people do all the things i missed out on!!!!!! Embrace it, live it to the max. You must focus on the future. DONT LOOK BACK thats what im doing block it out for the moment. Analyse it all when you are stronger. Dont say anything here that will make you unsafe ok. Where you are living is seperate from him right? He does not know where you are...? What i have done is, anything you have that belongs to him, bag it up put it in a box and put it out of sight some place you dont go to ie loft or something. Mine knows where i am though im in another country. I have taken all the sims out of my phones. Cut the phone lines completely this is the no 1 area he will try and contact. Change your email accounts forward on any emails old to a new account. Go to the bank change your bank account move your money into a new ac. This is VERY IMPORTANT he may use money as a strategy to come back into your life. Change the locks if he has any access to the keys even for a minute. Batten down the hatches and be prepared for a rough ride. BUT once you ride through the storm it will be SO WORTH IT. Start thinking about changing your surname drastic but easy to do (online) if you think your life is at risk do it! LITERALLY DISSAPPEAR OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET! Make sure you memorise all your family nos in your telephone. In a fight hes taken my phone from me before. Always put some money in secret place, hide important documents (if your in his house or if you think he can get into your house) but make sure its somewhere you can grab them if you need to get out quick. Keep small change for a phone box on you always. Better still try cutting and runing I tried but he turned up at the airport! Try and think of an escape route where your living at the moment. Good places are rooms with door locks ie bathroom if it has good access out to a garden or something. Anything that will give you a few more seconds to get out. Cover your bases damage limitation!
chillinagain Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Well as we spoke yesterday and in my reply just now i have come to the conclusion something good has to come out from this mess. When i get setup in the new country im gonna join a voluntry service for beaten woman. Answer the phones or something. I am really going to throw myself into it. Get busy. I want to share my advice and help out in this because its a really terrible thing to go through especially for kids. I feel I owe it too all the woman that are in this position now or will be in the future. I did not think it would ever happen to me BUT IT DID!
ChilledOut Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 ""I Got Flowers" I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers...today. Anonymous" Taken from http://tritowncouncil.org/DOMESTICVIOLENCE.html
Author cryinginside Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 That poem always makes me sad. I have heard it before and the funny thing is that when i first read it was when he was sending me flowers all the time. It gave me chills. I am doing good staying away. I think that you should chillinagain help somewhere else. I mean that way you can put all your knowledge to use. Something good will have come out with what you have endured. I am still planning on going to counseling this week again. It helps a little. Right now i feel as if i should be attatched to someone. I feel a void this week. I didn't feel this before but now i am getting lonely. I was talking to a guy just texting back and forth and when we went out saturday night i sorta blew him off to hang out with my girl friend. So he isn't really communicating with me now either. I know right now i just need to be alone and figure myself out. Its just so hard.
chillin Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Yeap, I know how hard it is girl. It really HURTS inside. I wish I could take out the pain for you but I cant. You have to think of him as a bad cancer you must cut out from your life. What has helped me is listening to music new tunes I like all the oldies 80s music with relevant lyrics. Ie nicklebacks tune - Never Again you can download on iTunes for the ipod instantly over the web. Geez sometimes I wish I had someone like you as a nextdoor neighbour as a friend physically - it would be real support then. Look even if you do go back (and I dont care what anyone else thinks on this forum about me saying this! I really dont give a SH*T) - slowly slowly the love will die. After punch after punch slowly slowly you will think sod this im off. Everytime you will make the break. Slowly for sure it will get less and less your feelings, screw what anyone else says, this I think is FOR SURE. I went back a second time, and I am weak now yes maybe he will get me back a third time BUT i know it wont last forever!!!!! Think every week less is one week out of danger. Slowly slowly it will work. Stay in touch with your girlfriends they are very valuable. I have no-one really only blokes! Every day I will be on this whatever happens in the future. You should too. !
Author cryinginside Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I know i too know what you mean by wishing we were neighbors. It would be wonderful to have someone close to me that is going through the same things. But at least I have you on here to help me through this, and i am greatful for that. I know that a little love dies each time. The first time we split i couldnt deal without him and each time the love lessens. This may be the last, i hope it is, but i can tell my feelings have changed for him. It is no longer him i need. I just feel that longing feeling for someone. Not necessarily him. I need to find out why i am so dependent on having a "man" in my life. I hope you stay safe and if you go back again, wish i hope you don't!, but i will be here for you when you need me.
ChillinAgain Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Yeap well as you said codependency issues are something we need to look into. Look back into your past - why you keep on getting into these types of relationships. I am tired of when I wake up and I feel Im having a good day and suddenly he opens his mouth and I start having a real bad day. He always seems to manage to say something to bring me down. If Im happy its bad for him. I have read many books on abuse. "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft is an excellent read. It allows you to enter into the head of these men. You can get it on amazon. Today Im having a day where im not angry for once over it all!
Author cryinginside Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Well i am glad today that you are having a good day today regarding all of it. I am the polar opposite. I am not really sad just mad about it all. He keeps calling private so we had to put privacy manager on the phone. I just don't get why he feels the need to keep calling at least once a day. But if i confront him and he is around people it that i am a nasty B...... Okay loser whatever who cares what other people think obviously he does. I am also mad at myself lately because i can not no matter what get on my own two feet. Here i am 26 years old with two kids living with my parents. I have off and on since i had my kids. The longest i was gone was two years when i owned my own house. It is so frusturating because i have no money saved up. Thanks to that a@@hole i have spent all my money. I won't be moving out on my own for along time. It would just be so nice to have my own place rather then living with mom and dad til i am 30!!! He took everything from me. I have my kids which i love more then ever but as far as money and a confidence he took those things!!!
Author cryinginside Posted October 8, 2006 Author Posted October 8, 2006 I just am so confused, angry and hurt all at once. Okay so the ex is now living with his wife. They were seperated while we were together and they never really had a relationship. He was always hitting her and she was always ALWAYS cheating on him with his friends. ANd now i find out she moved in with him. I think it is funny because she honestly is so nasty but on the other hand i am hurt. We just broke up a month ago he was saying how he could not stand her. I used to joke about her moving in there with us with their kid. He would say "Hell no!!! but now they ARE living together. I just can not understand this. He always said he had no feelings for her. The thing that gets me is that neither one of them have jobs yet they are living in an apt with two kids. What in the world???? I don't know i just needed to vent.
Guest Posted October 8, 2006 Posted October 8, 2006 He can't survive on his own. He needs someone to kick around to help him feel big. Without that, he realizes what a zero he really is. It's sad that his ex took him back if he beats her. Thank God you are smart enough to get out of it. There is nothing to be sad about. Whatsoever. All he needs is a football. You were a handy one. You are gone so now he needs another. he was saying how he could not stand her And you believed him? The guy's a liar. Lied when he said he loved you. Somebody who beats people up cannot love, no matter what he SAYS. Do not believe what a man SAYS. Believe what he does. If you don't learn this lesson, you'll just get in trouble again. Men will say anything to get their way - DO NOT BELIEVE THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guestchillin Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 Well I have a confession Im back with my loser. However I am working flat out today from home on web as do normally and he was pestering me all day today. In the end I said look im not available today im too busy. Of course he did not like that! What he said to me last week by the way! So he is now in a temper. Should be interesting when he comes home. *******. Im sick of running from him, why did I go back, he stresses my head out like you would not believe all day today do this do that. All I am is a slave to him. He tries to pull in woman by saying oh you work in a slave job. Whats the alternative work for you love - no thanks! Im sick of feeling scared from him. Just think if you were back with yours you would have to be going through this. Im worried now when he comes home hes going to lose it. Anyway hang in there like someone else said its the same as giving up smoking or drinking it is not easy, but you need to remain focused make it your biggest target in life to put him out of it. Im sure I will be back where you are in 2 months or 5 months or next wk who knows. He will do something to f**k it all up no doubt. Thats what hes good at.
Author cryinginside Posted October 11, 2006 Author Posted October 11, 2006 I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I understand about going back though, its hard not to. He is someone you are used to and you don't want to be alone so its easier to go back then to be hurting alone. Just next time remember there are a million other guys in the world, life's too short to stay with one that is not going to treat you the way you should be. So no matter what i will be here for you if you need to vent, talk whatever, because i know what its like. Now if i could just quit calling mine when i am drunk that would be wonderful!!!
Guest Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 No way!!! DON'T GO BACK TO HIM!! What he is doing is wrong. No one should be able to treat you like that!! No one!!! You are fully in the RIGHT to do what you are doing. You are also doing the right thing for your kids. Neither you nor they deserve to live in fear. My parents used to have violent fights everyday! It was horrible as a result I feel like I've lost out so much in life. I am fearful I am shy and I don't trust anyone!! As it is you and your kids have a lot of healing to do and a lot of trauma to get over. The easiest thing anyone can do is make someone else feel bad. Its the best tool to use to get them under your control. Don't fall for it. You have to believe in yourself and your right to be treated with respect. And you need to show your children where to draw the line. Would you accept it if your daughter (or some random stranger for that matter) was treated in the same way you were by your husband? SO why should you accept it for yourself? If you don't make it clear that you will not take this kind of treatment, your kids will repeat the same pattern. Please for your sake and theirs DON'T GO BACK TO HIM! You all deserve much better!!!
Author cryinginside Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 So last night i went out....again. I seem to "have" to go out every saturday night. Its like i am searching desperatly for Mr Right. I know that bars arent' the best place to look but hey gotta start somewhere. Not many other choices. ANYWAYS. For the first time i ran smack into my ex. I mean he was coming up the stairs from the club and i was on my way down. We didnt' speak, just looked at each other. Well, I didn't see him again but now i can't get him off my mind. I was upset the rest of the night. Then today all day i have felt like a bundle of nerves. I tried calling the abused person hotline for some support but it only helped til i hung up then i was back to missing him. I feel like i just can't stop thinking of him. I know he isn't right for me but he looked so good in that whole bad boy way. UGH i make myself sick over this and it ain't worth it.
Guest Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 You must consider him poison. You have to look at him and think 'deadly'. You are addicted. Period. And he will be the end of you just the way any drug would. Just like any other addict, you MUST fight the craving. REMEMBER YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!! Where are your motherly instincts and why are they not stronger than your craving for this jerk?
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Its all part of the addiction. In a few more months, maybe even less, you will feel sick when you even think of him. Have you thought about doing some studying? As a single mother, you do need something just for you too, but, maybe a boyfriend is not the thing at the moment. Personally, I dont think you are ready for a boyfriend yet, and I dont think you should be going out to find one. Where did you learn that having a boyfriend is the answer to your problems? It really isnt. You need to answer your problems first. Do something for you, just you, not for a man. What are you interested in? Art, science, mathematics, literature, etc? Instead of going out on a Saturday night and drinking, why not join a class for something? Also, if you do meet a guy, best chances to meet a good one is not in a bar or a club, but in a class, doing something interesting to better his life. Also, a good way to get mentally strong is to get physically strong. Drinking even only at weekends isnt good for your health. Try to get physically healthy and your mind will feel healthier. Do yoga each morning, it is great for calming the mind. Get your kids to join in yoga with you, they will love it, and its good for them and will help them to deal with this too. Visualise yourself strong and independent, with your own interests, being cosy with your kids and happy. There doesnt need to be a man for you to be happy, you just think there does. When you think like this, you will settle for any man, and that (as you have discovered) is dangerous. Good luck. Strength to you.
Author cryinginside Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 I know i need to first and foremost quit going out and find myself. I know that i wont' be truly happy unless i get my sh*t in gear. I need to learn how to support my kids on my own which i am trying to do. Its so hard. Now that i have seen him I keep picturing him in mind and thinking of everything. ANd i know that i am to remind myself of all the bad when i start to remember the good it is just so hard. I hate being by myself. So i think it is really just that i miss someone to be with, not really him though. I don't know i am just so upset about all of this. And I keep thinking going out will solve all my problems...but it never does. Usually i do something i will regret the next day. I did throw all my going out clothes away so maybe that will stop me from going partying til 5 in the morning once every weekend.
Author cryinginside Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Ugh i seen him again last night. I went out for my best friends birthday. I saw him at the last club. I cried and cried. I didn't really talk to him. Well i did go up to him and say Libby missed him he said tell her i said hi. Then he said that i f*cked it up for us. Then later on he started fighting with someone and i told my friend he never grew up he heard me and told me to shut the f*ck up. Then he said something about his new girl (who was a friend in highschool) knew how to..... and he never finished it just shook his head. I tried warning that girl but she didn't want to believe me. And i made myself look bad by crying over and over. Every five minutes i started crying and he seen it!!!! Ugh. WHy did i do that? I guess i was just drunk.
Spinderella Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Stop going to clubs he goes to, especially when you are drinking. You are doing really well in not contacting him, you have been strong. That was the hardest step, now for step 2, to stop going out to where he goes to. Try not going out for a few weekends. Instead, think of something healthy and fun to do. Try it. I'm sure you will feel better for it.
Author cryinginside Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Its hard in my town to not run in to someone. We only have like 1 club here that is any kind of good. I plan to spend the next month busy so i don't have to go out. I just always feel the "need" to go out. I still hate myself today for even speaking to him. There was no reason in the world for me to tell him LIbby missed him. Man i am such an idiot. Him and his friends probably laughed at me since i just kept crying.
Spinderella Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Why on earth are you worried what him or his friends think of you. What about what you think of him. He's violent, you were in fear of him. What do you really think of him? Do you think you are so worthless that you should be worrying what a violent man thinks of you? Sorry to be harsh, but, you need to sort out your opinion of yourself. Treat yourself nicely and trust yourself to do this.
Author cryinginside Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 So i do know that he is awful. I don't care really now what they think of me it was just the first day i did. I don't know why. AND now to make things worse i drank again and tried to have sex with his friend. His friend was all willing we just couldn't do it. He was um not "up" to it. How awful am i now. I know I know stay away from drinking. I just don't know i was drunk haven't had sex in awhile so i asked him til he said yes. I am going to hell for this.
Spinderella Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 You seem to be addicted to drama. Wouldnt it be nice if everything were simple and peaceful and cosy? Sort yourself out. Stop drinking. Also, dont react defensively, I am only trying to help you.
melodymatters Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I too remember your old posts, and in fact just read them yesterday to keep me strong from going back to MY abuser. All I can say is hang in there and we all understand, the fact that our are being honest about your feelings is really HEALTHY !!! Good for you !!! I, on the other hand, try to be " cool" and tell everyone I'm over him, but I still hurt sometimes, and I think I should take a page from your book and talk about it more to keep me strong ! So, this educated 40 yr old woman is learning something from YOU !!! Also, as much as we all know it's not " healthy" to jump from pone relationship to another, the reality is, if it helps you get away from this MONSTER, it's really not that wrong. If the clubs are not an option, maybe try online dating, just to have something to look forward to, a letter a phone call, those simple things might help you see that there IS a better life out there and maybe help you be a bit stronger. This is like medicine in a war zone : yeah, it would be ideal to be in a clean hospital setting but if all you've got is a tourniquet and some scotch. go with what you've got. do ANYTHING to get over him !!!!
Author cryinginside Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Spin i am not taking offense sorry to seem like it. I appreciate how all of you are there for me when i need someone. Without everyone on here i would be lost. Because i don't always have someone in the "real world" to turn to. And yes Melody talking about it is the best way to go. Keeping your feelings bottled up will make you lose it. You need to get it out and hear yourself say outloud to someone or type to someone the stupid sh*t you went through with some loser. And if they abuse women they are losers. I know I am drama. Just like quiet normal guys bore me to tears and i lose intrest very easy. I don't know why. I know doing what i do isn't healthy i am just trying to make it one day at a time. And for some reason i always think i need a guy. I am lost without them. I guess i started dating at 13 and never have been on my own for longer then a few mos. ANd in that time span i always am causually dating someone.
Recommended Posts